


Letters to my parents

by LindyA1985



Series: Letters to my Parents [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bullied Harry, Letters, M/M, Slytherin Harry Potter, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-06-12 23:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 75,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15351042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindyA1985/pseuds/LindyA1985
Summary: Chapters 1-14Harry writes letters to his dead parents about his life as a Slytherin student at Hogwarts, where Malfoy and Nott make his life a living hell. Will Harry find a way to overcome the bullying? And what's going on with that mystery package that Hagrid collected from Gringotts?Chapters 15-31Harry keeps writing letters to his parents in his second year about his life as a Slytherin student. He misses them more each day when things just keep going south.Draco is acting weird since the first day off school. Harry doesn't understand. It's like last year didn't happen at all.And what are the terrible things that will happen at Hogwarts this year according to Dobby? And how will they affect Harry's life?Chapters 32-?Third-year starts and brings with it the Dementors, who seem to affect Harry more than any other student. And who is this Sirius Black that has escaped from Azkaban? Harry and Draco try to figure it out in the little free time they have next to all their extra classes, Quidditch training and Harry's therapy sessions.





	1. Wednesday 31 July 1991

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  This is still a work in progress that I'm writing while re-reading the Harry Potter books. Some of the main plot points will stay the same and some will change. I have an ending for this story in mind (and mostly already written out) and I will get there, I'm just not sure in what kind of time frame. Updates will come when they come, I'm not on a time schedule or anything and real life takes priority. But I will promise you I will finish this story.  
>    
>  If you struggle to read the font for this story, you can disable the custom skin of this work:  
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>  This next note is completely optional and won't affect updates whatsoever, but it is appreciated.  
>  You can support my writing if you want by buying me a coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/AlindasStories  
> 

Wednesday 31 July 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

Sorry it took me so long to write to you again, but I didn’t have any paper to write on. But that won’t be a problem anymore, because today I bought this amazing notebook, so I can write to you whenever I want.

 

You will never believe what happened. Well, you probably the only persons I know who will. I found out today that I’m a wizard. A WIZARD. Isn’t that cool. I’m not crazy or strange, but I’m a wizard. And in just a couple of weeks, I’ll be going to Hogwarts, a wizard school. I never knew. Aunt Petunia never told me. It all started a couple of days ago when I got a letter. It was addressed to me. It even knew I lived in the cupboard under the stairs. Yes lived, I’ve gotten my own room now. Uncle Vernon went mad when the letter arrived. He didn’t want me to read it, so he took it and burned it. But I knew something was wrong because that night I got my own bedroom. It is still filled with Dudley’s old stuff and that evening I rather had stayed in the cupboard if it meant I had gotten to read that letter.

 

The next day there was another letter, now address to me in the smallest bedroom at 4 Privet Drive. And again uncle Vernon didn’t let me read the letter, but I was convinced they would try to send more so I made a plan. I was going to wait for the postman on the corner of the street, but uncle Vernon was waiting for me at the doormat when I came downstairs the next morning, so I couldn’t get to the postmen before he delivered our mail. When the post came I saw that there now were three letters for me, but again uncle Vernon tore them up. He didn’t go to work that day and nailed up the mail slot. But more letters kept coming. On Friday there where twelve letters pushed under the door and around the cracks of the window of the downstairs bathroom. Uncle Vernon burned them all and started to hammer and nail up all the cracks around the doors. The next day there where twenty-four letters in the eggs. Yes, you read it correctly; they were hidden inside the eggs! On Sunday letters came flying from the fireplace filling up the house. Uncle Vernon made us leave the house. We drove for hours without breaks or anything to eat. Dudley was howling at the end of the day. We stayed in a hotel and the next morning the owner brought us a letter, addressed to me, in room 17 Railview Hotel in Cokeworth.  She said she had about a hundred of them at the front desk. But I still didn’t get to read them.

 

That day we drove around again all day until we got to the coast and we had to take a rowboat to a shack on a large rock way out at sea. I couldn’t sleep that night. It was cold and the floor was hard and I only had a thin ragged blanket. It was storming. When it turned twelve and it was my birthday someone was knocking on the door of the shack. Everybody woke up and uncle Vernon had a rifle warning the person at the door to leave. And then the door swung clean off its hinges and a giant of a man walked into the house. He had shaggy manes and a wild tangled beard and black glinting eyes. He said I looked like you, dad, but that I have mum eyes. I never knew that they didn’t tell me that either. I’m kinda proud to look like you, dad, now that I know you died trying to protect me. Hagrid, the giant man, told me what happened to you. What that evil wizard had done.

 

But I will get to that because after Hagrid had come in he made a knot in uncle Vernon’s rifle and then he gave me a birthday cake. It was the first cake I ever had; at least that I can remember. I’m sure you would have made me a birthday cake for my first birthday. Hagrid turned on the fire and made tea and sausages. I didn’t really know who he was and why he was there so I asked. He got very angry at uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. I was very confused. Hagrid said you were famous, that I was famous and he talked about our world until he realized I really didn’t know. He screamed at uncle Vernon some more and uncle Vernon forbade him to tell me. But he didn’t listen and told me I’m a wizard and gave me my letter. It was a letter to inform me that I have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Then Hagrid sends out an owl to a Professor Dumbledore before uncle Vernon told him I wasn’t going. That’s when I found out they had known all along that I was a wizard. Aunt Petunia started screaming about you, mom, and that you ran off with dad and then got yourselves blown up. I got angry then; they always told me that you had died in a car crash. Hagrid also got very angry, saying that it was an outrage. So I asked him what had happened. He became very nervous but told me about the wizard who went bad, named Voldemort. And that this wizard was becoming very powerful. And Hagrid told me that when Voldemort came after you ten years ago on Halloween, he killed you both and tried to kill me. But that I lived and that is why I have the lighting scar on my forehead. It made me very sad. Hagrid said that Voldemort is probably still out there somewhere, without his powers. I hope he’s wrong and that the evil man is dead.

 

And I must be honest; at that moment I didn’t believe I could be a wizard. If I had defeated a powerful wizard as a baby, then why had Dudley always been able to kick me around like a football? But Hagrid asked me if I ever made strange things happen and I remembered all the time's odd things had happened, like me talking to snakes and ending up on the roof of the school, and I knew he was telling the trued.

 

What happened next was the best of the whole evening. Uncle Vernon said something insulting about the headmaster of Hogwarts and Hagrid became so angry. He waved around with his pink umbrella and Dudley got a curly pig’s tail. Now he’s really a pig with blonde hair. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley went to the other room. Dudley was crying and screaming, just like Aunt Petunia. I just laughed, it was so funny. After that, we went to sleep.

 

The next morning an owl came to deliver a newspaper before we left for London to get all my school stuff. We took a train because Hagrid wasn’t allowed to do magic now he found me. I had to help him with the muggle money. Hagrid was knitting the whole way to London on something that looked like a canary-yellow circus tent. It looked really funny. And then in London, we went to the Leaky Cauldron. It was very weird. Everyone seemed to know who I am and wanted to shake my hand. I also met one of my professors. Professor Quirrell, he is the defence against the dark arts professor. He was very nervous. It had something to do with meeting vampires, I don’t really remember.

 

Hagrid opened the archway to Diagon Alley after that. It was amazing. The stones of the wall just disappeared and made an archway. There were shops everywhere, with cauldrons, owls, broomsticks, robes and telescopes. I’ve never seen anything like it and I wanted to go to all the shops at once.

 

We first had to go to the bank, Gringotts, to get my money. Thanks for leaving it for me. I’ve never been this rich before. I’ll try to not spend it on anything stupid. I did buy this little notebook, so I can write to you whenever I want. So you will be hearing from me much more often than before.

 

We had to take a little cart over railway tracks to the fault. It was very cool. I had hoped to see a dragon. Hagrid had said they have dragons at the bank. But I didn’t see any. I think I did see some fire, but no dragons. Hagrid also retrieved a package from vault seven hundred and thirteen. He didn’t want to say what it was, secret Hogwarts business.

 

We bought all my supplies, starting with my robes. Hagrid left me alone at Madam Malkin’s. He needed a drink after the rollercoaster ride in Gringotts. In the shop, I met another boy that is going to Hogwarts. I didn’t really like him. He sounded like Dudley. He had a pale pointed face and blonde hair that was slicked onto his head. He was bragging about smuggling in a broom. And he asked me all these questions about magic stuff. I didn’t know what to say. But that didn’t stop him from talking. I think he liked talking about himself, just like Dudley. I hope he won’t be in my class when I get to Hogwarts. And he was mean about Hagrid and he was very mean about people that weren’t wizards. I was very happy when Madam Malkin was done with my ropes and I could leave the room with that nasty boy.

 

After that Hagrid and I ate ice cream and bought parchment and quills. I also bought this notebook and ink that changes colour when you write. I didn’t tell Hagrid why, but I liked the idea that I now don’t have to look for little scraps of paper to write to you. It makes it so much easier to tell you about what I do and everything. We also bought school books, a cauldron, scales and a collapsible brass telescope. And then Hagrid bought me an owl as a birthday present. She is really beautiful, she’s a snowy owl. I’ll have to think of a name for her. I’m sure I’ll come up with something before I write you again.

 

The last thing we bought was my want. I had been really looking forward to getting one, but it scares me now a little. Mr Ollivander gave me a lot of wands to give a wave. He kept snatching them out of my hand, saying they won’t do. Until he gave me the wand I have now. It’s made of holly with a phoenix feather, eleven inches. When I took it from him I felt a sudden warmth in my fingers and when I gave it a swing a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like fireworks. That was cool. But then Mr Ollivander told me that this want has a brother wand, and that wand is Voldemort's wand. My magic wand is the brother of the wand that killed both of you. That scares me a little.

 

And now all I have to do is wait for the 1st of September to go to my new school. I’ll tell you all about it when I get there.

 

Love you, mom and dad, I wish you would have been here for all this.

 

I’m going to sleep now.

 

Love Harry James Potter


	2. Monday 2 September 1991

Monday 2 September 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

Hogwarts is not as nice as I thought it would be. I’m sitting now in my bed and wished I was back in my cupboard. At least there I was left alone. Dudley had been afraid to be in the same room as me and Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia acted like I wasn’t even there. But it was better than this.

 

I had been so excited to go here. I don’t know why I thought everything would be better when I would be around other wizards, that I would be able to make some friends. Well, I think I made one friend at least, even though I haven’t seen him since the sorting ceremony. I met him after Uncle Vernon had left me at the train station. I didn’t know how to get onto platform nine and three-quarters and I was afraid to be stranded there. And then I saw some people that looked like they were also going to Hogwarts, with trunks and an owl. They helped me get onto the platform. I had to run at the barrier and I really thought I was going to crash into it. But the crash never came and when I opened my eyes I was at a platform next to a scarlet steam engine. Two of the boys from that family, Fred and George helped me get my trunk on the train. And when the train was on his way, Ron, their younger brother came to sit with me in my compartment. He has a lot of brothers and he’s afraid he won’t do as good as his brothers. I’m sure he will. One of his brothers works with dragons in Romania and his other brother is in Africa. Oh, and he has a rat, named Scabbers. That reminds me, I’ve named my owl Hedwig. I hope you like the name. I think it suits her.

 

During the train ride, I bought a lot of candy from the trolley witch. I know I had said I wouldn’t spend all your money on useless things, but I was very hungry and I wanted to try out all the new strange candies. I shared my candy with Ron. He only had corned beef sandwiches and he doesn’t like corned beef. I liked the chocolate frogs the best, one they are chocolate and two they have cards of famous wizards. I now have cards of Albus Dumbledore, Morgana, Hengist of Woodcroft, Alberic Grunnion, Circe, Paracelsus, Merlin and Druidess Cliodna. I think I’m going to try to collect a lot of them. They will be able to keep me company when I feel alone.

 

The nasty boy from the robe shop came by in the train. He asked me if I was Harry Potter and was mean to my new friend Ron. He said I shouldn’t make the wrong sort of friends. I wasn’t very nice to him and I now wish I had been. I didn’t want to shake his hands and be friends with him. But now he and his friends make fun of me all the time. Everyone looks up to him down here. But he said mean things about Ron and Hagrid. Even about you. I hate him. I wish I’ve never met him.

 

After the train ride, all the first years took boats to Hogwarts. And then it was time for the sorting ceremony. All the new students had to try on an old hat to be sorted in one of the houses. I was afraid I won’t be sorted in any of the houses and would get sent back home. And maybe that had been better then what really happened. When my name was called the entire hall started to whisper. Professor McGonagall placed the hat on my head. The hat was black inside. The hat started speaking. He found me very difficult. He had to think of where he should put me since I had courage, not a bad mind and talent, but most importantly a thirst to prove myself. I was afraid to say anything and just waited until the hat would put me out of my misery. He continued, saying I could be great, that it was all in my head and that Slytherin will help me on my way to greatness. And with that, the hat shouted SLYTHERIN.

 

I took off the hat and walked towards the Slytherin table with shaking legs. Draco Malfoy, the nasty boy is in Slytherin. Most people at the Slytherin table were clapping, but Malfoy just looked at me with a piercing look. I set down next to Theo Nott, who was also sorted in Slytherin. Malfoy said I better start behaving like a real Slytherin if I wanted to survive my first year.

 

Ron was sorted in Gryffindor and he looked happy to be there. I wish I was sorted into Gryffindor as well, at least then I would have had one friend in the dormitory. Now the only person that even says hi to me is Zabini.

 

The dinner after the sorting didn’t go well. All the dishes got filled with all kinds of food, like roast beef, roast chicken, sausages, bacon, potatoes, peas, and gravy. I was hungry so I tried to fill my plate with a bit of everything, only to have Nott grabbing the things off my plate and putting it on his own. Malfoy was laughing, just like Crabbe and Goyle. When Nott’s plate was full he finally let me keep some of my own food. I eat it as quickly as possible before they would take my food again.

 

One of the girls that were also sorted into our house stated that I was only a half-blood and therefore not a real Slytherin. It was then that a ghost sat down next to Malfoy. The boy didn’t seem to like it and it made me smile a little. Malfoy saw that and he kicked me under the table. The ghost is the bloody baron. He’s our house ghost. He said it was a good thing I was in Slytherin, that with the famous Harry Potter it was a given that we would win the house cup for the next seven years. Everyone around me started laughing and Malfoy stated that it was more likely that I would make them lose the cup because I wasn’t made to be a Slytherin.

 

Oh, I also need to tell you about the strange thing that happened when I was looking at the teacher's table. Professor Quirrell was talking to a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose and sallow skin. When that teacher looked into my eyes, a sharp, hot pain shot across my scar. I couldn’t help to respond to the pain and clapped my hand against my head. Of course, that was just another thing Malfoy made fun off. He said: ‘Your little scar hurting you, potty?’ I just looked at the table and tried not to cry. Why do they have to be so mean to me?

 

After dinner one of the prefects led us to the dungeon, where at the bare stretch of the wall a doorway appears when you speak the password. Inside is the Slytherin common room. The room is long and has rough stone walls. Round, greenish lamps hang on chains. It’s furnished with lots of low backed black and dark green button-tufted, leather sofas, skulls and dark wood cupboards. On the walls are tapestries with wizards on it. One side of the common room has windows so we can look into the lake. It’s a bit weird to stay underground like this.

 

The prefect gave us some simple rules, like that only Slytherins, are allowed to go into the common room and that boys and girls are not allowed to go to each other’s dormitories. I share my dormitory with Malfoy, Zabini, Nott, Goyle and Crabbe. There are no windows in the dormitory and the place is lilted by a green light hanging from the ceiling. The beds are four-posters hung with Slytherin green velvet curtains. Our trunks had already been brought up and placed by the separate beds. Mine is straight across of Malfoy’s bed. I had to wait until all the other boys were done in the bathrooms before I could go to brush my teeth. They didn’t want me in there with them. Zabini gave me an apologetic look when Malfoy forbade me to follow him. After I brushed my teeth in silence I quickly put on my pyjamas and went to bed. I closed the curtains and tried not to think of how mean the boys were being to me.

 

During the night I had a very strange dream. I was wearing Professor Quirrell’s turban. And the turban kept talking to me, telling me that I should be happy that I’m in Slytherin, that it was my destiny. I told the turban I didn’t want to be in Slytherin, that I wanted to transfer to Gryffindor. I tried to pull the turban off my head because it was becoming heavier and heavier, but it tightened painfully. And then Malfoy was there, laughing and pointing at me. After a while, Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher. He laughed also, with a high and cold laugh. Next, there was a burst of green light and I woke up sweating and shaking. I hope none of the other boys knows that I had a nightmare and won’t make fun of me for trashing in my bed.

 

This morning I sat by myself for breakfast before my classmates came down to the great hall. Afterwards, I tried to find my way to our first lesson. Everyone was whispering around me and trying to get a look at me. I don’t like it at all. It’s very annoying. It’s hard enough to find my way around the castle. There are so many staircases, tricky doors and fake doors. And I think they move around, just like the people in the portraits.

 

My first class was potions from Professor Snape. He’s our head of house, but I don’t think he likes me very much. I think he hates me, just like all the other Slytherins. When he took the roll call he made fun of me. Off course that made Malfoy and his friends snigger behind their hands. He asked me questions about mixing ingredients and where I could find a bezoar. I didn’t know the answers. He kept saying fame isn’t everything. Me not knowing made Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and Nott laugh out loud in class. And there was a Gryffindor girl that kept raising her hand, making Ron roll his eyes at me. Snape took points from Slytherin because I didn’t know the answer, and later he took points because me potion wasn’t good enough. Not as much as he took from the Gryffindor’s, he seems to hate them more than he hates me.

 

But me losing points didn’t go well with my Slytherin classmates. They shoved me into the wall when we were walking to our next class. Malfoy said that he would hex me in my sleep if I manage to lose even more points for our house.

 

Next, we had Defence Against the Dark Arts. I had really been looking forward to this class, but the lesson was a bit of a joke. The classroom smelled strongly of garlic and Professor Quirrell didn’t really tell anything interesting. The only good thing about the lesson was that nobody paid attention to me.

 

For charms, we have professor Flitwick. He’s a tiny little wizard who stands on a pile of books to see over his desk. When he reached my name during roll call he gave an excited squeak and toppled out of sight. Malfoy and his friends laughed and made jokes about me wooing the teachers. I really hate Malfoy, I really hate him. I don’t understand why he needs to be so mean to me. It’s not like I ever did anything to him.

 

The last lesson of today was History of Magic. It’s being taught by a ghost, Professor Binns. He drones on and on and it’s difficult to keep all the names in order. I think it will be easier to learn it all by reading the book.

 

After the lessons, I went to the library to start on my homework. But Malfoy and his bodyguards Crabbe and Goyle had followed me. Crabbe stole my bag and turned it around, so all the books fell out. And then Malfoy said that this is just the beginning. They left after that and I had to pick up all my stuff. One of my quills got broken and my Standard Book of Spells is damage from the fall from my bag. I’m glad they left, so I could finish my homework in peace.

 

Dinner was just as bad as the first night. Crabbe and Goyle sat down on both sides of me and kept stealing my food. I hardly eat anything because of them. And now I’m on my bed, writing to you. I went straight here after dinner. I don’t want to hang out in the common room. I’m afraid of what they will do next. So maybe you can understand why I don’t like it here at Hogwarts. Learning magic is great, but the teasing and bullying are worse than it was with Dudley back home.

 

I’ll write you again soon, and hopefully, things will be better than.

 

Love Harry James Potter


	3. Sunday 8 September 1991

Sunday 8 September 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

I’ve survived my first week and weekend at Hogwarts. After that first Monday, I made sure I woke up every morning before my classmates to shower and have breakfast in peace. And then I would hide out in an alcove until it was time to go to class. But it was hard to avoid Malfoy and Nott during class. On Tuesday Malfoy made sure he was sitting next to me during Charms and History of Magic. In Charms, he kept pushing my feather that we are using to learn the levitation charm off my table. And during History of Magic, he was shoving his elbow against me all the time, so it was hard to take notes.

 

They left me alone during Herbology since Ron had pulled me to their side of the greenhouse. He said he wished I was in Gryffindor with him. But we didn’t have a lot of time to catch up, because professor Sprout gave a lecture about Herbology safety. After class, I walked with the Gryffindor’s to our last lesson of the day, Transfiguration. This is taught by Professor McGonagall. She’s a strict and clever teacher. This class I was able to sit down next to Zabini. Like I told you before, he’s the only Slytherin boy that doesn’t bully me. We had to take a lot of notes and at the end of class, we tried to turn a match into a needle. Only the smart Gryffindor girl had made any progress. Her match was silver and pointy.

 

After class, I went to do my homework in the library. The Gryffindor girl was there as well and we shared a table. She helped me with my potions homework for the next day. Her name is Hermione Granger. She’s muggleborn and a little stuck up. She reads all the extra literature and really likes schoolwork. But at least she was nice to me. I think she also doesn’t have a lot of friends because much of our classmates think she’s a know it all.

 

Dinner is always hell. I try to stay away from Malfoy and eat by myself. But they always end up next to me and steal my food, our accidentally push over my drinks. So I’m not eating that well since I also stay clear of the great hall during lunch.

 

In the evenings I hide away in my bed, with the curtains closed. When the other boys come into the dormitory they just say mean things about me, but leave me mostly alone. Zabini once told them to stop making fun of me, but they were mean to him the next day, so he stopped saying anything. Malfoy keeps saying it’s a shame that the great Harry Potter is only a half-blood and that my victory over the dark lord was probably over exaggerated. No way could a small insignificant wizard like I have stopped the greatest wizard of the age. 

 

By Wednesday Malfoy started to call me Scarface all the time. He joked that the lighting scar was the only pretty thing about me. Since I have horrible black hair that looks like a raven landed on my head. And my eyes are so poor that it’s a shame the glasses don’t hide them any better from view.

 

We started that day with Potions, and professor Snape made me sit next to Malfoy, in the hope I would learn some from a student that was more gifted in the art of Potions than me. He gave a lecture on how to prepare a potion to cure boils. Telling us to study it before our double lesson on Friday, where we would have to make one ourselves. Malfoy didn’t really pay attention to me. I think he really likes Potions and wants to do well in the class.

 

During our next lesson of Herbology, I tried to partner up with the Gryffindor’s again. But Ron partnered up with a fatty boy from his house, so I had to stick with the boys from my own house. Zabini gave me the silent treatment. And Goyle and Crabbe kept pushing me around until I fell on the ground, making the entire class laugh at me. Only Hermione didn’t laugh. Seeing Ron laugh at me hurt. I thought he was my friend. But maybe he was afraid he would also get the special treatment from Malfoy if he was seen being my friend, like Zabini.

 

In the afternoon we hat Magical Theory for two hours. And since the only empty spot in the class was next to Hermione when I came in after hiding in the bathroom all of lunch I was saved from getting bullied during this class. We went and did our homework in the library again. I waited till almost eight to go down for dinner and I was happy to see that my classmate had already finished, so I finally had a decent meal. I cried myself to sleep that night. I felt so alone. Mom, I don’t understand why they have to be so mean. Is it just because I didn’t want to shake Malfoy’s hand during the train ride to Hogwarts?

 

Thursday was okay. We only had three classes, because flying lessons will only start in two weeks. First, we had charms and I partnered with Hermione. She’s really good and made her feather fly. Next, we had Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. She’s very strict and I think Malfoy is afraid to pull anything in her class. After lunch, we had Defence against the dark arts and again we didn’t really learn anything. Hermione and I finished our homework quickly in the library and went for a walk around the lake afterwards. She told me about her parents, they are dentists, and about how surprised she was when she got her letter for Hogwarts. She said she was sorry that my parents are dead and asked me where I lived. I told her I lived with my aunt and uncle, but I didn’t tell her they bullied me just as much as Malfoy and Nott. It was a fun afternoon.

 

On Friday morning Hedwig brought me a letter from Hagrid, asking me if I wanted to come over for tea after my lessons. It was something to look forward to because I first had to survive a double lesson in Potions. And since professor Snape wants me to work with Malfoy its hell. We had to make the potion to cure boils. Snape swept around in his long black cloak, watching how we weighed dried nettles and crushed snake fangs. He criticized everyone except Malfoy. He got a lot of compliments about his work. He made it sound like Malfoy did it all by himself and that I didn’t help him at all. And maybe he is a bit right there because Malfoy kept pushing me out of the way, telling me that I will just screw it up. And when Snape was about to tell the class how good Malfoy was stewing his horned slugs the room got filled with clouds of acid green smoke. The fatty boy that was Ron’s new friend had managed to melt his cauldron into a twisted blob and their potion was seeping across the floor. Everyone jumped onto their stools while the other boy moaned in pain as angry red boils sprang up all over his arms and legs. Snape got angry and told Ron to take Longbottom to the hospital wing. Then he rounded on Hermione who was working behind them and asked her why she didn’t tell Longbottom not to add the quills and took points of Gryffindor.

 

I went up to the hospital wing during my lunch break and see how Ron’s new friend Longbottom was doing. Ron said Neville was going to be fine. I told him I was going to visit Hagrid and asked him to come along. Ron agreed, so after a double lesson of Transfiguration, we made our way across the grounds to Hagrid’s small wooden house on the edge of the forbidden forest. Hagrid asked how my first week had been. I said it had been fine, but Ron then told Hagrid that Malfoy and his friend had been bullying me all week. Hagrid told me I should try to stand up to them, let them know that I will not be messed with. I nodded, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to stand up to them. Hagrid then changed the subject to Ron’s brother Charlie, like he knew that I didn’t really want to talk about Malfoy and his friends. I didn’t really listen, because I saw a small cutting from the Daily Prophet about the break-in of Gringotts that Ron told me about on the train ride to Hogwarts. The robbery was on the same date as Hagrid and I had been at the bank. And when I asked Hagrid about it he grunted and offered me another rock cake. Which are horrible by the way, but I didn’t want to be impolite so I took one and stuffed it in my pocket. But what was most interesting was that the vault had been emptied earlier that day and that Hagrid had taken something from a vault that day, emptying it. I think Hagrid had collected the package just in time. But where is it now?

 

And then it was weekend. No classes to distract me and hardly any homework, since I’ve done most of it already during the week with Hermione in the library. I still got up early so I could have breakfast before Malfoy and his friends woke up. Afterwards, I walked around the grounds and met up with Ron and Neville, who was released from the hospital wing. We talked about their families and what it was like to grow up in a wizarding family. I wish I had grown up with you, mom and dad, so I could have had magical toys and stuff. It really sounds amazing to be able to grow up like that. Ron asked me why I was hanging out with Hermione so much and I told them it was because the library felt like a place where Malfoy and his friends would leave me alone. And Hermione was just always there and she was nice to me. I asked them about how it was to be in Gryffindor House and they talked away about living in the west tower. I had fun that morning and they invited me to sit with them for lunch. Some of the older Gryffindor students were not happy about it, but Ron’s brothers Fred and George told them to back off and that Gryffindor should feel honoured that the great Harry Potter wanted to join them at their table. After that everyone left us alone. Seamus and Dean, the two other Gryffindor boys joined us and we had a nice afternoon, talking about Quidditch and how horrible Snape was. Dean apologized for being mean about my head of house, but I told him it was okay, that I also didn’t like Snape. I stayed at the Gryffindor table until after dinner and I had a lot of fun. But when the Gryffindor’s went to their common room I had to leave them and head back to the dungeons.

 

Malfoy and Nott were waiting for me when I came back. They shoved me around while telling me I shouldn’t be hanging out with the enemy. Nott took me in a headlock and said he was going to hex me if I would spend another day at the Gryffindor table. We Slytherin’s have a reputation to uphold and I was disgracing all of them by hanging out with those filthy blood-traitors and mudbloods. Nott pushed me into a wall after his little speech and punched me in my stomach.

 

This morning I saw that I have a bruise on my abdomen. I stayed in bed all day, reading one of the books I took from home. It’s called On My Honour and is about a boy that loses his friend when he drowns in a river. It was a sad book but I felt a little less lonely reading it. I’ve finished it in a day and now I’m writing to you. I’ll have to go to dinner tonight because I haven’t eaten all day and I’m getting a bit hungry. I wish I could sit with the Gryffindor’s again, but I’m sure Nott is going to hurt me even worse if I do. Nott and his friends haven’t really been in the dormitory today, so it was nice and quiet. Only Malfoy came in once, but he didn’t say anything to me. I hope next week is going to be better.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter


	4. Thursday 26 September 1991

Thursday 26 September 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

I hate Malfoy. I really hate him. I never believed I would meet someone I would hate more than Dudley, but I was so wrong. He tries to sit next to me in every class and keeps hitting my right arm when he makes notes. He says it’s the only way he can write properly and that I should stay out of his way, but how am I supposed to do that? He keeps pushing me to the left side of the tables and taking the seat next to me so our arms keep bumping into each other.

 

And he keeps talking about how good he is in Quidditch and flying, ever since the notice for our flying lessons was posted on the notice board. He complains all the time that it’s unfair that he’s not allowed his own broom and that he’s not allowed to try out for the Quidditch house team. And don’t get me started about all the stories of how he narrowly escapes helicopters. And after every story he has to remind everyone that I don’t have my own broom and how I’m going to make a fool of myself in front of the Gryffindor’s, shaming the Slytherin house even more.

 

Malfoy also makes fun of me every morning when I don’t receive any mail, reminding me that I don’t have any friends or family that care about me. He receives daily packages from his home with sweets and other treats that he shares with the others, except me of course, because I’ve not earned them.

 

On Wednesday, the day before our flying lesson I talked about it with Hermione. We still are spending every afternoon together in the library, doing our homework. She’s the only person talking to me. I’ve been afraid to spend more time with most of the Gryffindor’s because I’m afraid Nott will hurt me. I think Ron is disappointed that I’m ignoring him, but I don’t want him to get hurt because of me. And when Nott or Malfoy make fun of me in class, he laughs just like the others. So, I’m also not sure if he would be a good friend to me. Hermione is the only one that won’t laugh. She just looks very angry every time something happens.

 

Hermione was also afraid of the flying lesson. She had tried to learn all about it by reading a book called Quidditch Through the Ages. She gave me tips that might help, like how to hold the broom and what not to think about when in the air. And never look down when you’re afraid.

 

The flying lesson is thought by Madam Hooch. She has yellow eyes like a hawk. We had to go stand next to a broom and hold out our hand above the broom and say up. My broom jumped into my hand at once, I and Malfoy were the only ones that managed that. Madam Hooch gave me a friendly smile and I felt proud of myself. Next, we got to mount the brooms and Malfoy got told that he was holding his broom wrong. He complained about that to Nott, saying that Hoochy had no idea what she was talking about.

 

Before we got a chance to lift off, something happened to Neville. I think he lifted up too soon and he started rising higher and higher above the ground. Neville was as white as a ghost and started to slip off his broom. He fell down and broke his wrist. If Neville continues like this, he’ll be a regular at the hospital wing before the first month of school is over. Madam Hooch took him to the hospital wing and threatened us that we would be expelled if we would fly on our brooms.

 

As soon as Madam Hooch was out of sight Malfoy and Nott started laughing and making fun of Neville. One of the Gryffindor girls told them to shut up, and that made Parkinson snap at her. I was afraid they were going to fight, but then Malfoy picked up a glass ball from the ground and said it was the stupid thing Longbottom’s gran had sent him. Ron told him to give it to him, but Malfoy refused and said he would leave it in a tree. Ron yelled at him to give it back. And then Malfoy got on his broom and took off. He hovered level with the topmost branches of an oak and called for Ron to come and get it. Ron took his broom and was planning to take off when Hermione pulled on his arm and told him he couldn’t, that he would get them all in trouble. But Ron pushed her to the side and flew into the air after Malfoy. But Malfoy was a better flyer than Ron, so he moved away from him quickly, manoeuvring like a practice flyer. He smiled while moving around, lighting up his whole face. And Ron just became redder and redder while he tried to catch up with Malfoy. After a while, Malfoy threw the glass ball high into the air and streaked back toward the ground. He landed with grace and stepped off his broom like it was nothing. Ron stumbled to the ground next to him, but I wasn’t really looking at him, and Malfoy noticed that my eyes were on him and shouted at me to stop staring with my stupid face. When Madam Hooch came back she cancelled the rest of the lesson and told us we will continue next week. That saddened me because I wanted to try to fly like Malfoy had done. It looks like it’s a lot of fun.

 

That night Malfoy was bragging in the dormitory about how he was better at flying than the Weasel, that’s what he calls Ron. Nott kept making amazed sounds about how he couldn’t believe how stupid Longbottom was, not even capable of flying a broom as a full-blood was just a decrease. I tried not to listen to them, but it was hard. And then Goyle said that it was worse to see how I couldn’t stop staring at Malfoy, making them all turn on me. Asking me if I liked what I saw, stating I was a poof and should keep my eyes to myself. Malfoy threatened to hex me if he caught me looking at him again. I tried to tell them I’m not like that, that they have nothing to worry about, but they wouldn’t listen.

 

Last Saturday I wandered around the school by myself, just like the weekend before. I’ve been afraid to join the Gryffindor’s because of what Nott would do. The bruise on my abdomen had only just started fading away. And the Slytherin’s don’t want me to hang out with them, so I’ve been spending the weekends by myself, exploring the castle. I checked out the trophy room last week and found out that you, dad, where a seeker when you went to school. I’ve been reading Quidditch through the Ages and it sounds like an amazing sport. Maybe I’ll learn how to play it one day and maybe I’ll be just as good as you.

 

But while I was wondering around the castle I ran into Hermione and we decided to wander around together. We got totally lost, having no idea how to get back to the great hall in time for dinner. And then we ran into Nott, Goyle and Crabbe. They made fun of us, saying the mudblood should give up right now, that a poof like me would never be able to satisfy her. Hermione was almost in tears because of their mean words and I told them to shut up. And that felt really good until Goyle grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. He took out his wand and placed it against my face, threatening that he would hex the hell out of me. Hermione was screaming for him to stop and Crabbe and Nott just laughed. As soon as Goyle lowered his wand I ducked and yelled to Hermione to run. We sprinted down the hall, not looking if the boys were following us. I just knew we had to get out of there before they would hurt us. We swung around a doorpost and galloped down a corridor until we ripped through a tapestry and found ourselves in a hidden passageway. We hurtled along it and came out near our Charms classroom.

 

I thought we lost them until we heard noise coming from the passageway. We sprinted away again to the end of the corridor and slammed into a door that was locked. I thought that was it, I was finally going to get beaten to death, but luckily Hermione is a smart witch and she knew a spell to open the door. It’s really simple, just a whispering Alohomora will open any door. We went inside and I pressed my ear against to door to listen. I could hear Nott and Goyle run by, shouting at each other, wondering where we went. And then the hallway became quiet. Hermione was tugging on my robe by then and I told her it would be okay, that they had passed. What I didn’t know yet was that we were in the forbidden corridor on the third floor and that it was occupied by a monstrous dog with three heads. It was growling thunderous. At that moment I didn’t care that Nott and Goyle were still close, if it was a choice between getting beaten or getting eaten, I’ll go for being beaten. But Nott and Goyle were gone when we came out of the corridor. We ran away from it and only stopped until we reached a portrait of a fat lady on the seventh floor.

 

For a while Hermione and I just stood there, catching our breaths. I asked her what the hell is wrong with this school, keeping a thing like that locked up in a corridor. But Hermione snapped at me, telling me to use my eyes the next time because that dog had been standing on a trapdoor, that it was obviously guarding something. And that made me remember the package that Hagrid had taken from Gringotts just before the break-in. Maybe the mystery package from vault seven hundred and thirteen is hidden underneath the trapdoor. Just meeting the three-headed dog was already a big adventure and I would love to have another one.

 

Oh, and this is also when I discovered the location of the Gryffindor common room, the portrait of the fat lady is their entrance. Hermione made me swear not to tell anyone since I’m not supposed to know. And I won’t, she’s my only friend in this school, I would never want to get her into trouble.

 

It feels good to have a secret together with Hermione that nobody else knows about. It makes me feel a little less alone, it makes all the teasing a little better to bear. I still wish they would stop, all of them. And I’m scared of the looks Nott and Crabbe keep giving me like they are waiting for the perfect opportunity to finish what they started in the hallway next to the Charms classroom this Saturday. Otherwise, this week has been the same as the ones before. Malfoy and Nott make fun of me whenever they can. Crabbe and Goyle trip me multiple times a day. I hide away during lunch and in the library after lessons, doing my homework together with Hermione. And when it’s time for dinner I wait till the Slytherin boys have left before I even start, because they would steal my food if I don’t. And of course, I’m not allowed in the dormitory showers until they are all done in there, because they’ve decided that I’m a poof and cannot be trusted around them. And only because I was fascinated about how much joy Malfoy was experiencing when he was flying his broom. It just made me jealous, nothing else. It wasn’t like I fancy him or anything.

 

Today we had our second flying lesson and I finally made it into the sky. When I kicked off and was floating in the sky, only a meter from the ground I knew I was going to love this. We aren’t allowed to go any higher yet, but I can’t wait to feel the air rush through my hair when I’m allowed to fly more. I’m sure I’ll be smiling just like Malfoy had when he was racing through the sky. It all feels so natural to be on a broom, to hover above the ground. I don’t think I need to get taught how to fly, it’s easy and wonderful. And maybe I’ll be able to prove myself to the other boy’s when I’m finally good at something. Maybe it will make them treat me as a person worthy of their time.

 

I love you and miss you terribly,

 

Harry James Potter


	5. Wednesday 6 November 1991

Wednesday 6 November 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

Sorry, it’s been a while since I wrote to you. Malfoy keeps staring at me while I’m in our dormitory, making it hard to take out my notebook and write to you. I don’t want them to know about this. I’m afraid they will read it or steal it and burn it, or something. But I have to tell you about the troll that was in the school around Halloween, so I’m hoping they will stay away for a little longer.

 

The staring started after our fourth flying lesson. I was just spinning around on my broom, it was good fun. I teased Hermione a little, who still struggles to stay upright in the air. I don’t think she likes flying that much. She’s much better in charms and transfiguration. Oh and she’s brilliant when it comes to history of magic, she seems to know all the names and dates and she really is a big help with my essays. It’s a shame the others have started teasing her as well. It’s not as bad as with me, but they keep asking her if she likes being the poof’s girlfriend. And with the poof they mean me. And the Gryffindor’s aren’t much better. Ron just glares at her every time she knows the right answers in class or when she’s the first one to master a spell or charm. She’s the best in every class, except for potions, where Malfoy beats her every time.

 

But, like I was saying, I was just flying around, spinning upside down and enjoying myself when Malfoy started staring at me. And he didn’t stop. He just kept staring at me all day. And when he was lying in bed he didn’t close his curtains all the way, so he could still stare at me. I closed mine as soon as I was ready for bed. Ever since then, he stares at me a lot, but only when the others aren’t around or aren’t looking at us. I don’t know what to think of it. It isn’t like anything else changed. He still makes fun of my inabilities whenever he gets a change and still insists on sitting next to me in most of our classes so he can bump his arm against mine when we’re taking notes.

 

And I still have to work with him during potions. Well, he still does all the work and I just make notes. And somehow that’s better than the other classes because during potions he’s not making my life miserable. I wish Nott and Crabbe would also get the memo that says I should be left alone during potions. But they still manage to point out I’m a horrible wizard, not capable of doing my own potion because I would make poison instead of potions. 

 

On the morning of Halloween, we had Charms and Hermione was partnered with Ron for that lesson. I was stuck with Malfoy as for usual. And we both suck at charms; we’ve both been unable to make our feather fly. It only flies off the table when Draco pushes it away. Hermione is the only one that has been able to make it fly until now. And I’m not sure what happened during class on Halloween, but I know that Hermione was trying to tell Ron how to pronounce the incantation and showing him how it’s done, and Professor Flitwick was clapping and praising her for her good work. Malfoy snorted next to me, calling Hermione a know-it-all mudblood. He turned around and told Nott they should do something about her attitude. I don’t want to know what they are planning to do to her, but I’m going to make sure I’ll find out so I can warn her or help her stop them. It’s fine if they want to go after me, but they should leave Hermione alone. I hate it that they are picking on her as well now just because she’s my friend.

 

After class I walked out with Hermione, she was very quiet. Ron walked in front of us and was complaining to Neville about her. He said it was no wonder no one can stand her, that she was a nightmare. Hermione took off after that. She was crying and I ran after her.

 

Hermione had gone to the girls’ bathroom and was crying in one of the stalls. I didn’t follow her in at first, because it was the girls’ bathroom and I’m not supposed to go in there. It just made me feel like a bad friend, waiting for her in the corridor. Another Gryffindor girl went in and I asked her to check on Hermione. She reluctantly agreed and when she came back out she told me that Hermione was crying. She said nobody else was in there and that I should go in to help my friend since Hermione had no-one else but me. I thanked Patil and sneaked into the bathroom. Hermione had locked herself inside one of the stalls and I just sat down in front of it, telling her I’m sorry that they are mean to her. I felt really bad because I felt like it was my fault she hasn’t any other friends but me and on the other side, I was glad that she is my friend because I’ve no one else. I started to cry to and then Hermione unlocked the stall and came out. We sat there together on the floor, crying and telling each other we will stick together no matter what. I’m really fortunate to have a friend like her.

 

We stopped crying after a while and just sat there talking; we both didn’t feel like going to the Halloween banquet. It was already too late to go to any of our other classes of that day. Sorry about that, but Hermione needed me more than that I needed to sit to more boring classes. And I’m not sorry I missed DADA, really professor Quirrell is horrible. We don’t learn anything in that class at all. If we ever face a monster we will be lost.

 

And we kind of were when it happened. It was just when Hermione asked me if there was any truth in the other boys saying that I’m bent. And I was kind of glad I didn’t have to answer that because I’m not really sure. I’ve never liked any girl, but I’ve also never felt anything for a boy, so I just don’t know what I like. Maybe I don’t like any of them. And that’s fine too, right?

 

So Hermione asked me that and then the most foul smelling monster walked into the bathroom. It was twelve feet tall and very lumpy. Its head was bald and looked like a coconut on top of its granite grey body. The smell was really horrible, it was a mixture of old socks and the kind of public toilet no one seems to clean. And it was holding a huge wooden club, which he dragged along the floor, because of its long arms. It spotted us on the floor and started making its way towards us. We jumped up and tried to move around it to get to the door, but it got slammed shot before we could get past the troll. And then it swung its club at us. We both jump out of its way and Hermione screamed. It was a high, petrified scream that took me and the troll by surprise. She scrambled to the wall opposite the door and she looked like she was about to faint. The troll moved towards her and smashed up the sinks on his way. I threw a part of a broken sink at the troll trying to stop it. And then the door opened again, Ron and Neville walked into the room and I felt relieved we didn’t have to fight the troll alone. I threw some more things at the troll and Ron joined me from the other side. It confused the troll, he looked around and then he came for me. Ron yelled ‘Oy, pea-brain’ at it and threw a metal pipe at it. But the troll didn’t seem to notice and just kept advancing on me. I yelled at Ron and Neville to go get Hermione. Ron ran around the troll and grabbed Hermione’s hand and pulled her on her feet. But Hermione wouldn’t move, she just stood there, back against the wall and her mouth was open with terror. Neville was still throwing things at the troll, making it turn again and go for him. Neville yelled in fear and then Ron kept yelling at Hermione to move. I had to do something to stop it, so I did something that’s very brave but also very stupid. I jumped on the troll’s neck from behind, accidentally sliding my wand into its nose. It made the troll howl in pain. It started twisting around and moving its club up in the air looking for something to hit. And what Ron did next was amazing. He shouted Wingardium Leviosa and the troll's club flew into the air, turned over and dropped on the trolls head. The troll went down, falling on his face and I jumped to my feet, just in time to see Hermione throw her arms around Ron and kissing him on his lips. Ron his face turned almost as red as his hair. I laughed and Neville asked with a shaking voice if the troll was death. He wasn’t surprised at all that Hermione just kissed Ron. I pulled my wand out of the troll’s nose and wiped it on the troll’s trousers. It was then that Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape and Professor Quirrell came running into the bathroom. Quirrell almost fainted and Snape inspected the troll. McGonagall looked very angry and she shouted at all of us, that we could have been killed and she wondered why we weren’t in our dormitories.

 

I was surprised to hear Hermione take the blame for it all, saying that she went out to look for the troll and that we had all come to save her. I had never heard her tell a lie in all the time I had known her. And then professor McGonagall took five points from Gryffindor, but she awarded the rest of us each five points for defeating the troll. I was proud that I had finally won my house some points. And then she told us to go to our dormitories, where the rest of the students were finishing their feast. It was hard walking to the dungeons by myself, knowing my friends were going up together to the Gryffindor common room to celebrate.

 

Things got better after that. Ron and Neville started joining us in the library after classes, or we would spend time in the great hall with them. Ron and Hermione started holding hands a lot and smiling at each other. And on one afternoon I told Ron and Neville about the three-headed dog and the trapdoor it’s guarding. Ron was fascinated and felt bad that he hadn’t been there. First of all he would have kicked Nott’s ass for threatening a girl, he said, and secondly, he is just as curious as me about the possibility what is underneath it. I told them I think it’s the package that Hagrid has collected from Gringotts, and we spend some time speculating what it might be. But we have no idea, only that it must be really valuable or really dangerous, needing protection like that. Hermione and Neville both think we should forget about it, Neville because he’s scared of the dog and Hermione because she’s afraid it will get us killed or worse, expelled. I don’t think she knows that getting killed also means she won’t be able to go to school anymore, but I haven’t told her that, it will only upset her. And then Ron told me, that he and Neville saw professor Snape go up the stairs to the third floor when all the other teachers were on their way to the dungeons to fight the troll. And that made me think of why Snape would go to the trapdoor? Was he after the package? And if he was, why?

 

I’m eating most of my meals now at the Gryffindor table, so I can finally enjoy the food. Dean and Seamus have even given me a Gryffindor tie, saying I’m one of them now. The only problem is that I still have to go down to the dungeons to sleep. I always sneak in now, hoping no one will see me, but somehow Malfoy always seems to sense when I come in. He looks very angry when I do, I don’t know why. And Nott has managed to beat me twice since I started hanging out with the Gryffindor’s again. First last Saturday, when I came back after dinner. He hit me in the stomach while Crabbe held me in place. And today, in between classes in an empty hallway, he pushed me over and kicked my head with his feet. I had to go to the hospital wing to make sure I was okay. But I am, and I can deal with it. I won’t let them scare me away from my friends any longer, even if the bullying gets worse. I can handle it. I survived ten years with Dudley, I can survive this.

 

I have to go now and get ready for astronomy at midnight. I promise to write sooner again.

 

Love Harry James Potter.


	6. Saturday 23 November 1991

Saturday 23 November 1991

Dear mom and dad,

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the package that Hagrid and headmaster Dumbledore are hiding in the castle. I’m sure by now that Snape is after it. When I was dragging myself back towards the dungeon one evening after dinner I passed Snape his office. The door was ajar and I could hear him talking to someone. I decided to listen in and to take a peek through the open door. Filch was with him and Snape was holding his robes above his knees, making it possible to see the bloody and mangled wound on one of his legs. And then he wondered out loud how he was supposed to keep his eyes on all three heads at once. So he had tried to get past the dog again. I told Hermione, Ron and Neville the next day. Hermione is convinced I’m wrong. In her eyes, teachers can do no wrong, but Ron thinks I have a point and Neville agrees too. He’s afraid of Snape, ever since his potions incident during the first week at Hogwarts.

 

I’ve also been to my first Quidditch match ever. It was Gryffindor against Slytherin and I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to be supporting. I’m a Slytherin, but all my friends are in Gryffindor. And these days I take all my meals at their table. But I decided to wear my green jumper because I do want my house to win. Hermione said that was a good thing, but Ron disagreed. They always seem to disagree about everything, but that doesn’t seem to stop all the sweet smiles they give each other. It’s a bit weird that they are dating now, I’m just glad Hermione still has time to spend with me and that she doesn’t feel like she needs to spend all her free time with Ron.

 

We took a place in the stands and Ron and Neville brought binoculars so we could see even better. Lee Jordan, a friend of Ron’s brothers was giving commentary for the match and it was clear that he wanted Gryffindor to win. It was a very exciting game and my friends around me cheered when Gryffindor score the first goal. I pretended to be outraged about this and we had a good laugh. Hagrid came to join us and he asked me how I was doing. I told him I was good. I didn’t mention that the bullying is still going on and all the others were too involved in the game to tell Hagrid otherwise. Gryffindor got a penalty and scored again. Dean started shouting that they should hand out a red card, making me and Hermione laugh. Ron, Neville and Seamus didn’t understand which made it even more amusing. And when Slytherin scored I cheered for my team. Ron tried to muffle my screams by placing his hand over my mouth, but I just batted it away. It was good fun. Slytherin scored five more times after that and Ron and Seamus were getting upset that I was still cheering them on. But in the end, the Gryffindor Seeker caught the Snitch and Gryffindor won by one hundred and seventy to sixty.

 

After the game, I went to have some tea with Hagrid. Hermione, Ron and Neville joined me. Somehow we came on the topic of professor Snape and Ron, Neville and I all agreed that he was evil. Hagrid said that was rubbish. And then I told him that we knew that Snape had tried to get past the three-headed dog and that he was trying to steal whatever it’s guarding. Hagrid defended the dog right away, it’s his and its name is Fluffy. Really, it’s Fluffy. I don’t know what’s cute or fluffy about that dog, but Hagrid seems to think it’s a lovely animal. I tried to find out what the dog is guarding, but Hagrid wouldn’t say. It was top secret, we should forget about it, about the dog and what it’s guarding, because that’s between Professor Dumbledore and Nicolas Flamel. Hagrid was a bit upset that he let that slip, but it gives us something to look into.

 

I ate dinner that night again with the Gryffindor’s and Hermione stayed in the great hall with me until curfew. She’s been doing that a lot, knowing I don’t really want to go down to the dungeons. And with Gryffindor beating Slytherin in the Quidditch game I was sure I was going to get a beating that night. So I dragged myself to the Slytherin common room as slowly as possible. Nott, Goyle and Crabbe were already waiting for me in our dormitory. Zabini was nowhere to be seen and Malfoy left the room as soon as I came in. He looked worried, or scared, I don’t know really. It’s just, even though he still makes fun of me when everyone is around and everything, he seems to be less willing to be part of the beatings I’m getting.

 

It was bad that night, my abdomen is still purple and my body hurts everywhere. I think I even might have bruised some ribs. It hurts to breathe. But it will be okay. I’m just glad they hit me where no one else can see. I don’t want to think about what would happen if word got out that I’m weak.

 

And I don’t want you to worry, mom, I’m really okay. It’s only at night that I have to be careful. During the day I now have my friends around me. I sit with the Gryffindor’s during meals and classes. Hermione, Ron and Neville always save a seat for me now, so Malfoy is unable to mess up my notes. And when they try to make fun of me the Gryffindor’s stand up for me, what makes it easier to talk back to them. I feel a lot braver with my friends around. I’m really starting to enjoy my time here at Hogwarts.

 

It’s really cool to learn about magic, even though I’m not always that good at everything. Flying is the only thing that comes naturally and I really enjoy it. It’s a shame the lessons will end when Christmas break starts. I will miss sweeping through the air.

 

Transfiguration is a really difficult subject. I find it hard to remember all the rules of the transformation formula. It has to do with bodyweight, wand power and other things. The wand power is one I most struggle with. I’m still a little afraid of my wand, since its Voldemort's brother wand. But I’m learning how to control the thing and maybe in some time, it won’t scare me as much anymore. We’ve been working on trying to turn a match into a needle and we have started on the theory about switching spells.

 

History of Magic is all about the Gargoyle Strike and the Soap Blizzard, which are both very boring, so I won’t say too much about that. Hermione loves it and is reading all these extra books about the events. Sometimes she goes a little bit overboard with her studying, but that’s fine, because she does help a lot when it comes to my homework and essays, so I’m not complaining.

 

In Astronomy, we are learning the different names of the stars and the movements of planets. I like looking at the stars at night, they are fascinating. Ron thinks it’s boring and always says he much rather stay in bed and sleep.

 

Neville is a big fan of Herbology. He loves plants and I like partnering with him for this class. He knows a lot about the subject. We’ve been working with Wormwood, Mandrake Root and Dittany. We’ve also had theory lessons about the severing charm. I’m not sure what I think of it, I don’t think I have the green fingers necessary for this subject.

 

And in Defence against the Dark Arts, we are supposed to be learning about Doxies, Gnomes, Snails and Imps at the moments according to our book, but professor Quirrell only talks about vampires and how to fight them off. We are also supposed to learn spells, like shooting green and red sparks and a wand-lighting charm. Ron has shown me how to make the sparks come from my wand when we were reading through our DADA book. It was very easy and I feel like I could be good at DADA if the professor would just stop obsessing about vampires. I’m glad some of the charms are also part of the charms curriculum, like the wand-lighting charm.

 

I’m not really good at charms. I did manage to finally make my feather fly with the levitation charm. I got it before Malfoy and that was a fun victory. We’ve also been working on the wand-lighting charm and the Lumos Solem. I haven’t managed to make them work, but Hermione promised me she would help me practice them one of these days.

 

And then there is Potions, where I’m still forced to work with Malfoy. We’ve studied the different types of Cauldrons and Vials that we are supposed to use, but I don’t really get it. Malfoy always makes sure we have the right ones because he loves Potions. He’s really good at it, which makes it hard to keep up with what he’s doing during class. We’ve been making some potions like the cure for boils and the herbicide potion, but like I said Malfoy makes them and I just watch.

 

So I need to study a lot to get my head around all the theory of magic and the wand movements and everything. And Ron said I should stop being afraid of my wand. He thinks that’s the main reason I’m struggling with it all. Hermione agrees with him on that one (it’s a miracle!) but also thinks I just need to study harder. Studying harder is her answer to all our problems. I wish life was that simple, but I know studying won’t solve everything.

 

I’m going to sleep now,

 

Love you both,

 

Harry James Potter.


	7. Wednesday 1 January 1992

Wednesday 1 January 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

 

It’s cold here now, with all the snow we’ve been having. The lake is frozen solid. The dormitory, classrooms, library and the great hall all have roaring fires, warming the rooms, but the corridors have become icy. Only professor Snape refuses to light a fire in his classroom, he says it will interfere with the potion making. So it’s freezing cold during potions lessons. Our breath rises in mist before us during that class.

 

I stayed at Hogwarts during the holidays. I didn’t feel like going back to Privet Drive, knowing I wouldn’t get any of the food anyway. And Ron and his brothers also stayed, so that was fun. Their mom and dad went to visit his brother Charlie in Romania.

 

Before the holidays Malfoy made it his mission to point out that I wasn’t going home because my family didn’t want me. I don’t think he knows how right he is. All his jokes about it hurt. He kept bragging about how he was going to spend Christmas with his mom and dad, who loved him more than anything. And that he would get all the presents he wants and have lots of pudding and things like that.

 

Malfoy has also started to insult Ron and his family and just a couple of days before the holidays Ron dived at Malfoy when he was being mean again. Unlucky for him, Snape just came up the stairs and took five points from Gryffindor. Ron promised he would get Malfoy one day and I told Ron that I hated them both, Malfoy and Snape. Hagrid was there and he took us to the Great Hall to cheer us up. It looked spectacular with all the Christmas decoration. Festoons of holly and mistletoe hung all around the walls, and there were twelve Christmas trees with icicles and candles. I was glad I was spending the holiday here instead of at Privet Drive, it was so much cosier here at Hogwarts.

 

Before Hermione and Neville left for the holidays we’ve been searching for information on Nicolas Flamel in the library. You remember the name Hagrid dropped when we talked about what Fluffy is hiding. Well, he seems impossible to find. We’ve been through hundreds of books, but we can’t find him anywhere. He isn’t in Great Wizards of the Twentieth Century or in Notable Magical Names of Our Time. But we have to find him; it’s the only way to discover what Snape is trying to steal.

 

Only when the holidays had started, I and Ron kind of forgot all about Flamel, because we were having so much fun. We spend a lot of time next to one of the fires in the Great Hall, eating anything we could spear on a toasting fork. We started plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled. That was so much fun to talk about, even though the plans would never work. I didn’t mind going to the dungeons at night during the holidays, because I was the only Slytherin still at the castle. So I had the entire common room for myself and could take long baths without being afraid of getting beaten up. My longs don’t hurt that much anymore and the bruises have all healed.

 

Ron also taught me wizard chess. It’s the same as normal Muggle chess except that the figures are alive. It felt like I was directing troops in battle. Ron his chessmen listened to him and did what he wanted, but the pieces I had borrowed from Seamus Finnigan didn’t trust me and kept shouting bits of advice at me, which was very confusing. Image a general giving his man orders and them all ignoring him and telling him how to do its job. It would be chaos, just like my chess game.

 

And you know what the best part of the holidays was? No, well I will tell you. I got presents. I never got presents at Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. The presents were sitting at the foot of my bed when I woke up Christmas morning. I didn’t waste any time and started unwrapping them straight away. Hagrid had given me a wooden flute which sounded a bit like an owl. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had sent me a note with a fifty-penny piece, useless as normal. Another parcel contained a thick, hand knitted sweater in emerald green and a large box of homemade fudge. Later that day I learned from Ron and his brothers Fred and George that the sweater was made by their mother. I’ve sent her a thank you note to tell her I really like it. It’s soft and warm and in the colours of my house, so that’s perfect.

 

I had two more presents. One was from Hermione, a large box of Chocolate Frogs including a note that she hoped they had cards that I didn’t have yet for my collection. And then there was a parcel with a shining, silvery cloth which feels like water is woven into the material. I threw the cloak around me and when I looked down at my body I noticed I was invisible. So I ran to the mirror to check and I really was invisible, and when I pulled the cloak over my head my reflection completely vanished. When I got back to my bed I saw the note that came with the cloak. The note said that you, dad, had left this in the giver's possession before you died and that it was time that it was returned to me. It also instructed me to use it well. There was no signature. It made me feel very strange. I don’t know who sent the cloak and it was hard to imagine that it had once belonged to you, dad. I don’t own anything that had belonged to you, and now I was holding a cloak that you had held when you were still alive. I cried a little about that, missing both of you. It made me jealous of Malfoy, he was at home with his parents, enjoying their company and I was all alone. I put the cloak away and I haven’t told anyone about it. I don’t want to share it with anyone yet. It’s just between you and me, dad.

 

The rest of the day I spend with Ron, Fred and George. Christmas dinner was amazing. There were a hundred fat, roast turkeys, mountains of roast and boiled potatoes, platters of chipolatas, tureens of buttered peas, silver boats of thick, rich gravy and cranberry sauce and stacks of wizard crackers every few feet along the table. The crackers were really cool; they went off with big blasts and colourful smoke. I got a pack of non-explodable, luminous balloons, a Grow-Your-Own-Warts kit and my own set of wizard chess from the crackers.

 

After the feast, we had a snowball fight on the grounds and then the Weasleys took me to the Gryffindor common room. The fat lady did protest a little on letting me in, but she caved after some flattery of the twins. The Gryffindor common room is very cosy filled with squashy armchairs. It is decorated in the colours red and gold and on top of the fireplace mantle is a portrait of a lion. The room has a lot of windows that look out onto the grounds of the school. Ron and I set by the fire and I broke in my new chess set by losing to Ron. His brother Percy tried to help me, but I don’t think he’s as good as he thinks.

 

When I was back at my own dormitory I had to take out the invisibility cloak and try it again. I still can’t believe it had been yours, dad. And it made me feel so free. I can go wherever I want with this cloak, hide from Nott, Crabbe and Goyle when they want to beat me up again. And Filch won’t be able to see me. I went out that night, wandering the dark corridors. And I know mom, I shouldn’t break the rules, but it was fun. First I just wandered and then it came to me. I could go to the restricted section in the library to see if I could find Flamel in one of the books there.

 

The restricted section of the library is scary. It really gave me the creeps. The books there are old and most of them have titles in languages I don’t know. There was even a book that looked like it had a massive blood stain on it. And it sounded as if a faint whispering was coming from the books, as though they knew I was there. But I was determent and decided to take a book from the bottom shelf. It was a very heavy black and silver volume and when I opened it a piercing, bloodcurdling shriek split the silence. The book was screaming at me. I snapped it shut, but the screaming didn’t stop. I ran from the library, passing Filch in the doorway. When I stopped running I didn’t really know where I was, but Filch had managed to catch up with me and he was talking with Professor Snape and they were coming my way in the narrow corridor. I backed up as quietly as I could and was very happy when a door to my left was ajar so I could hide in that room. I was very relieved when they passed the door without noticing me.

 

Once they had passed I took in the room that I was hiding in. It was an unused classroom with a magnificent mirror, as high as the ceiling and an ornate gold frame. And when I looked into it, I could see myself even though I was wearing the invisibility cloak, and there you were, standing right beside me. I checked the room, but I was alone, but you were there in the mirror. I had never seen a picture of you, so I didn’t recognize you straight away, but when I realized who you where I cried. Mom, you were so beautiful, wild dark red hair and the same eyes as mine. And you cried with me. And dad, you look so much like me. I know people keep saying it to me who much I look like you, but I didn’t know they were right. And there were more people in the mirror, all looking a little like me, all of our family. And you all smiled and waved at me. I wanted to reach through the glass and reach all of you, be with all of you. I stood there for a long time until I heard some noise in the distance and made my way back to the Slytherin dungeon.

 

I went back to the mirror the next night. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all day. Ron asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t tell him. This was my secret, my family, my cloak. And I had been afraid I wouldn’t be able to find the room again. I wandered around for what felt like hours before I found the suit of armour outside of the classroom with the mirror. And you were still there, beaming at me.

 

The next day I stayed in the Slytherin common room, avoiding Ron because all I could think about was going back to the mirror at night. I set down on the floor in front of the mirror and planned to stay all night. But I wasn’t alone in the room. Headmaster Dumbledore was sitting on one of the desks by the wall. I hadn’t noticed him at all when I came in. He sat down next to me on the floor and told me all about the mirror of Erised. That it shows us what we want, that it shows our deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. And then he told me that many men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible. The mirror was moved after that and I promised the headmaster that I wouldn’t go looking for it. He told me it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Before I left I asked headmaster Dumbledore what he sees in the mirror and he said he sees himself holding a pair of thick, woollen socks. That it was because everyone always gave him books and all he wanted was to get some nice socks. I don’t think that was a trued full answer, but then again, it is quite personal what the mirror shows, and the headmaster probably didn’t want me to know.

 

I haven’t used my cloak again after that and kept my promise not to go looking for the mirror. I sometimes wish I can forget what I saw because I keep thinking of you mom and dad. And I’ve started to have nightmares. You both keep disappearing in a flash of green light in my dream, while a high voice cackles with laughter. I wish Hermione was back already so I can talk to her about it, see what she thinks. And I’m afraid if the nightmares continue when the other boys come back that they will use it against me. I don’t want them to know I have nightmares about you. Malfoy already loves to remind me all the time that I have no family, and this will only make it worse.

 

I’m off to the Great Hall now to have lunch with Ron and then we are going flying on Fred and George their brooms, they told us yesterday that we could. I’m looking forward at being in the air again. It’s wonderful and now there will be no teacher to tell me to stay closer to the ground and stop spinning around. I will have to see about buying my own broom for next year when we are allowed to have our own brooms at school, so I can go flying in my free time.

 

Love you both,

 

Your Harry James Potter.


	8. Tuesday 4 February 1992

Tuesday 4 February 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Things have become worse again. I still have nightmares and Malfoy has been making fun of that fact whenever he can. I told Hermione about the nightmares and the mirror I found. I didn’t tell her about your cloak, dad. I don’t know why, but I want to keep that just between you and me for now. Hermione was horrified about the fact that I had been out of bed at night, saying Filch could have caught me. She doesn’t know what to do about the nightmares; her advice was to think about happy thoughts before I go to sleep. I don’t think she understands how hard that is when you have an entire dormitory that wants to beat you up if you’re not careful.

 

And it’s not only the mean words of Malfoy and the beatings from Nott, Crabbe and Goyle anymore. Malfoy and Nott also decided to start practising jinxes on me. They enjoy making me trip in the hallways using the trip jinx. And Malfoy locked my legs together with the leg-locker curse just outside the library the other day. Malfoy had waited until Hermione had gone and I was alone. Malfoy joked that he had been looking for someone to practice that on. I didn’t know the counter curse so I had to bunny hop all the way to the hospital wing to get Madam Pomfrey to help me. She asked me who did that to me, but I didn’t tell her. I don’t want any more trouble then I’m already in. When I told Hermione, Ron and Neville what had happened they said I should stand up to him and that Malfoy is used to walking all over people, but that’s no reason to lie down in front of him and make it easier. I told them I’m not as brave as them, if I was I would have been in Gryffindor with them. Malfoy said the same to me. That even though I hang around Gryffindor’s, it won’t turn me into a brave idiot like them; it only showed how stupid I was thinking they would stand by me when it would really matter. Didn’t I know that Gryffindor’s can’t be trusted? He said I must have damaged my head badly when the Dark Lord came for me. And maybe he’s right, it’s not like I’m any good in school. Every time I have to use my wand I get scared and then I mess everything up.

 

It’s when I told Hermione, Ron and Neville that I’m not brave, Neville gave me the card of his chocolate frog he was eating. He said it was because I collected them, but I know he did it to try to cheer me up. I think he understands a little, he confessed not long ago that he thinks he was misplaced in Gryffindor because he’s not brave at all. I looked at the card and it was of headmaster Dumbledore. Just like the first card I got. And when I was reading the back of the card again I got so excited, because I had found Flamel! The card said: ‘Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon’s blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flamel’. When I told the others, Hermione jumped from her seat and ran out of the Great Hall, telling us to wait for her. When she came back she had an enormous old book in her arms. She called it light reading and Ron commented on that, making them snap at each other again. Really this girlfriend, boyfriend stuff is confusing.

 

When they were done snapping at each other, Hermione started flicking through the book and then told us that Nicolas Flamel is the only known maker of the Sorcerer’s Stone. I had no idea what that mend and I was glad that Ron and Neville also looked confused. She then explained it to us by reading the book. The Sorcerer’s Stone can transform any metal into pure gold and it produces the elixir of life, which will make you immortal. It also said that the only Stone currently in existence belongs to Flamel, who’s already six hundred and sixty-five years old! Can you believe that? Over six hundred years old, that must be weird, all your friends will have long died and you’ll be all alone, or you need to make new friends like every eighty years or so. I don’t think I would like that. It was already hard enough to get the friends I have now, and I also don’t like the idea of losing them. I don’t want to be lonely again.

 

So now we know what Fluffy is guarding, the Sorcerer’s Stone. And Snape wants it. Ron won’t stop talking about what he would do if he had the stone, saying it would be amazing to have all the gold in the world. He wants to buy the lasted broom and new school robes, an owl, a better house for his family, and a Quidditch team.

 

This Saturday there was another Quidditch match. It was Gryffindor against Hufflepuff. I went to watch with my friends and even wore the Gryffindor tie, just to support them a little. I didn’t go all the way and pulled my green jumper on as well. Gryffindor could overtake Slytherin in the house championship if they would win this match, so I kind of hoped they would lose. Ron and Neville complained that it was unfair that Snape was the referee for the match because he would be biased, him being the head of house of Slytherin. Professor Snape scares me; I think he might even be able to read minds. He’s been extra horrible to me in Potions, blaming me when Malfoy makes a mistake. And I keep running into him wherever I go. Maybe he knows that I know that he wants to steal the Sorcerer’s Stone.

 

In the end, we didn’t see much of the game, because Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle showed up. Malfoy poked the back of Ron’s head and said that Gryffindor would definitely lose, having a crap Seeker and the Weasley’s as beaters. How could they even think of winning the house championship? And then Malfoy said the only reason Fred and George were on the team is that everyone feels sorry for them, having no money and all. And then they said I would even be on their team if I had been a Gryffindor because people feel sorry for me because I have no parents like that makes me worth anything. I got so angry at Malfoy, so I turned around and told him I’m worth so much more than him, mister I’m so perfect but I can’t beat a muggleborn Malfoy. Well and that did it. Malfoy snapped and he punched me in the face. I was a little shocked because Malfoy had never physically hurt me before. I just stood there. But Ron and Neville came to my defence. Ron jumped on top of Malfoy and wrestled him to the ground and Neville attacked Crabbe. It gave me the courage to go after Goyle. Somehow I ended up facing Malfoy and we rolled over the ground for some time, while Ron and Neville tried to beat up Crabbe and Goyle. Hermione kept screaming for us to stop. Neville went out cold and Ron got a nosebleed. But the best part is that I had given Malfoy a black eye. When I punched him in the face he almost started crying. He screamed at Crabbe and Goyle to get me, but a teacher was coming closer, so they fled. It wasn’t long after our fight that the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch and that the game was over. All kids from Gryffindor ran onto the field to congratulate their team on taking first place in the house championship. I just waited by myself on the stand. I felt really alone at that moment. I knew that they were going to celebrate in the Gryffindor tower and that I couldn’t come with. And I also couldn’t go back to the Slytherin dungeon, not after the fight we just had. I was sure they would make sure I would get what I deserved after beating up Malfoy.

 

When everyone had left I wandered around the grounds for a long time, wishing I had brought my invisibility cloak so I could stay out after curfew and sneak into the dormitory after everyone was already in bed and asleep. When I passed the broom shed I ran into Fred, one of Ron’s brothers. He asked me how I was and I told him I was fine, that I just didn’t feel like going back to the castle just yet. I think he understood what I really mend, that I wasn’t ready yet to get beaten, again. So he gave me his broom and told me to fly around for as long as I wanted. And that’s how I started flying around the ground, close to the forbidden forest. And you will never believe what happened next. I spotted professor Snape sneaking into the forest. I flew into the forest, but the trees were too thick for me to see where Snape had gone. I circled around until I heard voices. I landed in a tree nearby and listened. Snape was threatening professor Quirrell. They talked about getting past Fluffy and some other hocus-pocus. So that must mean that there are more things protecting the Sorcerer’s Stone than only Fluffy. The only problem is that Quirrell will not be able to keep standing up to Snape, I’m sure of it. Quirrell is scared of everything and Snape can be very scary.

 

When Snape had gone I flew back to the broom shed and packed away Fred’s broom. It was getting close to curfew and I had to get back to the dungeon. I didn’t get a beating that night, Nott, Crabbe and Goyle stayed in the common room when I slipped passed to get to our dormitory. Malfoy his bed curtains were closed when I got there, and I think I heard him cry silently. It made me feel bad about hitting him. But then again, he’s the one that is always making fun of me and he hit me first. I brushed my teeth and slipped in my own bed. I couldn’t sleep for a long time, wondering why Malfoy was crying.

 

On Sunday I told Hermione about what I had heard and she was also afraid that it wouldn’t take Snape long to find out how to get past all the protection that was in place for the Sorcerer’s Stone. So she and Ron started to tell people off that were making fun of Quirrell his stutter. And I’m giving the professor a friendly smile whenever I can.

 

I also told Hermione about hearing Malfoy cry the night before. She didn’t know what to think of it either. I just know that he didn’t come out of the dorm all of Sunday and that for the last two days he hasn’t said a word to me. He won’t even look at me, which is weird after all the staring of the last couple of months. And he looks a little pale and doesn’t sit next to Nott anymore, but has started preferring Zabini in class and in the Great Hall. I think Malfoy and Nott might have had a fight about something. It’s frustrating not knowing what about and if it has something to do with me giving Malfoy a black eye. He didn’t get that healed at the hospital wing, which is also strange. I don’t understand why he wants to walk around school with a black eye when it’s not necessary.

 

I will keep you informed about what’s happening with the stone and with Malfoy, but now I really need to get ready for bed.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	9. Saturday 21 March 1992

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning, Harry will describe a very bad beating he receives in the first four paragraph's of this story, so if that's triggering for you, please skip them. Also, I'll be going on holiday in a view days and will be without internet for most of the trip so it will be at least two weeks before I'll be able to update this story again. 

Saturday 21 March 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I’m been looking at this blank page in my notebook for a while, not sure what to write. It’s hard to think back to what happened. I got hurt very bad at the end of February. Most of the bruises have healed by now and Madam Pomfrey mended my broken bones quickly. But I had gotten glass in my eye and it’s still not completely healed. Also, I still have headaches and I need to take pain potions every night to fall asleep.

 

You remember me telling you that Malfoy and Nott had started using jinxes on me, like the tripping jinx and the leg-locker curse. Well, Malfoy stopped that after our fight at the Quidditch game, but Nott only tried harder to get me to trip or fall over because my legs would get locked together. And when nobody else was around he would give me a good kick before he would move on. Until it became more than just making me trip. One evening I was walking from the library to the dungeon and Nott, Crabbe and Goyle were waiting for me in an empty hallway. They locked my legs together and pulled me into an empty classroom. There they released me, stole my wand from me and started using the knockback jinx on me, making me fall back all the time. They just laughed while I was falling into tables and chairs and onto the floor. It really hurt and I begged them to stop. Only they didn’t, they just kept going. I tried getting up all the time to make a run for the door, but they were firing the curse in turns, so I was knocked down before I could even start running.

 

I hit my head pretty hard on one of the falls and struggled to get up after that. I tried to crawl to the door. I screamed for help. But nobody heard me, and they just kept going. I was crying by then and I was so afraid. When would they stop? Would they keep going until I was dead?

 

My whole body was in pain and I just couldn’t move anymore. Goyle left then, saying I would have sure learned my lesson by now. But Nott and Crabbe stayed. They walked up to me and started kicking me, first in my stomach and at my back. And after a while I felt Nott’s feet hit my head, breaking my glasses. The glass got stuck in my eye and I screamed from the pain. I passed out after the second kick against my head. I don’t know how long they continued after that. I only know that I woke up hours later in the hospital wing with a bandage on my eye and in a lot of pain.

 

I wasn’t allowed any visitors for the first two days. Madam Pomfrey said I needed rest, so my body could heal. She told me she had mended my broken ribs and broken leg and that she had stopped all the internal bleeding. But she was still very worried about my eye and she made a special healer from London come over to take a look at it. I needed to take multiple potions those first days, for healing and against the pain. And Madam Pomfrey used a special salve for my bruises to help them heal.

 

Professor Snape came by on the second day, asking me who did this to me. I didn’t want to tell him. It would only make things worse, I was sure of it. And there is the fact that Snape hates me, there was no way he was going to help me. He told me I was a fool for not telling him and that I had been lucky that Malfoy had been worried when I hadn’t come to the dungeons that evening. I really didn’t know what to think of that, Malfoy worrying about me, it just didn’t sound right.

 

Hermione came to visit me the first time they would let her. She cried when she saw me and she apologized. I don’t know why since it wasn’t her fault I got beaten half to death. She kept going on that she had been so worried when I didn’t show up for class the day after the beating. Nobody had told them I was in the hospital wing. Ron asked Zabini if he knew anything and then Malfoy had told them I was found beaten in an empty classroom. Hermione, Ron and Neville had rushed to the hospital wing after hearing the news but were refused in. And then Hermione had asked professor McGonagall how I was doing. Professor McGonagall had been very nervous about me according to Hermione. I asked her if she knew who found me, but she didn’t.

 

I was allowed one visitor per day for the next few days, so I only saw Hermione. She kept me up to date with my schoolwork and even gave me her notes. She also told me that they were sure the Sorcerer’s Stone was still safe. She, Ron and Neville pressed their ears at the locked door of the third-floor corridor every time they passed it to check that Fluffy was still growling inside.

 

After a week the special eye healer came by again and he said that my eye was improving. I still take potions for it now, but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. I wear a bandage on it all the time and it looks really stupid with my glasses on top of that.

 

I had to stay another week in the hospital wing but was allowed to see more people. Ron and Neville came by in between classes and told me that Nott and Malfoy aren’t talking to each other. Malfoy even attacked Nott the day after I was beaten. I really don’t get what is going on with Malfoy. It sounds like he cares about what happened to me, but that can’t be, can it?

 

Zabini came by on the weekend, saying he was sorry and that he wished that he had helped me before things had gotten this bad. He said he had told Professor Snape that he thinks Nott did this to me. That he and Crabbe had been laughing when they had come back to the dormitory that night. And that they had cleaned blood of their shoes in the showers. Zabini also said that I had made Malfoy nervous and that Malfoy had sneaked out of the dungeon to warn Snape. He had never seen Malfoy look that scared when he came back to the dormitory, and Zabini thinks I should thank him when I would see him again because I could have died if he hadn’t made the professors look for me.

 

I was released from the hospital wing on a Wednesday when everyone was still in class. Professor Snape escorted me to the dormitory and told me I was expected to attend classes again the next day and that I should come to him if I was struggling with any of them because of my injuries.

 

Back in my room I first went for my trunk to put on some clean clothes, only to discover that someone had rummaged through it. I sat down on the ground in front of it for a long time. They were gone, my notebook and the cloak. I couldn’t believe it. Not only had they beaten me half to death, they also took the only things that mattered to me. Right then I wished they really had beaten me to death. At least then it wouldn’t all hurt so much anymore.

 

I was still crying by the time Malfoy came into the dormitory a little before dinner. He didn’t say a word, just opened his own trunk and search for something all the way at the bottom. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw what he dug up. He was holding my notebook and cloak. He placed them on the ground next to me and walked out of the dormitory again. I didn’t go to dinner that night; I just curled on my bed, holding the cloak and notebook to my chest.

 

The next morning Zabini and Malfoy waited for me before they walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione gave them a friendly smile before she took my arm and escorted me to the Gryffindor table to eat with them. And either Ron, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Fred or George walk with me through the hallways. And then at the end of the day, Zabini and Malfoy come to take me back down to the dungeon. And it looks like Malfoy is hardly sleeping at night. He has dark circles underneath his eyes and he starts drifting off in class more every day. I think he stays awake at night just to make sure Nott and Crabbe don’t hurt me again.

 

And then last Sunday happened. Everyone was off to breakfast and Malfoy and I were alone in our dormitory. He was sitting on his bed, working on our Potions homework when he suddenly started speaking. He said he hadn’t read through my notebook, he just took it to keep it safe. And that he had seen the invisibility cloak when he was searching for the notebook, and knowing that Nott would destroy that too if he would find it, he hid it as well. I thanked him for keeping them safe. And I also thanked him for finding Snape when I went missing. He looked away then, saying it was nothing. That he should have stopped them in the first place. That he was the one that had started it all in September, and that if he hadn’t this would have never happened. He didn’t say sorry, but I don’t think Malfoy has ever said sorry for anything in his life, but only admitting that he was partly at fold was already a big deal for him.

 

Since then he talks to me during Potions, telling me what he’s doing and making sure I understand. It helps a lot and I feel like I’m getting better at it now. Zabini is also starting conversations with me now in the dorms when we brush our teeth and get ready for school in the morning. It’s kind of nice to have someone to talk to when I’m in the dungeon.

 

Professor Snape asked me again this week who it was that had beaten me, but I still didn’t tell him. Hermione, Ron and Neville think I should. It would definitely get Nott and Crabbe expelled, but I don’t think that will happen. They will just get some detention and that will only make things worse for me. At least now I have some people in Slytherin that are looking out for me. If I would turn on my own housemates I don’t think I’ll be safe from the older students. In all my time here I learned one thing; Slytherin’s don’t tell on each other, we fix our own problems. And it is about time I start doing that and stop them from taking advantage of me.

 

I promise to stay safe from now on.

 

Love you and miss you terribly,

 

Harry James Potter.


	10. Sunday 19 April 1992

Sunday 19 April 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Hermione is driving me insane! She has made herself a study schedule because exams are only eight weeks away. And she’s been bugging me, Ron and Neville to do the same. She’s been complaining about it for the last two weeks, saying the exams will be here before we know it. As if it isn’t bad enough already that we have stacks of homework for this Easter holiday. It’s been really hard to relax with Hermione reciting all her work or practising wand movements. I’m hiding from her right now. Malfoy thinks it’s very funny, he’s been trying to hide his laugh since I walked into the dormitory.

 

He and I have been getting along well this last month. You remember me telling you that I thought he was staying awake at night to make sure Nott and Crabbe would behave. Well, I was right. He fell asleep during History of Magic that Tuesday and he could hardly stay awake at lunch. So I asked him about it that evening when he was walking me back to the dungeon. He first tried to brush it away, saying he got plenty of sleep and that it was nothing. So I told him I don’t blame him for what happened and that he doesn’t need to protect me, that I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. He screamed at me then, saying I clearly did need protection, since I had spent two weeks in the hospital wing after Theo had beaten me up. And that I was crazy if I thought that he would let that happen again. I just stood there, looking at him with my mouth open, not knowing what to say or do. Malfoy was really worried about my wellbeing and that was just too crazy for words. After a couple of seconds, Malfoy started walking again and I just followed him.

 

The next day I went to sit with him and Zabini for breakfast and tried to talk to him again about him staying awake to make sure I’m fine. Zabini agreed with me that Malfoy did need some sleep and he helped me convince him to stop trying to stay awake all the time. From then on I kept eating breakfast with them at the Slytherin table. I still have lunch and dinner with Hermione and her fellow Gryffindor’s, but it’s also nice to spend more time at my own house table. I think Zabini, Malfoy and I are becoming friends. It’s making things a little more complicated because Ron and Neville can’t seem to forgive Malfoy for all the teasing he did before, but he has changed and hasn’t said a bad word about or to me in the last two months. I didn’t tell Ron and Neville about him staying awake to keep me safe and how he saved my notebook and cloak (that they don’t even know about) from Nott. Ron and Neville not knowing that might make it harder for them to see that Malfoy is trying to be my friend, but I’m not willing to tell them. Only Hermione knows that Malfoy sacrificed his sleep to keep me safe and protected my notebook while I was in the hospital wing, and she still thinks Malfoy must have read my letters to you, but he said he didn’t and I’ll believe him until there is prove otherwise.

 

We also ran into Hagrid in the library last week, which was very unusual. He tried to hide some things behind his back and asked us if we were still looking for Nicolas Flamel. Ron bragged that we had found him ages ago. I had to hide my smile when Neville rolled his eyes. It had been Hermione and me that had figured it out, Ron had no part in that and he knew that. But I’m getting used to Ron taking credit for work he hasn’t done, always making everything sounding like a team effort instead of giving the person that done it the credit unless of course, Ron did it, then it’s just him.

 

Hagrid shushed him quickly, telling us not to shout about it. And when I told him I had some more questions about what else is guarding the stone apart from Fluffy he invited us over at his place. After he left Ron and Neville decided to find out what he had been hiding and told us he had been in the dragon section. I told them Hagrid always wanted a dragon and they informed me it was outlawed years ago. And that having a dragon is dangerous. Ron said his brother Charlie has some pretty scars from when he was burned by wild ones in Romania.

 

When we (Hermione, Ron, Neville and I) got to Hagrid’s hut all the curtains were closed and Hagrid even asked who it was before he let us in. I asked him about the stone and if he knew what else was guarding it, but Hagrid didn’t know. He only told us, after Hermione flattered him, that some professor’s helped with the guarding. Most of them are fine professors, but Snape was one of them. And I’m still sure he wants to steal the stone. And if he helped with the guarding, he might even know how to get past the other spells and protections in place. But Hagrid promised us that only he and Dumbledore know how to get past Fluffy, so I think the stone is safe for now.

 

But that’s not the only thing we found out when we were at Hagrid. He’s hiding a dragon egg in his hut. That’s why all the curtains were closed and he had a steaming hot fire going. He had won it in a game of cards with a stranger. He has gotten a book out of the library about dragon breeding, so he knows what to do and what kind of dragon egg he has. It’s a Norwegian Ridgeback.  I’m worried about Hagrid and his egg. What would happen to him when anyone would find out that he is hiding an illegal dragon in his hut?

 

The dragon is just another thing I have to worry about. There is the stone of course, which Snape is trying to steal, the dragon, the upcoming exams and the trickiest problem of all: Nott and Crabbe. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to stop them from coming after me. It’s nice that my friends escort me everywhere, but it would be nice to go somewhere by myself again, to be able to go to the toilet without someone having to come with me, just in case Nott tries something. And I know they’ve been looking for opportunities. I think I’ll need the help of Malfoy on this one. He’s much more cunning than me. I think I’ll ask him right now, I’m sure he can use a break from his studying. I’ll be right back and tell you how it went.

 

We have a plan. Malfoy is going to teach me some spells that will help me defend myself when they attack me again and some spells I can use to get back at them. I’m not sure about attacking them, but Malfoy says I need to show them that I will stick up for myself, that it is the only way to make them stop. And maybe he’s right, so I will learn the jinxes and see if I’ll use them when the time is there.

 

It’s almost time for the Easter dinner now, I can’t believe how the time flew when Malfoy and I were talking. We first talked about the plan to stop Nott and Crabbe. And then we talked about the upcoming exams. Malfoy told me his father expects him to be top of the class, but he thinks Hermione will beat him in most subjects. I told him his father would still be proud of him when he becomes second. I don’t think Malfoy thinks that is true, he still smiled at me and thanked me. I told him that my aunt and uncle won’t care how I do with my exams and that they don’t really care about me at all. Malfoy found that hard to believe.

 

Somehow we came to the topic of flying and we went on about that for most of the afternoon. Malfoy told me about his broom collection at his home. He lives in a mansion, with massive gardens and even a forest. He can fly around without any change of muggles seeing him. He said I should come to visit him during the summer hols, so we can go flying together, maybe even practice for the Quidditch try-outs. Malfoy wants to be part of the team next year. He hates just watching, he wants to play. He says he thinks he will be perfect for the seeker position. And I think he’s right. He’s really good on a broom.

 

I like the idea that Malfoy sees it as a possibility for me to come to visit him during the summer break. I think it means we are really friends now. He’s sitting next to me on my bed now, working on an essay. He asked me what I write in this notebook if it was some sort of dairy. So I told him, that I write to you, and he thinks that is cool, and a bit sad. He said he was sorry that you are dead and that I don’t have any living relatives I can write to. He writes to his mother once a month, to tell her how he’s doing. And that the best part is receiving a letter back, which I never will.

 

Him not knowing what I write in this notebook means he really didn’t read it when he was keeping it safe and that’s fantastic. It makes me feel all warm inside, I don’t really get why. I like hanging out with Malfoy. He’s really funny when he wants to and really smart. Not as smart as Hermione, but he comes close.

 

We have to go to the Easter dinner now.

 

Write to you again soon,

 

Harry James Potter.


	11. Sunday 17 May 1992

Sunday 17 May 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Don’t get mad, but I’ve gotten myself in trouble and have to serve detention sometime soon. I promise it was for a good reason. We had to save Hagrid’s dragon, but we got caught by Professor McGonagall.

 

On the first Wednesday after the Easter holidays, Hagrid send us a note saying that his dragon egg was hatching. I was having lunch with Draco and Blaise when his note arrived. It only said: It’s hatching. Draco wanted to know what was hatching and on our way to Herbology, I told him that Hagrid was hiding a dragon egg in his hut. Draco his mouth fell open in surprise and he wanted to skip Herbology to go watch the egg hatch. I agreed with him and ran up to Hermione and Ron to tell them we were going to Hagrid. Ron wanted to come with, but Hermione wouldn’t hear of it. She started complaining, but Ron silenced her when Draco came closer. I told them Draco knows and Ron was outraged. He said I was an idiot for trusting Malfoy, that he would betray Hagrid and get him fired. Draco then called Ron a fool and they started bickering. I just took Hermione’s arm and escorted her to Hagrid’s hut. Ron and Draco followed us still calling each other names until we reached the door.

 

When we came to Hagrid’s hut, he also looks suspicious of Draco being there but didn’t say anything. The egg was already full of deep cracks and a funny clicking noise was coming from it. We watched closely and with a scraping noise, the egg split open. A baby dragon looks ugly, like a crumpled, black umbrella. And it had huge wings compared to its skinny body. Its eyes are orange and it had stubs of horns and a long snout with wide nostrils. Hagrid thought it was beautiful, Draco said it looks disgusting and wanted to leave. He froze on his way to the door, saying someone had looked through the window. I jumped to my feet and threw the door open and saw Nott running away in the distance.

 

Only nothing happened, Nott just kept giving me and Draco lurking faces in the next week. Hermione, Ron, Neville and I spend a lot of time at Hagrid’s darkened hut, trying to make him realize he can’t keep the dragon. But he even named it Norbert, like it’s a little child. It had grown three times in length in that first week and Hagrid didn’t do anything else than look after it, ignoring all his gamekeeping duties. Draco didn’t want to come with to Hagrid. He always made up excuses about homework he still needed to do.

 

I knew he was lying about the homework because I’ve been studying with him a lot since Hermione went into ‘oh no, exams are only a few weeks away, we need to stress out and drag everyone around me with me into a study frenzy’ mode. It’s really nice to work with Draco. He’s really smart and I think I might even pass potions with a decent grade now thanks to him. If he starts talking to me again that is. He also got detention, and that is kind of my fault.

 

Like I was telling, we tried to convince Hagrid to let Norbert go, but he wouldn’t, saying it would die if he would set it free. And then I had an idea. Ron his older brother Charlie studies dragons in Romania. I asked Ron if we could send Norbert to him. Hagrid needed some convincing but soon realized that it would be the best change for Norbert. So Ron wrote a letter to Charlie.

 

It took a week of helping Hagrid, going to class, studying for the exams and learning defensive charms and jinxes to get back at Nott and Crabbe from Draco before we got an answer from Charlie. It was on a Wednesday. Ron had gotten bitten by Norbert that afternoon and he was all upset that Hagrid said it only bit him because he had frightening it and that Hagrid had started singing it a lullaby when Ron left.

 

Charlie was willing to take the dragon and even had a plan to get it to Romania. Some friends of him would come this Saturday night to the tallest tower of Hogwarts to take him away when it was still dark. Hermione sends an answer right away since Ron couldn’t write because of the bite to his hand. They were just wondering how we would get the dragon up to the tower without anyone seeing us. I knew we could use the invisibility cloak, but that mend I had to tell them about it. And I trust them, Hermione the most, but it was my secret. A secret only Draco knew about.

 

By the next morning, Ron his bitten hand had swollen to twice its usual size and the cut had turned a nasty shade of green. Draco said that it is what you get if you mess with dangerous animals. Ron had to go to the hospital wing and when Hermione and I went to visit him at the end of the day he was even worse. We told him he should just rest and that we would take care of the dragon on Saturday. With Ron out of the picture, I could tell Hermione about the cloak and we could do it together, just her and me. And we really needed the cloak, since Crabbe had stopped by at the hospital wing to borrow a book from Ron, the book with Charlie’s letter in there. Meaning Crabbe and Nott would know that we are going to get rid of Norbert on Saturday.

 

The next day I told Hermione about the cloak. She was fascinated with it and decided to research invisibility cloaks right away. Hermione believed it would be enough to make sure that Nott and Crabbe won’t catch us since they don’t know about it. I also told Malfoy what we were going to do and he told me to be careful and that he would keep an eye on Nott and Crabbe on Saturday, to make sure they won’t notice when I would sneak out with my cloak. He didn’t want to come with. I think he’s afraid of the dragon. He keeps saying it’s a dangerous animal and that it could hurt us if we aren’t careful. I wonder what he would think of Fluffy on the third floor. I almost forgot about Fluffy and the stone with everything that’s going on. I think I should tell Draco about it to see what he thinks. But he likes Snape, so I don’t think he will believe me when I tell him Snape wants to steal it.  

 

And then Saturday arrived. It was a very dark and cloudy night. Draco made sure Nott, Crabbe and Goyle didn’t come into the dormitory when I took out my cloak and hit it under my pillow. Around eleven, when everyone except Draco and I were asleep I hit underneath my cloak and walked up to the Gryffindor common room after Draco wished me luck.

 

Hermione was waiting for me when I knocked on the frame of the fat lady, to let her know I was there. We had to wait for Peeves to get of our way in the entrance hall, where he was playing tennis against the wall, so we were running late. Hagrid had Norbert packed and ready in a large crate, saying he had packed it’s teddy bear in case he would get lonely. We covered the crate with the invisibility cloak and somehow managed to get back to the castle and up all the staircases until we reached the corridor beneath the tallest tower.

 

There were people ahead of us. Hermione and I forgot for a moment that we were already invisible and shrank into the shadows, staring at the dark outlines of two people grappling with each other. Draco was one of the people, together with Professor McGonagall. She shouted: ‘Detention, and twenty points from Slytherin!’ Draco tried to convince her that Nott was coming; that he was planning on hurting Harry again, but the professor wouldn’t believe him. And I think the statement was more mend for me than for the professor. Draco had wandered out at night to try to warn me. And now he’s in trouble because of it. I feel really bad about that.

 

Hermione and I struggled up the spiral staircase up to the top of the tower. I had tears in my eyes because of what had happened to Draco and I throw off the cloak as soon as we were out in the cold night air. I tried to hide my tears and tried not to get angry with Hermione, who was a little bit happy about Draco losing points for Slytherin. He came up to help us and all she cared about was house points.

 

Charlie’s friends came only minutes later and they rigged Norbert up in a harness so they could suspend him between them. We helped them buckle Norbert safely into it and then they were gone. We slipped back down the spiral staircase. I felt horrible and didn’t feel like going back to the dungeon where I would find an upset Draco. And I didn’t really get a chance to get back there, because we had forgotten to put the invisibility cloak back on. I left it on top of the tower and I’m sure I’ll never see it again. And on top of that Filch was waiting for us at the foot of the stairs.

 

Filch took us to professor McGonagall’s study on the first floor. We waited without saying a word. Hermione was trembling and I was trying to find a good excuse for why we were out of bed in the middle of the night, but I couldn’t come up with anything. And I had lost your cloak dad and had gotten Draco into trouble, making him lose points for Slytherin for the first time ever. I was sure if we told professor McGonagall the true she would expel us on the spot and make sure Hagrid would get fired.

 

And things got even worse when Professor McGonagall came into her study. She was leading Nott who started shouting that he was going to catch me because I had a dragon. Professor McGonagall was very angry and told us it was wrong to make up lies to get back on students. Even worse was that Draco had tried to help Harry and had already lost Slytherin points and scored himself a detention because of the cock-and-bull story about a dragon I had made up. She said she thought Granger would have more sense and that she had expected me to be better than this. We all got detentions and she took fifty points each from our houses. I tried to plead with her to not take that many points, but she said that I couldn’t tell her was she could and couldn’t do. She would also report us to Snape.

 

After that, we were escorted back to our dormitories. We had lost a hundred and twenty points for Slytherin that night. And Gryffindor was already leading because they had been winning with Quidditch. Because of me, Slytherin was now in the last place. Nott went to his bed without saying a word, but I was sure he would also blame it all on me. And Draco was hiding in his bed. I didn’t sleep all night. I could hear Draco sobbing into his pillow for hours. I didn’t know what to say to comfort him, how sorry I was that he had gotten into trouble because of me.

 

The next day most of the Slytherins passing the giant hourglasses that recorded the house points thought there’d been a mistake until the story started to spread that I, the famous Harry Potter and some other stupid first years had lost them all those points. I was suddenly the most hated person in Slytherin. And Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs started to congratulate me on making Slytherin lose the house cup.

 

Some older Slytherin students made me leave the Slytherin table in the great hall this morning, saying I should go hang out with my Gryffindor friends since I was only planning on shaming my house. I hope they won’t do anything worse to me, like what Nott and Crabbe had done to me in March. My eye has healed mostly by the way. I did need new subscriptions for my glasses because my eye is a little worse than before. But I can see everything just fine with my new glasses.

 

Draco hasn’t said a word to me all day, hasn’t even looked my way. I think he hates me again. And that is the worst of all. I know Hermione, Ron and Neville are still my friends. And Blaise is also polite to me, just laying low until the worst of this is over, so he won’t also get in trouble with our fellow Slytherin. But I miss Draco’s jokes and I could really use his help with the potions essay I was writing today. I just don’t know how I can tell him that I’m really sorry when he won’t talk to me or even look at me.

 

Love you, and I’m sorry I messed everything up,

 

Your Harry James Potter.


	12. Tuesday 2 June 1992

Tuesday 2 June 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

After I lost Slytherin so many points I swore to myself not to meddle in things that aren’t my business from then on. No more sneaking around and spying. No more trying to stop Snape from stealing the sorcerer’s stone. I would just go to my classes, sit with the Gryffindor’s, since I wasn’t welcome anymore at the Slytherin table, and study hard for my upcoming exams.

 

It has been hard. Hermione, Ron and Neville are fun to hang out with, but I missed the times Draco and I would just spend with the two of us, talking about everything and nothing. I missed his lessons in defensive charms and jinxes. He just knew how to get me to use my wand without being afraid of it. But he ignored me all the time, so that wasn’t happening anymore. And on top of that Nott and Crabbe had started with their jinxes and beatings again. It was again not safe for me to be alone in our dormitory, partly because Draco only came in when he was off to bed and he was always already off to breakfast before I even woke up. I didn’t know if he just didn’t know that Nott had started beating me again or if he didn’t care.

 

I’ve been really busy with studying with Hermione. I’m trying to remember the ingredients of complicated potions, learn all the charms and spells by heart and memorize the dates of magical discoveries and goblin rebellions. It’s a lot and it helped keep my mind of how miserable I was without Draco around.

 

I even ignored the fact that I heard professor Quirrell whimpering in a classroom on my way back to the dungeon after a study session with Hermione. It sounded as someone was threatening him. And when Quirrell hurried out of the room he was pale and looked as though he was about to cry. I’m sure Snape had been the one threatening him and had finally gotten what he wanted. I told Hermione and she reminded me that Snape doesn’t know how to get past Fluffy, but I’m sure that’s just a matter of time.

 

Her next suggestion was to go to headmaster Dumbledore. But we don’t have any proof. Quirrell will never tell on Snape, he’s much too scared. Snape would deny everything and on top of that, we are not even supposed to know about the stone and Fluffy. How are we going to explain that without getting ourselves in even more trouble or lose any more house points? So I decided to do nothing and hope for the best.

 

The Saturday after that, Hermione, Draco, Nott and I had our detention. We had to meet Mr Filch in the entrance hall at eleven o’clock at night. Filch led us outside and started bragging that we’ll think twice about breaking school rules again and that it was a pity they let the old punishments die out, like hanging you by your wrists from the ceiling for a few days. None of us said a word while Filch led us towards Hagrid’s hut. Hagrid shouted to Filch to hurry up and I was happy that we were serving detention with Hagrid.

 

That was until we heard we were going into the forbidden forest. Draco stopped dead in his tracks and started stuttering, saying we couldn’t go into the forest, that there were all sorts of things in there, like werewolves. His face had become even paler than it normally is and I was worried about him.

 

Filch left us alone with Hagrid and Draco turned to him telling him he wasn’t going into the forest. There was a note of panic in his voice. Nott also started to protest, saying he wasn’t going either. Hagrid shut them both up that by saying that if they wanted to stay at Hogwarts they will go in. He said that we had done wrong and that we now have to pay for it. Draco started ranting then, saying that this was servant stuff, not for students and that if his father would know what he was doing… well, we never found out, because Hagrid stopped him by saying that if he rather was expelled he could go back to the castle to start packing.

 

For a short moment, I was afraid Draco would turn around and leave school and that I would never be able to say sorry to him. But he just looked furiously at Hagrid and stayed.

 

Hagrid showed us some shining silvery stuff on the ground. It was unicorn blood, meaning a unicorn was hurt and we had to go look for it. He said he found a dead unicorn last weekend. Draco was afraid that whatever had killed the unicorn would find us first. But Hagrid said we would be fine if we were with him or Fang. We were split into two groups. I was going with Draco and Fang, while Hermione and Nott went with Hagrid.

 

The forest was dark and silent. We didn’t talk and kept our eyes on the ground and every now and then the moonlight would light up a spot of unicorn blood. While we were walking we could hear something slithering over dead leaves nearby. We stopped and I tried to spot whatever was making that noise. Draco looked at me with frightened eyes. After a few seconds, the sound faded and we started walking again, a little closer together and a little slower. I had the feeling we were being watched, it was really scary.

 

The minutes dragged by and I felt sad and lonely, even with Draco walking next to me. So I dog up my courage and told Draco I was sorry he had gotten into trouble because of me and that I missed him. Draco didn’t say anything back and when I looked up at him I saw he was crying. When Draco noticed that I was looking at him he whipped an arm over his eyes. In a soft voice, he said he missed me too. But his father had been very angry with him and it had scared him. I said again that I was sorry and asked if we’ll ever be okay. He said we would and he said he was sorry for ignoring me.

 

We walked on in silence again after that. The path became almost impossible to follow and the blood seemed to be getting thicker. And when we reached a clearing I could see something bright white gleaming on the ground. We inched closer and saw that it was the unicorn. It was already dead, but it was still beautiful. I took a step toward it and then we heard the slithering sound again. We both froze on the spot and looked to the spot where the sound had come from. A hooded figure came crawling across the ground and started to drink the unicorn’s blood. Draco screamed, it was a terrible sound and I turned quickly to look at him. He was as white as a ghost and he reached out his arm to grab my hand and started pulling me away from the clearing. Before we started running I looked back and saw that the hooded figure had raised its head and was looking right at me. A horrible pain pierced my head then like my scar was on fire. I staggered a little until Draco pulled on my hand, making me turn back to him and we ran.

 

Draco made red sparks come from his wand while we were running. We didn’t stop until we were almost back at the spot where we had split up from the others and Hagrid was running towards us. I fell to my knees when I saw him and Draco kneeled down next to me. He asked me if I was alright because I was holding my free hand over my scar. The other one was still in Draco’s hand. I told him my scar hurt but that I was fine. That the pain was already going away.

 

Hagrid caught up with us and we told him what we had seen. I asked him what it was, but Hagrid didn’t’ know. Draco said it must have been weak, to drink unicorn blood, because it would keep it alive but that it would also curse it. That the creature must be very afraid to die. Hermione had joined us and said something that made me think. She said that it would be bad unless you only needed to stay alive long enough to drink something else that will make sure you can never die. She was talking about the sorcerer’s stone, I’m sure. It makes the elixir of life. But who would be so weak they would need unicorn blood to stay alive?

 

Draco kept holding on to my hand on our walk back to the castle. Nott made a disgusting face when he passed us into the Slytherin common room. He went straight to bed, but I stopped Draco from following. I told him about the stone and Fluffy and everything and that I now think that someone very weak wants it, someone, who lost all its power. And then it came to me, Hagrid had told me the first time I met him, that some people said that Voldemort was dead, but that he might also still be out there, weakened and searching for something to get him back to power. Something like the sorcerer stone.

 

I said that Snape wanted to steal it for Voldemort. Draco told me to stop saying that name, that you don’t talk about the Dark Lord like that. He didn’t say anything about that I think that Snape is working for Voldemort. It was like that didn’t surprise him at all. He was more afraid of what Voldemort would do to me if he would get his powers back. If he would try to kill me like he had done when I was a baby. And he was afraid of what it would mean for his family if the Dark Lord came back. He told me his father used to be one of his followers. We talked about it the rest of the night and light was already starting to light up the water of the lake when we went to bed.

 

And you will never believe what I found under my sheets. Neatly folded with a note on it saying: just in case. It was my invisibility cloak. I was so happy to have it back. That and the fact that Draco is talking to me again make everything just a little easier. We are still scared about Voldemort coming back and I’m still going crazy from all the studying, but Draco is helping me again. He also noticed that Nott was hitting me again and he now makes sure I’m never alone in the dormitory. We study together almost all the time. Hermione said she misses me, so I told Draco I’ll have to go study with her tomorrow. But for now, we are just hanging on Draco’s bed trying to remember the names of Jupiter’s moon and all the other stuff we need to know for our exams. They will start in two weeks, so I probably won’t write again until after.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	13. Monday 29 June 1992

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, sorry it took so long since my last upload. Our internet provider decided to break a cable somewhere and we have been without internet for over more than a week. :( We're back online now, and you get rewarded with the longest letter as to date. 

Monday 29 June 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I had a fight with Draco only two days after my last letter. It was silly and didn’t last long, but I was so upset that he hadn’t told me it was his birthday, that I got angry with him. I found out during breakfast when Draco got this massive package from his parents, filled with presents, candy and a birthday card. Blaise congratulated Draco and Nott made a comment that his parents wouldn’t send him this much if they knew Draco was a poof. Draco ignored him and I gave him a questioning look, but Draco didn’t say anything to me. I told him that he could have told me it was his birthday, but he said it was no big deal. And maybe he was right, but it didn’t feel good that I hadn’t known. If I had known I would have got him a present or something.

 

I brought it up again later that day and Draco just snapped at me saying I should stop worrying about it, that we had bigger things to worry about, like Voldemort and the stone. We screamed at each other for a while and then we both went our separate ways. I hung out with Hermione after class in the library to study and then had dinner with the Gryffindor’s.

 

And maybe I shouldn’t have gotten upset, because now I kind of ruined Draco’s birthday. He was crying in his bed when I came back to the dormitory. So I sat down on the side of his bed and said I was sorry, that I hadn’t meant to ruin anything or make it all about me instead of him. And I told him that he was right, we did have bigger things to worry about. Draco sat up next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. He forgave me and told me I could do something nice for his birthday next year. We talked a little after that, about the presents Draco had gotten. He said he missed the amazing birthday cake one of the house elves at home used to make for him for his birthday. And that it was weird not celebrating with his mother and father. I told Draco I never really had a birthday feast or anything, that my aunt and uncle always forgot my birthday. Draco said he would see if I could come over to his house on my birthday, so I could have a cake and everything. I think that’s really nice of him. After that, we talked about how nervous we both were for our exams. Draco’s dad expects him to be top of the class and Draco is sure his father is going to be upset when he finds out that a mudblood witch is doing better than him. I responded with that he would still beat the famous Harry Potter with his grades and that made him laugh.

 

The rest of the next two weeks went by in a blur. We went to class and I either studied with Draco or Hermione for our exams. The days were getting hotter and I was happy that the dungeon stayed nice and cool, making it easier to study there. I told Hermione, Ron and Neville and they just complained that the west tower was sweltering hot.

 

As time went by my scar started to hurt more often. I tried to ignore it, only Draco notices everything and I know he was getting worried. I told him I was fine, but the fact that I wasn’t sleeping well on top of it, made it so that Draco didn’t believe me. I kept having nightmares about Voldemort, hearing him laugh when he killed you, mom, and then seeing a hooded figure with blood dripping from his face staring at me. It woke me up screaming a couple of times. And every time I did, Draco was next to my bed in seconds to make sure I was alright.

 

When the exams started Fluffy was still growling behind the door on the third-floor corridor, so the stone was still safe. I tried not to think of it too much, so I could concentrate on my exams.

 

We had to write our papers in a large classroom with special, new quills that had been bewitched with an anti-cheating spell. We also had practical exams. For Charms, we had to make a pineapple tap-dance across a desk and for Transfiguration we had to turn a mouse into a snuffbox. I managed to do both, so I’m sure I’ll have some decent marks, even though I might have screwed up my written exams.

 

The practical for potions was the hardest because we all had to make a potion by ourselves, with no help from our usual partners. Professor Snape kept breathing down my neck while I tried to remember how to make a Forgetfulness Potion. Draco was working on the table next to me and he kept giving me reassuring looks. I know he was acing his practical. I tried really hard to remember all the tips he had given me, but I’m not sure if my potion came out any good.

 

Our last exam was History of Magic and I was grateful for all the time I had spent studying with Hermione and her call cards because I remember most of the dates and everything about the battles and rebellions we had discussed this year in class. I was really looking forward to the week off after the exams, two weeks of them is hard. So I cheered with everyone else when Professor Binns told us to put down our quills.

 

We all ended up at the side of the lake lying around the grass underneath a tree. Ron was stretched out on the grass, while Hermione was sitting next to him, holding his hand. Neville lay belly down next to Ron and I was on my back next to him. I looked sideways at Draco who was sitting against the tree with Blaise next to him. Hermione was going over the exam, questioning all her answers and Draco was joining in with her. They both liked to go through the exam papers afterwards and compare answers. It was good seeing them all enjoy themselves and getting along. I know we all still get weird looks when we hang out as a group, Slytherin’s and Gryffindor’s together because we are supposed to be reviling houses, but none of us seems to care, so that’s fine. Even Ron and Draco seem to get along these days.

 

My scar was hurting again and it was putting me down. I wished it would stop. And when Ron told me to cheer up I screamed at him. It wasn’t because I was mad at him, but because I was scared. The scar had never hurt as often as this. Hermione suggested going to Madam Pomfrey, which made Draco laugh. He said I wasn’t ill, so what help could she be. And then it hit me, what if it was a warning, maybe it hurt because it wanted me to know that danger was coming. Ron and Neville said I should relax, that the stone was safe as long as Dumbledore was around. That Snape would never steal it because he still didn’t know how to get past Fluffy.

 

All of this confused Blaise at first, because he didn’t know about it all, so we filled him in and he agreed with Ron and Neville. He also didn’t see why Snape would steal it. So Draco told him about Voldemort being in the forest and that Snape was one of his followers, a death eater, just like Draco’s dad.

 

After all this, the others started talking Quidditch, but I didn’t really join in on the conversation. I couldn’t shake off the lurking feeling that there was something I had forgotten to do, something important. I watched an owl flutter toward the school and thought of the fact that I only ever got letters from Hagrid. Loyal Hagrid would never betray Dumbledore. Hagrid would never tell anyone how to get past Fluffy, never, unless it means getting the one thing he wanted more than anything else if it means getting a dragon.

 

I jumped to my feet and said I needed to see Hagrid. Hermione and Draco ran after me. They both voiced a why in unison. And I told them it was a bit odd that what Hagrid wants more than anything else is a dragon, and a stranger turns up who just happens to have an egg in his pocket? How many people wander around with illegal dragon eggs? Draco cursed when I had stopped talking and said the one thing I was afraid of, that they had used the dragon egg to get information on how to get past Fluffy.

 

So we asked Hagrid about the night he won Norbert and found out that the stranger wouldn’t take off his cloak, so Hagrid had no idea who it had been. But that was not the worsted of it, Hagrid had told the stranger about Fluffy to prove that he could handle a dragon and by doing so he had given away how to get past Fluffy. You just have to play it a little music to make it sleep.

 

We ran back to the castle after our little talk with Hagrid and even though I had said to myself that I wouldn’t meddle in anything anymore, this was my life we were talking about, so I decided it was time to tell headmaster Dumbledore. But none of us knew where his office was. And when I wanted to suggest we would go down the trap door I was interrupted by Professor McGonagall, who was carrying a large pile of books. She asked what the three of us were doing inside. Hermione told her we needed to see headmaster Dumbledore, only to find out that he left ten minutes ago to London.

 

Draco turned ash white then and said that we really needed to see him, that it was important. And then we told her that someone was going to try to steal the Sorcerer’s Stone. Professor McGonagall was shocked that we knew about it, but she told us that the stone was too well protected to get stolen and suggested we all go back outside and enjoy the sunshine.

 

But we didn’t leave straight away and I told Hermione and Draco that I thought that Snape would try to steal the stone tonight, that the letter from the Ministry of Magic was a fake to get Dumbledore out of the way. Hermione was asking what we could do when Snape turned up. He told us to go outside before we’d lose any more points for Slytherin, that it was bad enough we were in the last place for the house cup because of me. And then he said something that proved to us that he was going down the trapdoor that night. He said: ‘Be warned, Potter, any more nighttime wanderings and I will personally make sure you are expelled.’

 

We went back outside and I sat down on the stone steps. This was it; I had to go down the trapdoor myself to get the stone first. I’m sure I looked paler than Draco at that moment because he looked very worried. I told them I would go to try to get the stone myself and they both said I was crazy. I screamed at them then, saying I wasn’t planning on just waiting until Voldemort would come to kill me because I was never going over to the dark side. Draco whispered a ‘neither will I’ and that made me feel all warm inside. It was a big thing for him to make that statement, with his parents being followers of Voldemort. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to show him how much I appreciated him saying it out loud, that he would take my side if it would come to it.

 

I told them I would use the invisibility cloak. Draco just nodded and then turned his eyes away from me and Hermione, probably trying to hide that he was close to tears. Hermione surprised me by saying she would come with me and that she would start going over her notes so we would be prepared for all the protection charms.  We agreed on a time to meet at the trapdoor and then Hermione was off.

 

Draco and I sat on the stone steps for the rest of the afternoon in silence. And during dinner, Blaise gave us suspicious looks. We told him what I was going to do when we were back in our dormitory. None of us talked much, we were all thinking about what I was about to do. We moved to the common room when Nott, Crabbe and Goyle came in to go to bed. I had hidden the cloak and the flute Hagrid had given me for Christmas in my schoolbag. Slowly, the room emptied as people drifted off to bed. Nobody paid any attention to us since I was still the boy that made us lose the house cup.

 

When everyone was off to bed, including Blaise, Draco asked me not to go. He was afraid I would get caught again, or get hurt trying to get past the charms that are protecting the stone, or worse, that Voldemort and Snape would beat me to the stone and kill me. We argued a little, with me telling him that I had to go, that it was important that I stopped Snape from getting the stone. And Draco said he didn’t want to lose his friend. In the end, Draco stepped in front of the stone doorway and told me he wouldn’t let me go, that he would fight me if he had to. And then I used Petrificus Totalus on Draco, a full body-bind jinx Draco had shown me how to do for when Nott or Crabbe ever tried to do anything to me again. I told Draco I was really sorry, but that I had to go. He had tears in his eyes when I left and I was close to crying myself. Leaving Draco lying motionless on the floor didn’t feel good, it felt horrible. And I was hoping the rest of the night would go better.

 

It didn’t.

 

When I reached the staircase up to the third floor, Hermione was waiting there with Ron, looking around the corner at Peeves, who was bobbing halfway up the stairs, loosening the carpet so that people would trip. I couldn’t believe she brought Ron. How where we supposed to use the cloak with him here?

 

I turned back around the corner and took off the cloak and pushed it into my bag before I walked up to them. Hermione asked me if I brought the cloak so we could sneak around Peeves and Ron looked very excited about it. And then I realized that Hermione most have told Ron about the cloak. It was a secret and she told him. Are all my friends going to betray me? First Draco wanted to stop me and now Hermione had shared my secret with someone else. I was very angry at her at that moment, but there was nothing to do about it then, so I took out my cloak and we put it on. It is big enough to cover all three of us and we walked very slowly up the stairs.

 

Peeves knew someone was there, even though he couldn’t see us. I pretended to be the Bloody Baron and told Peeves to stay away from the third-floor corridor for the rest of the night. And that worked. Peeves said he was sorry for his joke and left, wishing our business well.  Ron thought my little lie was brilliant.

 

We reached the third-floor corridor door and it was already ajar. So Snape was already there and he had left a harp next to the trap door. I took out my flute and started to play. Fluffy’s eyes dropped closed. It didn’t take long before he was fast asleep. Ron warned me not to stop playing, while we crept toward the trapdoor. We had to step over Fluffy’s legs to reach it and Ron went first. He opened the trapdoor and told us he couldn’t see anything and that there was no way of climbing down. We had to drop down. I gave the flute to Hermione and then I climbed over Fluffy’s legs. I lowered myself through the hole and then I let go. I fell very far down but I landed on something soft. It felt like some sort of plant. I screamed at the others that it was okay to come down. Ron and Hermione jumped and landed next to me.

 

By then my eyes had gotten used to the dark and I could see what the plant was doing. It was twisting its snakelike tendrils around our legs. Only Hermione managed to jump up in time to get to safety. Ron and I tried to get the plant of us, but the more we pulled and struggled, the tighter and faster the plant wounded around us.

 

Luckily for us, Hermione knew it was Devil’s Snare and that it hated light. She wanted to light a fire but complained she had no wood. Ron than screamed at her, asking if she had gone mad and if she was a witch or not. After that Hermione made bluebell flames come from her wand and the plant loosened its grip so Ron and I could pull ourselves free.

 

We walked down a passageway until we reached a brilliantly lit chamber, full with small, jewel-bright birds, that turned out to be keys with wings. We had to catch the right key to open the lock on the heavy wooden door. Hermione tried to open the door with the Alohomora charm first, but that didn’t work. There were broomsticks and we all went up in the air with them. It didn’t take long before I spotted a large silver key that had a bent wing as if it had already been caught and stuffed roughly into the keyhole. I told the other we needed to get that one. With some pointers from me, we managed to close in on the key, so I could catch it.

 

The next room had a huge chessboard and we had to play our way to the other side. And at that moment my anger at Hermione for bringing Ron faded a little because Ron was a very good chess player. We had to take the place of some of the black pieces. I told Ron to tell us what to do. He made me take the place of a bishop and Hermione became a castle. Ron was a knight. He directed us over the board and he took a lot of white pieces. It was kind of scary because the white pieces were merciless and smashed the black piece to the floor leaving them limp and slumped along the wall. In the end, Ron had to let himself get taken so I could checkmate the king. Hermione protested, but Ron was sure it was the only way. So he moved and the queen struck Ron hard across the head with her stone arm, making him crash to the floor. Hermione screamed but stayed put. I moved three spaces to the left and then the white king took off his crown and threw it at my feet. We had won. All the chessmen parted and bowed and Hermione and I ran through the door and up the next passageway.

 

Hermione was really worried about Ron. I told her he would be fine, to calm her and to try to convince myself. Because what if he wasn’t? What if he would die because I was so stupid to go down the trapdoor?

 

The next room smelled disgusting because it housed a gigantic troll, one even bigger than the one we defeated last Halloween. It was already out cold and we were both glad we didn’t need to fight it.

 

When we stepped over the threshold into the next room a purple fire sprang up behind us and black flames shot up in the doorway leading onward. We were trapped. In the middle of the room was a table with seven differently shaped bottles. There was a riddle on a piece of parchment next to the bottles. Hermione figured it out. She said it wasn’t magical, but logical, like a puzzle. She figured out which bottle held the potion to get us through the black fire and which one would be able to take us back. The one for the black fire only had enough potion left for one person, so I made Hermione go back. That way she could take Ron on one of the broomsticks out of the trapdoor and past Fluffy. I told her to go to the owlery and send Hedwig to headmaster Dumbledore. Hermione dashed at me and threw her arms around me and then she took the potion and walked straight through the purple fire.

 

After she was gone I took the smallest bottle and turned to face the black flames. I drained the bottle and it felt like ice was flooding my body. I braced myself and stepped into the flames. I could see them licking my body, but I couldn’t feel them. For a moment I couldn’t see anything but the dark fire until I reached the next chamber. And there was already someone there, but it wasn’t professor Snape. It even wasn’t Voldemort. It was Professor Quirrell. Twitching, quivering, stuttering Professor Quirrell was the one trying to steal the stone.

 

In my shock of seeing professor Quirrell there, I said out loud that I thought that Snape was the one trying to steal the stone. And that made Quirrell laugh. It was a cold and sharp laugh, making me shudder. I said that Snape always showed up everywhere I went and that he fought with Professor Quirrell. Quirrell answered, saying Snape was very worried about me, always scared something would happen to me, with all the boys teasing me and beating me. He wanted to make sure I was safe. And that just sounded so wrong. Why would Snape want to keep me safe, he hates me.

 

Quirrell continued his little speech and said it had all been a waste of time from Snape because he was going to kill me that night. He snapped his fingers and ropes sprang out of thin air wrapping themselves tightly around me. 

 

When I was secured professor Quirrell turned back to a big mirror standing in the room. It was the Mirror of Erised, the one I had discovered during Christmas break. Quirrell was examining it and I tried to distract him from it by saying I had seen him and Professor Snape in the forest. Quirrell told me that professor Snape was onto him by that time and that he tried to frighten him. But that it hadn’t worked because Quirrell had Lord Voldemort on his side.

 

Professor Quirrell was staring at the mirror, saying he could see himself presenting the stone to his master. I had to keep him away from it, so I continued talking, saying that Snape always seemed to hate me so much. Quirrell said that he does. That Snape was at Hogwarts together with you, dad, and that you two loathed each other. But that Snape would never want me dead.

 

And then I told him I had heard him a few weeks ago, sobbing, and that I thought that Snape was threatening him. That made a spasm of fear flitter across Quirrell’s face. He said that he sometimes finds it hard to follow his master’s instructions. I stuttered my next question, asking if Voldemort was there in the classroom with him. The thought scared me.

 

Professor Quirrell said Voldemort was with him wherever he goes. He gave me a story of how he had met him while he was travelling the world. And that Voldemort had shown him that there was no good or evil, but only power and those too weak to seek it.

 

My mind was racing. At that moment there was nothing I wanted more than to find the Stone before Quirrel did, so I could get safely back to Draco. So if I would look in the mirror I would see myself finding it, now I just had to figure out how to look into the mirror without Quirrell realizing it.

 

And then the scariest thing of all happened. Quirrell was talking to himself, questioning the working of the mirror, even asking his master for help. But how was Voldemort supposed to help him, he wasn’t here. But a voice answered, and it seemed to come from Quirrell himself. The voice said to use me. Quirrell clapped his hand and the ropes that still bound me fell to the ground. Quirrell made me look into the mirror, and I was going to lie about what it would show me, I would never give the stone to Quirrell.

 

I could see myself in the mirror. I was pale and scared-looking at first. But only a moment later, my reflection was smiling at me. It put its hand into its pocket and pulled out a blood-red stone. Then he winked and put the stone back into the pocket. And at that moment I could feel something heavy drop into my real pocket. Somehow I had gotten the stone.

 

I made up a silly lie when Quirrell asked me what I had seen and he started staring into the mirror again himself. I tried to walk away, but the voice was back, screaming I lied. And then it said it wanted to speak to me. I was rooted to my spot while Quirrell reached up and unwrapped his turban and turned around. I couldn’t make a sound, I was so scared. There, on the back of Quirrell’s head was a face, the most terrible face I’ve ever seen. It was chalk white with glaring red eyes and slits for nostrils, like a snake. It whispered my name. I tried to take a step backwards, but my legs wouldn’t move. The face started talking, telling me how it had stayed alive and then told me to give him the stone that was inside my pocket.

 

At that moment I stumbled backwards. Voldemort told me not to be a fool, saying I should join him, so I won’t have to die like you. He said you both died begging for mercy, but I know he was lying. He said he valued my bravery. And that you died trying to protect me. And that I should give him the stone unless I wanted you to have died in vain, mom. But I told him I would never. If you two could stand up to him, then so could I.

 

I sprang toward the flame door, but Quirrell was quicker than me and he grabbed my wrist. At that moment a needle-sharp pain seared across my scar. It felt like my head was split in two. I yelled and struggled to get free. And to my surprise, Quirrell let me go. When I looked at him I could see that he was in pain.

 

He lunged for me again and I fell to the ground. Quirrell his hands squeezed around my neck. My scar was hurting so much it was horrible. But Quirrell was in more pain and let go of my neck. His hands looked burned. Voldemort ordered him to kill me and he raised his hand. But somehow I grabbed Quirrell’s face with my hands. I don’t know why I did that, Draco says it was my instinct. But I’m glad I did because it saved me. Touching Quirrell made his skin burn, so I knew I just had to hold on to him until help would arrive. The only problem was that my head was hurting so much, it was blinding me. I could hear Quirrell’s terrible shrieks, Voldemort’s yells of ‘Kill him’ and I could hear Draco begging me not to go. I’m sure that last one was only in my head. It was the last thing I heard before I passed out.

 

When I woke up again I was in the hospital wing and headmaster Dumbledore was sitting next to my bed. I freaked out a little and told him that Quirrell had the stone. But he told me to relax and that everything was fine. I looked around then and saw that the table next to me was piled high with what looked like half the candy shop. The headmaster said they were tokens from my friends and admirers since the entire school seems to know what happened in the dungeons, even though it’s a complete secret.

 

I had been there for three days. The stone has been destroyed. It means Nicolas Flamel and his wife are going to die, but the headmaster assured me that for the well-organized mind death is but the next great adventure. He said he was just glad he was in time to save me. It seems I had come very close to dying that night. And then he said that Draco and Hermione would be very relieved to know I had come round because they had been worried.

 

Thinking of Draco made me think of our fear of Voldemort coming back. Now that the stone is gone he will have to find another way. And headmaster Dumbledore agreed with me that he is still out there somewhere. We had a little talk after that about you, mom. Because Voldemort had said that you had died trying to stop him from killing me and I asked the headmaster if he knew why Voldemort wanted me dead in the first place. Headmaster Dumbledore said he couldn’t tell me why, not now at least. He will tell me when I’m older and ready. I don’t know what that means, but it wouldn’t have helped to argue. The headmaster did tell me why Quirrell couldn’t touch me. It’s because you died to save me, mom.  Your love for me also left a mark on me, an invisible protection in my skin. It had been agony for professor Quirrell to touch a person marked by something so good.

 

I also found out it had been the headmaster that had sent me the invisibility cloak. He said you used it mainly for sneaking off to the kitchens to steal food, dad. I wish I knew the way to the kitchen. I’m sure Ron and Neville will be delighted to get snacks more often. Oh, and it seems that professor Snape hates me because you saved his life once. The headmaster didn’t elaborate, but I wish I will one day find out what it is you saved him from.

 

Later that day, Draco and Hermione were allowed to see me for a couple of minutes. Hermione had told Draco everything she knew about what had happened and they wanted me to fill in the rest. I told him everything, about Quirrell, the mirror, the stone and Voldemort. Hermione screamed out loud when I told them Voldemort had been hiding underneath Quirrell’s turban. Draco just grabbed my hand and held it tightly. And that just made me smile. I kind of like it when he holds my hand. It makes me feel safe.

 

Oh, Ron is fine by the way. Hermione was able to bring him around and bring him to the hospital wing that night. They ran into the headmaster in the entrance hall and said that he had already known that I was down the trap door. That upset Draco. He said that it was terribly irresponsible from the idiot to let me go down there, I could have been killed. But I think the headmaster is a funny man, and that he wanted to give me a chance to face Voldemort. I’m sure by now that he even made sure I found out how the mirror worked so I would be prepared. That didn’t change Draco’s mind about the headmaster, he still thinks the man is off his rocker.

 

Draco gave me my notebook after that, saying he was sure I would like to tell my parents about everything that had happened. I thanked him and wanted to say he was right, but Madam Pomfrey bustled over and told Draco and Hermione to go, that they had been in for nearly fifteen minutes and that I needed my rest. When they were leaving Draco said he hoped I could join him for the end-of-year feast tomorrow.

 

And now I’m writing to you. I don’t think I’ve ever written a letter this long, but I just wanted you to know everything.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	14. Wednesday 8 July 1992

Wednesday 8 July 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I’m confused. Something happened on the train back to London and I don’t know what it means. I wish Hedwig wasn’t locked in her cage so I could send Hermione a letter and ask her what she thinks. Because I think it means he likes me like really likes me. As in he wants to be my boyfriend likes me. And I don’t know if that is what I want. I like hanging out with him, he makes me feel safe. But does that mean I like him too? I just don’t know. And what if I’m wrong? What if it just means we are good friends? I can do that. I think. But it’s different with him than with Hermione. I want to be close to him whenever I can. And I don’t miss Hermione as much as I miss him. Mom, does that mean I like him more than just friends? I just don’t know. And I don’t know what to do. I wish you were here to help me figure this all out. I miss you both so much.

 

I’m crying now. I haven’t cried in a long time. But being here, all alone at Privet Drive, not having my friends nearby to talk to, it makes me sad.

 

Oh, I also made Hagrid cry. He came to visit me while I was still in the hospital wing after everything that had happened with Professor Quirrell and Voldemort. He thought it was all his fault because he had told the evil git (his words) how to get past Fluffy. He felt horrible that I could have died, and only because he wanted that dragon egg. He promised to never drink again. I don’t think he will hold up that promise, because he likes to drink once in a while. But at that moment I was shocked to see Hagrid like that. He was shaking and great tears were leaking down into his beard. I comforted him, telling him that Voldemort had found out one way or another and I offered him one of the many chocolate frogs I had gotten.

 

And then he gave me the best present I’ve ever gotten. It is a handsome, leather-covered book and it’s filled with wizard photographs of you, mom and dad. Hagrid had sent owls to all your old school friends asking for photos because he knew I hadn’t any. I couldn’t speak when he gave it to me. It really is the best present ever. So, I just hugged Hagrid in thanks.

 

Later that day I was allowed to go to the end-of-year feast. Madam Pomfrey had held me up with her fussing, so the great hall was already full when I got there. It was decorated in the Gryffindor colours of gold and scarlet and a huge banner showing the Gryffindor lion covered the wall behind the High Table. For the first time in seven years, Slytherin hadn’t won the house cup and people still blamed me for it. I could see it on my housemates’ faces when I walked in, so I silently slipped into a seat next to Draco. He had saved me a place on his right side, and as soon as I sat down he grabbed my left hand with his right, so we would both still have or dominant hand free to eat. He smiled at me and I just had to smile back. I was still alive, and even after performing the body-bind curse on Draco, he was still my friend.

 

In the end, Dumbledore gave out some extra points before the house cup was awarded to Gryffindor. We went up from the fourth place to the second. Dumbledore gave 50 points to Ron for the best-played game of chess Hogwarts has seen in many years and 50 points to Hermione for the use of cool logic in the face of fire, making Gryffindor’s lead even greater. And then he rewarded me 100 points for pure nerve and outstanding courage. Those points made us go to second place, but Gryffindor was still a 110 point in the lead. But seconds was always better than last, at least that is what Blaise said, but most Slytherins were still upset about losing.

 

Oh, and then Dumbledore gave away even more points. And I think they were the most deserved points. He said that there are all kinds of courage. That it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. And therefore he awarded 25 points to Draco. It still wasn’t enough to win, but Draco was so happy to get points for bravery that I didn’t care at all that we didn’t win the house cup.

 

After that, we enjoyed the feast. I think it was the best evening of my life. It was better than Christmas and better than knocking out mountain trolls. I will never forget that night and the feeling of Draco’s hand in mine. And when we were back in our dormitory I showed him the book Hagrid had gotten me. We looked at all the pictures together, trying to figure out who the other people in the pictures are.

 

The next day we got our exam results. I passed them with good marks, even potions. I told Draco that was all thanks to him. He was less happy with his result, even though they were better than mine. Hermione had beaten him on every subject, except for potions. Ron and Blaise had also passed all their exams. And Neville his outstanding Herbology mark made up for his dreadful Potions one, so he was allowed back for second year as well.

 

Before we knew it the time to go back home had come. I packed my trunk thinking Hogwarts had become more my home than Privet Drive. And I was right. This place doesn’t feel like home anymore. Draco said he would write to me as often as possible. I didn’t think I would be able to write back to him, because I was sure Uncle Vernon would lock up Hedwig as soon as I would come home, just like he had done before I went to school last September. Draco had a solution for that. He said I should write the letter, and then, when his owl would deliver his letter, I could attach my letter to his owl. And now I’m scared his letter will arrive and I won’t have anything to send back to him, because I don’t know   Well, I’ll get to that in a bit.

 

Hermione, Ron, Neville, Blaise, Draco and I all shared a compartment in the Hogwarts Express. We talked and laughed and eat so much candy. It was a lot of fun. Draco said he would ask his parents if we could have a birthday party for me at his house this summer and promised to owl all of us as soon as he had tricked them into saying yes. Blaise was off to Spain for the summer with his mother; Ron would stay home and enjoy the countryside with his brothers; Neville was going home to his gran and Hermione said she was going to help her parents in their dentist practice. She had to explain to the others what a dentist is. I was glad the conversation turned to muggle health care after that, so I didn’t have to tell them that I was going to spend my summer feeling miserable at my aunt and uncle’s place.

 

And then we pulled into platform nine and three-quarters at King’s Cross Station. All our friends got off the train until it was just me and Draco left. He said he was going to miss me and then he kissed me on my cheek, just before he walked out of the compartment. I just sat there for a while. My hand went to my left cheek where Draco had just kissed it. What did it mean? It made my stomach flutter and my heart pound. Is that what it feels like when you love someone? I should have asked Hermione how she knows that she loves Ron back at school.

 

When I left the platform Uncle Vernon, who is still purple-faced with that ugly moustache of his, was waiting for me, with a terrified-looking aunt Petunia and Dudley standing behind him. They hurried me out of the station and we drove back home. As soon as we got home, uncle Vernon locked all my schoolbooks, my wand, robes, cauldron and all other school supplies in the cupboard under the stairs. I have no idea how I’m going to make my homework this way.

 

Uncle Vernon also put a padlock on Hedwig’s cage, so she can’t fly around. She’s bored like hell. Just like me. But she is lucky; she’s not having an emotional crisis because her best friend kissed her on the cheek. And she’s not the one not capable of sending a letter to her other best friend to ask her what it means. No, that’s just me. And I’m scared of the owl that will arrive with Draco’s letter, will he say anything about it in a letter. Will he explain why he did it? And what am I supposed to write to him now? Does he expect me to say anything about it? I’ve been trying to write to him, but I just don’t know what to say. I can’t put in a letter that I’m confused, that I don’t know what it all means. AARRGHH, it’s driving me insane.

 

I know I like it when he holds my hand. And I know that kiss made my heart pound in my throat. And I miss him really bad. I want to talk to him, see him. I want to stroke my hand through his blond hairs when they fall in front of his face. I even dream about him. Does this all mean that I like him? And that I’m a poof? Because I’ve been kind of thinking about what it would be like if he would really kiss me, on the lips, not just on my cheek. And I think I would like it. I think I really do like him. I really like him, as in I want him to be my boyfriend like him.

 

Mom, dad, I like Draco Malfoy and I want him to be my boyfriend.

 

What do I do now? Should I tell him in a letter, or wait till I see him again? Oh, and I hope it’s okay that I like a boy. I think you two would be okay with it, but I can’t really know. I’m sure uncle Vernon and aunt Petunia will be horrified by the idea of me being a poof.

 

I think I’ll wait till I see him again in person to tell him. I just hope he feels the same.

 

I love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	15. Saturday 1 Augustus 1992

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry keeps writing letters to his parents in his second year about his life as a Slytherin student. He misses them more each day when things just keep going south.  
>  Draco is acting weird since the first day off school. Harry doesn't understand. It's like last year didn't happen at all.  
>  And what are the terrible things that will happen at Hogwarts this year according to Dobby? And how will they affect Harry's life? 

Saturday 1 Augustus 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I miss Hogwarts. It’s like I have a constant stomach-ache, that’s how much I miss it. I miss the castle, the secret passageways and ghosts, the classes, the mail arriving by owl. Hedwig is locked up in her cage and she keeps waking uncle Vernon in the early morning because she’s bored and makes loud hooting noises. We have an argument about it almost every morning. And yesterday on my birthday I accidentally said ‘you’ve forgotten the magic word’ when Dudley told me to pass the frying pan and the room exploded. Dudley fell off his chair, aunt Petunia screamed and uncle Vernon jumped to his feet and roared at me, telling me the M word was forbidden and that I shouldn’t threaten Dudley. But all I meant was please. I just wanted Dudley to say please.

 

I also miss the banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in the dungeon, visiting Hagrid in his cabin next to the forbidden forest, Quidditch, and most of all I miss my friends. I haven’t had any letters, or birthday cards or presents. I feel really lonely. It seems that Draco and Hermione don’t miss me at all. Neither of them has written to me all summer, even though Draco had promised me to write as often as possible. And he said he would try to convince his parents that I could have my birthday party at his house. Well, that didn’t happen since that was yesterday. I just can’t believe that they have forgotten my birthday.

 

And on top of all that, the Dursleys had completely forgotten my birthday too. For one moment at breakfast, I had hoped they remembered when uncle Vernon cleared his throat and said that it was a very important day. But he was just talking about his dinner party with a rich builder and his wife. They had a schedule for everything, and my only role was to stay in my bedroom, without making a noise and pretending I’m not here. O, how I wish I wasn’t here, but at Draco’s or even at Hermione’s house. Then maybe I wouldn’t have just had the worst birthday ever.

 

It all started in the afternoon when I saw two enormous green eyes between the leaves of the hedge. I jumped to my feet, but the eyes blinked and vanished because Dudley walked towards me. He taunted me; he made fun of the fact that I hadn’t gotten any birthday cards and questioned if I had any friends at my school. I tried to play it cool, to not let Dudley know how much it hurt me that none of my friends had remembered my birthday. Especially Draco, I thought there was something between us, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like me as more than just friend. I don’t know, I only know it hurts.

 

Dudley also asked me why I was staring at the hedge, and I made up a lie, saying I was thinking of the best spell to set it on fire. Dudley stumbled backwards at once and started stuttering that his dad will send me away and that I have nowhere else to go because I don’t have any friends. And that just made me angry, so I started saying nonsense words pretending to do magic. Dudley ran back inside to his mom and she made me do work around the house all day. I wasn’t to have anything to eat until it was finished.

 

So I ended up cleaning the windows, mowing the lawn, trimming the flowerbeds, pruning and watering the roses and repainting the garden bench on my birthday. And when I was finished Aunt Petunia gave me two slices of bread and a lump of cheese for dinner, while the roast pork was sizzling in the oven for their dinner party.

 

When I had finished I was sent upstairs, where I had to pretend that I wasn’t here. Only there was one little problem. When I walked into my room something was sitting on my bed. It was a little creature, with large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls. It were the same eyes I had seen in the hedge earlier that day. As soon as the creature saw me he slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its nose touched the carpet. He said it was an honour to meet me. He told me his name was Dobby and that he was a house-elf. And everything went downhill from there.

 

Dobby had come to tell me something, but it was difficult, according to him. So I asked him to sit down, and that just made Dobby wail. I tried to make him quiet down and managed to get him on the bed, telling him that he couldn’t have met many decent wizards if they had never asked him to sit down before. Only that made him jump up again and he started to bang his head on the window, shouting bad Dobby. That made Hedwig wake up and she also started making loud noises.

 

It seems that Dobby is bound to serve one family and he had to punish himself because he almost spoke ill of them. He will also punish himself when he gets back home because his family doesn’t know that he came to see me. He can’t escape them, he needs to be set free. So I asked him if I could help him and that just made him wail again. He said he had heard of my greatness, but not of my goodness. I told him I wasn’t great, that I’m not even top of my class, that Draco and Hermione are fighting over that position. It was painful thinking of them, so I stopped that line of the conversation.

 

Dobby went on to say he knew I triumphed over the Dark Lord twice, the last time only a few weeks ago. And when I confirmed, he said I was valiant and bold, but that Dobby has come to protect me, to warm me that I must not go back to Hogwarts. Well, that isn’t an option. So I told Dobby that I have to go back. I don’t belong here in the muggle world, I belong in the wizarding world, at Hogwarts. The only thing that kept me going for the last weeks is the knowledge that I’ll be going back there on the first of September.

 

Of course, Dobby didn’t agree with this. He was certain I would be in mortal danger if I would go back. Because there is a plot to make the most terrible things happen at Hogwarts this year. Dobby said he had known it for months and that I was too important to put myself in peril. I still don’t know what terrible things or who are plotting them, because Dobby wouldn’t tell me. He just started to bang his head against the wall. I did learn it wasn’t Voldemort who was planning it. But when Dobby tried to tell me more he just started banging my desk lamp against his head and making a lot of noise.

 

It was then that uncle Vernon came upstairs and I hit Dobby in the closet. Uncle Vernon was very upset and told me to keep quiet, or else I would wish I was never born. And he is right, I kind of wish that now. After uncle Vernon had left I told Dobby I had to go back because it is horrible here and that I think I’ve got friends at Hogwarts. And then I found out that Dobby had been stopping their letters from reaching me. He had them with him and I could see letters with Hermione’s handwriting, with Hagrid’s and Ron’s untidy scrawl. I didn’t see any letters from Draco.

 

I asked Dobby if there were any letters from Draco, but he wouldn’t tell me. He said I could have my letters if I promised not to go back to Hogwarts. But I told him no and that he should give me my letters. And then everything went wrong.

 

Before I could reach Dobby he had darted out of my room and down the stairs. Dobby was sitting on top of a cupboard and Aunt Petunia’s pudding was floating up near the ceiling. I begged Dobby to put it back, but he wouldn’t unless I would promise not to go back to school. I told him I couldn’t and then he dropped the pudding on the floor and vanished.

 

I had to clean the kitchen and uncle Vernon promised to flay me when the Masons had left and I had hoped it wouldn’t get any worse than this, but it did. Only an owl came to deliver a letter from the improper use of magic office of the ministry of magic. It turned out that Mrs Mason is mortally afraid of birds and the Masons left, making uncle Vernon lose the deal he wanted to make with Mr Mason. Uncle Vernon then locked me in my room with a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. He laughed about that I was never going back to Hogwarts, and that I would get expelled if I would try to magic myself out of my room.

 

And Uncle Vernon has kept true to his word. I’m locked in my room. A man has fit bars on my window and uncle Vernon made a cat-flap in the bedroom door, where they pass through small amounts of food. I only get let out to use the bathroom in the morning and evening. Otherwise, I’m to stay here, in my room, by myself, all alone, with no way of escape.

 

I don’t know what to do now. I have no way to contact anyone who could help me. And I still don’t have my letters. No kind words of Hermione telling me summer will be over before I know it. No funny stories from Ron about his crazy family. No words from Draco to ease my mind. And even if I had the letters, I’m sure there weren’t any letters from Draco between them. I would have recognized his handwriting. And that is one of the things that keep me up at night. Why didn’t he write to me? I thought that the kiss he gave on my cheek when we arrived at King Cross mend something. And I had hoped that maybe we could become boyfriends. Why would he kiss me and then change his mind?

 

The other thing keeping me awake is Voldemort. I still have nightmares about him, about his livid face, his wide, mad eyes. I wake up drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort is now and if he found another way to come back. And would he come after me again if he has?

 

I hate my life right now. What is it worth being alive when I can’t go back to Hogwarts? When I can never find out why Draco didn’t write to me. When I will never see my friends again. Maybe it would have been better if I had died when Voldemort killed both of you, or when I met him again only two months ago. Then I wouldn’t be alone and locked up now, but with both of you. That sounds so much better than this.

 

I love you and miss you so much right now.

 

I wish I was with you both.

 

Your Harry James Potter.


	16. Tuesday 18 Augustus 1992

Tuesday 18 Augustus 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Things are a little better than they were the last time I wrote to you. After I had been locked up for three days I woke up from a horrible dream to find Ron Weasley outside my window. I was so happy to see his freckled-face, his red hair and long nose. I hurried to the window and opened it so we could talk. My mouth fell open when I saw that he was hanging out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked in mid-air. Ron’s twin brothers Fred and George were grinning at me from the front seats.

 

Ron wanted to know what had been going on, that Hermione had written to him that she hadn’t heard from me or Draco all summer, even though she had sent both of us letters. Ron said she was very worried and afraid something bad had happened to us. And then Ron’s dad had come home with the news that an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles was sent to me. That’s when he also got worried and convinced his brothers to come and save me.

 

They pulled the bars from my window with their flying car and then George and Fred came into my room to pick the lock so they could get my school stuff from the cupboard downstairs, while I collected my stuff in my room. We almost made it out without Uncle Vernon waking up, but I had forgotten Hedwig and she let out a loud screech to remind me of her. That woke up uncle Vernon and he came into my room when I was passing Hedwig to Ron inside the car. I climbed the chest of drawers and tried to get into the car, but Uncle Vernon had grabbed me by the ankle. Ron, Fred and George took hold of my arms and pulled as hard as they could, pulling me out of Uncle Vernon’s grip. When I was in the car, they stepped on the gas and we flew to the Weasley’s home.

 

We arrived at their house when the sun was coming up on the horizon.  It looks like it had once been a large stone pigpen, but it has extra rooms added here and there. It is several stories high and so crooked it looks like it’s held up by magic. It has five chimneys and a lopsided sign is stuck in the ground near the entrance reading the Burrow. I think it’s wonderful. I’ve been staying here for the last couple of weeks, sleeping in Ron’s room. Almost everything in his room is orange, like his bedspread, the walls and even the ceiling. And there are posters everywhere of the Chudley Cannons Quidditch team. Oh, and a ghoul lives in the attic and you can hear him banging on the pipes and groaning at night.

 

Their mom was really upset with the twins and Ron when we got there, screaming she had been worried when their beds had been empty and the car was gone. She kept on shouting until her voice was hoarse. And then she turned on me. I was afraid she would start yelling at me but she just said she was pleased to see me and offered me breakfast.

 

The house is amazing. There is a clock in the kitchen that doesn’t show the time, but has words written on it like ‘time to make tea’ and ‘You’re late’. And there are Gnomes in the garden that I helped remove on my first day here. Also, the mirrors talk to you. And everyone thinks it’s normal that you can hear small explosions coming from Fred and George room all the time.

 

Ron’s brothers Fred and George are a lot of fun, and his father is also great. He is fascinated with muggle stuff and asked me what the purpose of a rubber duck is. Percy is still stuck up and complained about the fact that they were harbouring a Slytherin at their house. His mother told him to shut his mouth and be more polite to their houseguest, meaning me. Everyone else is very nice to me and it seems they all really like me.

 

Ron also has a younger sister, named Ginny. She seems to have a crush on me. Every time she sees me she turns red turns around and walks out of the room. Or she knocks things over whenever I enter a room. It’s kind of cute. Ron said she had been talking about me all summer. Fred is surprised she hasn’t asked for my autograph jet.

 

The first day there I helped Ron, Fred and George de-gnome the garden. It was really fun. We had to pick up the gnomes and spin them around in the air before you fly them over the hedge. Fred and George made it into a game to see who could fly them the farthest away. Gnomes look really funny by the way. They are small and leathery looking and have a head that looks like a potato.

 

It is really nice being here, and I’ve been writing with Hermione for the last two weeks, but there is one thing that is still upsetting me. I’ve written a letter to Draco, telling him I miss him and asking if he is okay, but I haven’t heard back from him. Ron doesn’t really get why that upsets me so much. What else had I expected from a stuck up Slytherin? I told Ron that I was also a Slytherin, but he said that I was different and that I was also half Gryffindor since I spend most of my time hanging out with Gryffindors.

 

I wrote to Hermione about the kiss he gave me on the train and that I really like him. She was really nice about it, saying she had kind of guest when I started hanging out with him more and more last year, preferring his company over hers. She also said I shouldn’t worry about him not writing to me, that maybe he is away with his family overseas or something and hasn’t gotten my letter. But I know she is also worried. It is not like Draco to not hold true to his word. When he promises something you can count on him to do it.

 

I haven’t told Ron or his brothers that I’m bent. They still joke about the fact that Ginny likes me so much and that she’s acting all shy around me since she normally very chatty. I feel kind of bad about not correcting them when they joke I could marry into their family one-day thanks to Ginny. And that it is not their sister that gives me butterflies, but that thinking of Draco makes me feel that way. I don’t know if they will understand or if they would start treating me differently if they know. And I like that they are all so nice to me right now.

 

Tomorrow we are going to Diagon Alley. Our school letters arrived today. I was a bit surprised that my letter had arrived here at the Burrow, but Mr Weasley said that it seemed that Dumbledore already knew I was here and that the man doesn’t miss a trick. I have to catch the train at King Cross on the first of September and I will need a lot of new school books, most of them written by Gilderoy Lockhart. Fred thinks we’ll have a witch as new Defence of the Dark Arts teacher because of this.

 

Hermione is also going to be in Diagon Alley tomorrow and I’m really looking forward to seeing her again. I’ve missed her. And I hope we will run into Draco, so I can ask him what is going on.

 

This afternoon I went with Ron, Fred and George up the hill to a small paddock and we went flying. Ron and I had to take turns on his broom. I told Ron I’m planning on buying my own broom tomorrow and we talked about the latest models. Ron dreamed of having a better broom, but the Weasleys don’t have a lot of money and they would already struggle with just getting the normal school supplies. I feel a bit bad about that, knowing I have plenty of money thanks to you two.

 

But it was amazing to fly again and Fred and George forbade me to try out for the Slytherin Quidditch team after I caught all the apples they threw at me with ease. They think I would be an amazing seeker with my reflexes and all. It reminded them of their brother Charlie, who was a seeker during his Hogwarts days. And it would be unfair to the other teams if I would give Slytherin the advantage of a talented seeker. I wish I could talk to Draco about this; he was talking about trying out for the Quidditch team this year, as a Chaser and I wonder what he would think if I joined as well.

 

I didn’t know you could miss someone as much as I miss Draco. Like this being in love is horrible. Please promise me it will get better once I see him again when we go back to school. I do really hope so. I still want him to be my boyfriend, even though I haven’t heard from him all summer. Is that stupid of me? He just makes me feel all fussy and warm inside when I think of him.

 

But I should go to sleep since we are going to Diagon Alley early tomorrow.

 

I love you both,

 

Harry James Potter


	17. Wednesday 19 Augustus 1992

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, this coming month the updates will be a bit more than usual because I'm using this story as one of the main projects for NaNo. But this also means that the editing will be limited on the coming updates. I'll go over them again in December and fix any grammar and spelling mistakes.  
>  Thanks for all the Kudos and comments! I just saw that I have a hundred kudos on this story already and I just love it, so thanks everyone for reading, leaving kudos and commenting. 

Wednesday 19 Augustus 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

He ignored me, just completely ignored me. Turned around and walked out of the shop without saying a word. It had been a nice and fun day until then. After that I just wanted to go somewhere I could be alone and cry. He must hate me if he acts like this, right? He wouldn’t ignore me if he really cared about me, would he? Mom, why does he not want to talk to me anymore? I thought we were friends. Even more than friends. I just don’t understand. Hermione was really nice, we went for ice-cream, just the two of us after we finally escaped Flourish and Blotts. She hugged me and said we would find out what is going on on the train to Hogwarts. She is convinced there is something else going on. According to her, Draco looked sad when he saw us. And I have to agree with her. Because when I saw him at Borgin and Burkes he wasn’t really himself, not like I know him. He didn’t just say what was on his mind or acted like he was important. He looked down at the floor a lot and tried to avoid his father’s gaze.

 

I should probably tell you how I ended up there. Well, this morning Mrs Weasley woke us up very early to go to Diagon Alley. We had to use Floo powder, but I had never done that before. Mrs Weasley was a bit worried about that, but Fred said I would be alright. Well, Mrs Weasley was right to worry, because it didn’t go as smoothly as it is supposed to be. But it is amazing that we can just travel somewhere by throwing some powder into the heart, stepping into it and shouting where you want to go. And that is where it went wrong for me. I didn’t say my destination clearly. But it was difficult, as soon as I stepped into the flames I swallowed a lot of hot ash and coughed my destination. And then I was off, spinning very fast through the green flames. It made me feel sick, so I closed my eyes and tucked in my elbows as Ron had suggested. My bacon sandwiches were churning inside me and I wished it would stop. And it did, I fell face forward onto cold stone. The bridge of my glasses snapped so I had to hold them up to my eyes to see where I was.

 

It was a large, dimly lit wizard’s shop where I had ended up. But not one with supplies for Hogwarts. In a glass case nearby stood a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards and a staring glass eye. There were evil-looking masks on all the walls, some bones on a counter and rusty spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. And I was sure that the dark narrow street outside was not Diagon Alley. I was sure if I got caught here that I would be in big trouble. So when the bell at the door clanged, because someone was coming into the shop I hid inside a large black cabinet, leaving the door on a small crack to peer through.

 

My heart did some somersaults when I saw who had stepped into the shop. My dreams had done his sharp pointed features no justice. His hair was even lighter than I could remember and was styled sleekly to the back. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person that beautiful and couldn’t help but smile. I wanted to step out of the cabinet to greet him when I saw that he was not alone. A man with the same pale, pointed face and identical grey eyes followed Draco into the shop. I think it was his father. He snapped at Draco to touch nothing and Draco turned away from him. I don’t think Draco’s father would be kind to me if I would show myself so I stayed hidden.

 

It is when Draco turned around that I saw his eyes. Still beautiful, but puffy and staring down at the floor. He didn’t seem interested in any of the items in the shop. His voice was monotone when he told his father he wouldn’t. The man told Draco to man up and stop acting like a spoiled child, that he should be happy that he would get a new broom today, so he could join the house team. When Draco answered his father his voice broke and I couldn’t believe what he was saying. He said he didn’t want to be on the house team, that he would prefer to concentrate on his studies. And that just doesn’t make any sense. He was so excited last year about the fact that he was allowed to try out for the team this coming year.

 

Mr Malfoy didn’t get the change to respond to Draco because a stooping man had appeared behind the counter and he focused his attention on him. I couldn’t look away from Draco, wondering why he acted so different from what I’m used to. I know he was worried about not coming first in our class, but surely his father would not buy him a new broom if he was still upset about that, would he?

 

Draco’s father was selling some of his things, saying that it would embarrass him if the Ministry were to call at their place for raids. Mr Borgin didn’t think the Ministry would call on Mr Malfoy. But the man said that Mr Weasley was sure to include him. I don’t think Mr Malfoy and Mr Weasley like each other very much. Well, I’m sure they don’t. They started fighting in Flourish and Blotts, but I’ll get to that later.

 

By this time Draco was studying the withered hand on the cushion. Mr Borgin said it is a Hand of Glory, a best friend of thieves and plunderers. He also complimented Mr Malfoy on his son’s fine taste. Mr Malfoy answered that his son’s taste needed improving, just like his grades. Malfoy turned to the window and I think he almost started to cry there in the shop. He let out a small ‘I’m sorry, father’ and I felt sorry for him when his father told him it was a disgrace that a girl of no wizard family beat him in every exam.

 

After that, Mr Malfoy and Mr Borgin continued the sale of Mr Malfoy’s his items. I didn’t really pay attention to them. I just watched Draco stare out of the shop window, swallowing away tears. He looked so lost. I didn’t understand then, but now that I think about it, I think Mr Malfoy mend Draco’s feeling for me when he said that his son taste needed improving. Do you think this is why he ignored me when I saw him again in Flourish and Blotts? Is it because his father doesn’t approve of me? Am I not good enough for his son? I just wish he would talk or write to me so I would know, this guessing is just making me feel worse.

 

When Draco and his father had left and Mr Borgin had returned to the back room I slipped out of the cabinet and the shop. I had ended up in an alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. And people were staring at me. It was creepy, so I started off in hopefully the right direction. I just wanted to get out of the alley and find Draco, hopefully without his father, so I could talk to him.

 

I was very happy when Hagrid found me there in Knockturn Alley (a sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told me the name of the alley). Hagrid dragged me back to Diagon Alley and helped me find the Weasleys. He also asked me why I hadn’t written back to him and I explained him all about the Dursleys and Dobby the house elf that had stolen my letters. Hagrid started growling about those lousy muggles when Hermione found us. She ran up to us and threw her arms around my neck and hugged me, saying she was glad I was okay and that summer had been too long without her best friend around.

 

Not long after that, we were reunited with the Weasleys and we went into Gringotts to get money to buy school supplies. Fred and George wanted to know all about Knockturn Alley, saying their parents never let them go there. Mr Weasley fixed my glasses by the way with a simple spell. I should ask him about that tomorrow, I’m sure it will come in handy this coming school year. I told Hermione I had seen Draco and his father in Borgin and Burkes, but couldn’t continue because Mr Weasley asked if Lucius Malfoy bought anything. When I told him he was selling, Mr Weasley sported a familiar grim and was saying that he’d love to get Mr Malfoy for something. Mrs Weasley responded in a sharp tone that he should be careful, that the Malfoy family’s trouble. They almost started arguing inside the bank, but Mr Weasley noticed that Hermione’s parents are muggles and he got distracted because of that.

 

After we’ve all gotten our money we split up and agreed to meet again at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy our schoolbooks. I, Hermione and Ron strolled off toward the broom store. Here I bought the new Nimbus 2001. It’s black and silver with revolving stirrups. Because they pivot they should be more comfortable while slitting in different positions on the broom. The shop owner told me it’s the fastest broom in existence and already ordered by all the big Quidditch teams. Ron is very jealous about it and has already asked me if he can try it out tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll let him after I’ve taken it for a spin myself. I’m looking forward to flying on my own broom. It should be better than the brooms I’ve flown up until now.

 

When I had paid for my broom and ordered the shipment to the Weasleys house I bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams for us. Hermione told us all about what she had been up to this summer. She helped out her parents at the dentist practice and did all her homework already. Ron and I still have to start on them and I’m sure Mrs Weasley will make us do it any day now.

 

Ron has also been writing letters to Neville, who had a great summer with his grandmother. I asked Ron what had happened to Neville’s parents, but Ron didn’t know. Neville had been practising his flying and was now capable to stay on the broom without freaking out. I’m glad to hear that he is doing better and hope he will also improve on his other subjects this coming year.

 

The hour was over before we knew it and I was a bit disappointed I hadn’t spotted Draco again. But that all changed when we reached Flourish and Blotts. First Hermione went mental when she discovered that Gilderoy Lockhart was going to be there for a signing. Just like Mrs Weasley. We met up with her, the rest of the Weasley family and Hermione’s parents inside the shop. They were already in line to get his autograph.

 

When we got nearer to Mr Lockhart, a little wizard making pictures recognised me and Mr Lockhart seized my arm and pulled me to the front. It was really embarrassing how he shook my hand and told me to give a nice big smile. He was sure we would reach the front page together. When Mr Lockhart let go of my hand I tried to slip away back to the Weasleys, but he threw his arm around my shoulder and announced that he will be our teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts this year, giving me a free copy of his stupid autobiography and all his other works in the process. I gave them to Ginny, the Weasleys need the free copies more than I do. Ginny gave me a shy smile when I dumped the books in her cauldron.

 

It’s then that Theo Nott walked up to me and Ginny, saying nasty things about me like I must enjoy the attention because I’m bent. And then Ginny spoke for the first time in my presence. She told Nott to shut up. Nott laughed at her, saying she’s wasting her time trying to become my girlfriend, that it was not girls I was into. Ron and Hermione had made their way up to us by then, so they heard his statement. Ron told Nott to check his facts, while Hermione pulled on his arm trying to make him stop. I just wanted to slip out the shop unnoticed. This was so embarrassing. Why hadn’t I told Ron about my sexuality, then he wouldn’t have made a fool of himself today. He’s upset about it all and I’ve moved to Fred and George’s room for the night. Mrs Weasley said I shouldn’t worry about it, that Ron will figure out it doesn’t matter and that I’m still the same friend as yesterday when we were having fun in the paddock, just like his brother Charlie had still been the same after he told them all that he was bent. I hope she is right. I would hate to lose a good friend over this.

 

So when Ron went after Nott, Draco walked by and I called out his name and he turned around to look at me. His eyes were on me for a second and then they moved to look at Nott. It’s then that he just turned again and walked out of the shop without saying one word to me. I wanted to follow him but was stopped by Fred, who just shook his head to tell me I shouldn’t follow. Meanwhile, Mr Weasley had told Ron to stop it. Nott was laughing, Ginny was crying and Nott’s father and Mr Malfoy started a nasty conversation with Mr Weasley. Before I realised what was going on Mr Weasley had thrown himself at Mr Malfoy, Fred and George were cheering their dad on when a dozen heavy spell-books came thundering down on Mr Weasley’s and Mr Malfoy’s heads. 

 

I don’t know what happened next with the fight because Hermione had taken my arm and had pulled me out of the shop. She took me for some ice-cream and tried to cheer me up. When I was not close to tears anymore we went back to Flourish and Blotts where we found the Weasleys, Hagrid and Hermione’s parents standing outside. Mr Weasley and Mrs Weasley were having an argument and Hermione’s parents looked scared and were happy when they could take Hermione back home. She screamed she would write as soon as she was home. Ron wouldn’t look at me and Ginny was still crying. George was trying to calm her down. Fred gave me a fist bud on the shoulder and said it was okay, that their older brother Charlie was also bent and that it was nothing to be ashamed about. I just nodded and was glad that we were going back to the Borrow after all that.

 

Ginny is okay now, George told me she is just sad that I don’t fancy her, but that she will get over it. I hope she does, I never mend to hurt her. He and Fred also assured me that Ron will come around, probably very quickly because my new broom is scheduled to arrive tomorrow. I’m glad the twins don’t treat me any differently than before. They are asleep now, it’s already very late, but I just can’t sleep. I keep thinking about how Draco didn’t say one word to me. I want him to talk to me. I don’t want to have to share a dorm room with him this year and not be able to fall down on his bed to complain about Hermione her study schedules. Or not get his help with Potions, he’s been the only one who has been able to make that subject make sense for me. And I want to see him smile at me, I want him to hold my hand during breakfast and dinner. And I want to hear him complain about headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall and how they always seem to favour Gryffindor students. But it looks like I won’t have all that this year and now I don’t know if I want to go back to Hogwarts. Because it’s just going to hurt, seeing him without being able to hang out with him. I’m afraid it’s going to be worse than just missing him.

 

I’ll try to get some sleep now.

 

Love you both and miss you,

 

Harry James Potter


	18. Saturday 5 September 1992

__

Saturday 5 September 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

He won’t talk to me. I don’t know why, but he won’t talk to me. As if things aren’t already bad enough without him being a complete bastard. It would have been nice if he would be on my side right now, but I’m sure that’s not happening any time soon.

 

I should tell you all that has been going on since my trip to Diagon Alley. First off, Ron did get over the fact that I'm bent. He said he was sorry, he just felt like a fool for not noticing and trying to fix me up with his little sister. He told him it was okay and that I was also sorry for never telling him. After that my new broom got delivered and we spent the rest of the day taking turns flying it. Fred and George joined us after a while and it was a lot of fun. We almost flew every day after that. It were two nice last weeks of the holiday. But we were also looking forward to going on the train and hang out with Hermione, Neville and Blaise. And with Draco, if he would at least talk to me. That was a stupid dream of me. I don’t know why I thought everything would be better when we would get back to school and his dad wouldn’t be around to stop him.

 

But first I had to get on the train, and I can tell you that never happened. Don’t worry, I made it to Hogwarts thanks to Ron’s stupid plan, but I’m here and still getting my education. It all started with the chaos of having six children getting ready to leave for the entire school year. We got up extremely early and still managed to only arrive at King Cross minutes before the train was leaving. We hurried to the barrier between platforms nine and ten and the Weasleys started to go through. First Percy, then Mr Weasley, the twin, Mrs Weasley and Ginny. They went through without any problems, vanishing as you would expect.

 

Ron and I decided to go together because we only had one minute left before the train would leave. So we ran towards the barrier and crashed right into it. It wouldn’t let us through. We pretended that we had lost control of the trolley when a guard started yelling at us. We didn’t understand what was going on. Why had the gateway sealed itself off? I tried pushing my trolley through it while we watched the seconds tick away on the clock.

 

So we missed the train and Ron almost panicked because he thought his parents would now be trapped on platform 9 3/4. I calmed him down a little, saying they knew how to apparate, so they would be able to get out. And I just felt my heartbreak. What would Draco think when he would discover I wasn’t on the train? I still wouldn’t be able to find out why he never wrote to me this summer and why he ignored me in Diagon Alley. I didn’t care at that moment that I missed the train to school, I was sad because I won’t be able to see him now. I was so stupid feeling like that. It is better not to see him than to see him avoid me and hang out with Pansy and Daphne like they are his girlfriends now or something.

 

People were still watching us and I suggested we would wait by the car. And that is when Ron got his stupid idea. He wanted to fly to Hogwarts, with the Weasley’s car. I didn’t see how that was a good idea, but Ron won’t be talked out of it. So that is how we ended up high in the sky, following the Hogwarts express. The only problem was that the invisibility booster wasn’t working properly, so we kept reappearing. We tried to stay above the clouds as much as possible, only dipping down now and again to see where the train was heading.

 

And even though I first didn’t want to go, it was beautiful above the clouds. It was like being in a different world, with the sky a bright, endless blue under a blinding white sun. But after a couple of hours, it became less fun. It was warm and we had nothing to drink, and my glasses kept sliding down my sweaty nose.

 

It was dark by the time we reached Hogwarts and the car was acting up. The engine started making funny noises and when we could see the castle the car was shuddering and losing speed. And when we had passed the lake the engine died. We dropped down, gathering speed and heading straight for the solid castle wall. I thought I was going to die right there. I closed my eyes and wished I could get the change to tell Draco that I love him.

 

But we didn’t crash into the castle, Ron had swung the steering wheel and was whacking his wand against the dashboard and the windshield, shouting stop. Only that didn’t work. We crashed into a tree, and not just any tree, no a dangerous tree called the Whomping Willow. We landed on the ground and I was really happy I was still alive and that Ron wand looked like the only thing that was broken. But we weren’t save jet. As I said, the Whomping Willow is a dangerous tree. It started hitting the car with his big branches. For a moment we both thought we were done for, but luckily the engine restarted and Ron was able to back us up far enough to get out of the tree’s reach.

 

The car wasn’t that happy with us and kicked us out of the car as soon as it was safe and drove off into the forbidden forest. Hedwig’s cage flew through the air and burst open, making Hedwig rise out of it with an angry screech, before she sped off toward the castle without a backward look. She’s still angry with me, won’t let me give her treats at all. Hermione is making sure she’s okay, but I kind of miss my owl.

 

We grabbed our trunks and began to drag them up the grassy slope, toward the great oak front doors. When we were at the foot of the front steps we could see Professor Snape standing at the top. He asked us why we didn’t arrive on the school train. He looked troubled and I wondered if he had been worried about us. That maybe he does care about our wellbeing, even though I’m one of his least favourite students and I kind of thought that he was trying to steal the sorcerers stone last year.

 

Professor Snape made us come to his office and we missed the entire welcome feast. Ron looked around in amazement, never have been in Professor Snape’s office before. I wish it had been my first time there, but I had to go and see him a couple of times last year when I had gotten into trouble. It turned out we had been seen, by multiple muggles. When I learnt that, I knew we were in big trouble and for a moment I was afraid we would get expelled. Why hadn’t I fought harder with Ron to not take the car, but just to wait for his parents? I’m sure there would have been another way for us to get to Hogwarts. One that wouldn’t end me up in detention on the first day back at school.

 

Because that is what happened. We both have to serve a detention later this month. Ron even almost got expelled because he was talking back to Professor Snape when he told us we had done considerable damage to the very valuable Whomping Willow, but luckily for Ron, that decision could only be made by his own head of house Professor McGonagall and she didn’t think expelling Ron was necessary. She and Professor Snape made us explain why we had taken the car, so we told them about the barrier. They asked us why we hadn’t just sent an owl and I felt so stupid then. That had been a much more sensible solution. We also had to explain everything to headmaster Dumbledore and I hated how disappointed he sounded. He was going to write to our families, but I’m not concerned about that, the Dursleys would only be disappointed the Whomping Willow hadn’t squashed me to death.

 

After all, that Professor McGonagall took Ron up to Gryffindor tower and Professor Snape made sure I had something to eat before escorting me to the Slytherin common room, informing me of the new password and telling me to stay out of trouble from now on. Everyone was already off to bed and I silently walked down to the familiar dormitory where a big four-poster bed with green (not green Harry, they are emerald as Draco enlightened me last year) velvet drapes. My trunk was already there and I took out some pyjama’s and quickly got dressed for bed in the bathroom. Draco his drapes had already been closed and I didn’t think he was still awake. But Blaise was and he told me it was amazing how I arrived at Hogwarts and asked if he could tag along next time.

 

The next morning Draco was already up and out in the Great Hall having breakfast by the time I got out of bed. I dressed quickly and went to find him. He was sitting with Pansy and Daphne on either side of him like he was making sure I couldn’t sit down next to him. I walked up to him and greeted him, but he didn’t respond at all, didn’t even look at me. I begged him to please talk to me, but he wouldn’t. Nott was grinning on the other side of the table. He most think it’s really funny that Draco is ignoring me. When it was clear he wouldn’t speak to me I just walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Hermione to have my breakfast.

 

And I don’t know why Draco is doing this, but it hurts. I feel so sad all the time now. Did I do something wrong? Had he expected me to do something while still on the train home last July, or was I supposed to send him a letter straight away to tell him I also like him? Or was it all just a joke? A nice way of bullying silly Harry some more? Was he never really my friend, but just pretending?

 

Well, things just got worse after that. Ron got a howler during breakfast from his mother with her screaming how disappointed she was in Ron and she didn’t forget to include my name in there somewhere. But the worse was that Mr Weasley is facing an inquiry at work because of us. That just makes me feel bad, they had been so nice and supportive of me during the summer.

 

And then after lunch, at the start of our Herbology class, Professor Lockhart hold me back to have a word with me. He gave me a speech about how I shouldn’t let the thirst for fame go to my head or something. He thought I flew the car to school to get attention and publicity and that it was all his fault because he helped me make front page news with his book signing. I tried to correct him, but he wouldn’t listen.

 

After that I quickly slid into class, only to have Nott make some stupid comment on how I already needed extra help from the professors. And it didn’t stop there, Nott and Crabbe have been making nasty comments all week about how professor Lockhart favours me, that he likes me. They even asked when the wedding would be. And all the time Draco just stands there and acts like nothing is happening. At least Hermione, Ron, Neville and Blaise all talk back to them, telling them to shut their mouths. Even I did a couple of times. But I’m scared they are going to hurt me again, dad. Just like last year. Now that Draco is not looking out for me anymore I’ll be a target again. I’m sure of it. I don’t want to hide bruises all the time and look over my shoulder every time I walk somewhere alone, just to make sure they won’t hex me.

 

Classes are also hard. It seems like everything I learnt last year has somehow leaked out my head during the summer. We had to turn a beetle into a button during Transfiguration, but I just couldn’t. Ron is also struggling, but that is more because his wand snapped when we crashed the car than his inability to do magic.

 

Things got even worse during our last lesson on Monday: Defence Against the Dark Arts with Professor Lockhart. Hermione thinks he’s amazing and Ron is acting all jealousy. I just wished he wouldn’t single me out, so Nott wouldn’t have fuel for his new jokes about me dating Lockhart. And his lessons are an even bigger joke than those of Professor Quirrell. The first thing he made us do was take a test where all the questions were about him. Like what his favourite colour is and things like that.

 

And the first so-called dangerous creatures he showed us were Cornish pixies. There is nothing dangerous about them, they’re just annoying. And they proved that when professor Lockhart set them free. They seized Neville and hong him on an iron chandelier until the chandelier gave way and Neville almost fell on top of Professor Lockhart, who had tried to stop the pixies from making a mess with some spell that did absolutely nothing. And worst of all, Hermione, Ron, Neville and I had to go and round them all up after class had already ended. It’s clear that the professor has no clue of what he’s doing. I just wished Hermione would see that as well, she just thinks he’s amazing.

 

The next day Draco was still ignoring me. And a young Gryffindor first year had started stalking me. His name is Colin Creevey and he wanted to take a picture of me when Hermione and I were sitting outside during lunch. It’s hard to sit in the Great Hall and see Draco having a good time with Pansy and Daphne, all laughing and smiling at each other. But back to Colin, he wanted to have a photo of the both of us and even asked me to sign it. And of course, that is when Nott passed by and started making fun of the fact that I was handing out signed photos. He shouted about it and everyone started looking at us. Colin wanted to stand up for me and said Nott was just jealous, but that only made it worse. Nott asked what he should be jealous of. Of the fact that I had a foul scar right across my head, or of the fact that I was bent. And he said a signed photo of me would be useless now that I had started shacking Professor Lockhart.

 

And that is when Professor Lockhart showed up, asking who was giving out signed photos? And then posting with me for the photo that Colin wanted, promising we would both sign it. Of course, this just made Nott shout out that the happy couple was even taking pictures together now. I wanted to hex him right there, for even suggesting I would be with anyone other than Draco.

 

Now I just dodge out of sight whenever I see Professor Lockhart coming down a corridor.

 

I’m sitting in the Quidditch stands by the way. Today are the tryouts for the Slytherin team and Draco is one of the candidates. He saw me sitting here, I know he did, even though he pretends like I don’t exist. It’s nice to see him fly. He is a lot better than the other kids trying out and I think he can be sure that he will get a spot on the team. I hope he does, it was something he really wanted last year. I hope he will hang back afterwards and maybe talk to me. We’ll see.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	19. Tuesday 22 September 1992

Tuesday 22 September 1992

Dear mom and dad,

Draco did it. He’s in the house team. I knew he could do it. Is it stupid that I’m happy for him, even though he ignores me all the time? I feel stupid about it. I should hate him by now, shouldn’t I? Ron and Neville have made up their minds about him, saying he’s a lowlife. Ron said that his parents were right that there could never come anything good from the Malfoy family. Hermione is a little more tactful, not really saying she thinks he’s an idiot, but I know she thinks it. Ron thinks Draco is only on the team because his father had bought new brooms for the entire team. But I know better. Draco was one of the better players to try out for the opened up Chaser position. Only no-one believes me when I say that. Hermione just gives me sad looks whenever I do.

Ron and Hermione confronted Draco a couple of days ago. I think they are worried about me. It turned ugly very quickly. When I walked up to them fighting I heard Draco say: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood’. He looked so angry, it frightened me. And why would he say that to Hermione? Wasn’t she his friend? Wasn’t he all our friends. Well, you can understand that Ron also didn’t take it lightly to hear someone call his girlfriend a Mudblood. He pulled out his wand and yelled that Draco would pay for that. He pointed his wand furiously at Draco’s face and then a loud bang echoed around them. A jet of green light shot out of the wrong end of Ron’s wand and hit him in the stomach, sending him reeling backwards onto the grass. Hermione turned to him and was all concerned about him.

I felt like a bad friend at that moment, because I was happy that Draco didn’t get hurt. That Ron’s wand had backfired and that Draco was okay. Isn’t that just stupid? Why would I care more about that bastard that used me last year and now even insulted my best friend? Why do I care so much about him, mom? And what do I do to make it stop?

Ron started spitting out slugs by the way and Hermione and I took him to Hagrid’s hut. Draco started laughing when he saw what was happening to Ron and I just gave him a dirty look. Why was he acting like this?

Hagrid said Ron just had to wait for it to stop, with the slugs. It was nice to see Hagrid again. I hadn’t visited him since I was back at Hogwarts. Hagrid is doing good, he just gets annoyed about professor Lockhart. It’s weird seeing him criticise a Hogwarts professor. Hermione, of course, thought that Hagrid was being unfair, that headmaster Dumbledore wouldn’t have hired him if he wasn’t the best man for the job. But Hagrid said he was the only man for the job, that it was starting to get very difficult to find someone to teach the Dark Arts job because they think it’s jinxed.

After that Hagrid wanted to know who Ron had tried to jinx. And Hermione told him that Draco had called her a Mudblood. She didn’t seem to know what it ment, only that it was really insulting. So Hagrid explained it to her, that it’s a foul name for someone who’s muggle-born, and that only wizards that think they are pure-bloods use it. I’ve heard it before, it’s a common slang in the Slytherin common room. Mostly used for Gryffindors like Hermione. Draco hasn’t used it since I asked him to stop it, that I didn’t like it that he was insulting my best friend. And now he has started again. I’m really starting to think that Draco’s friendship last year was one big joke.

That evening I also had to do my detention. The one I had gotten for flying to school in Ron’s car. I had to help Professor Lockhart answer his fan mail. Professor Snape said that he had requested me particularly. Ron told me he had to go and polish the silver in the trophy room and I wished I could switch with him. Everything is better than to spend time with Professor Lockhart.

It was horrible. Professor Lockhart thought he was doing me a favour by letting me do my detention with him. I had to address the envelopes while professor Lockhart just went on about his fans, his fame and his books. Oh, he thinks he’s amazing because he’s won Witch Weekly Smile award for many years in a row. And I know he looks good, but he’s not that beautiful. He’s got nothing on Draco. But that doesn’t stop all the girl in school to gloss over him.

But that wasn’t the worst of the detention. I heard a voice. And not a nice voice. It was ice-cold and it was saying: come… come to me. … Let me rip you. Let me tear you. Let me kill you. It freaked me out. And the worst was that professor Lockhart didn’t hear anything. Am I going crazy, mom? I think I am. Why else would I hear a voice that chills the bone marrow that talks about killing people?

The next day Ron complained that Fitch had made him buff up the Quidditch Cup fourteen times. And then he had another slug attack all over a special Award for Services to the School. It took ages to take the slime off.

After breakfast I took Hermione apart and told her about the voice I heard during detention. She doesn’t know what it is and that I shouldn’t worry about it. That maybe it was just me being tired. That he hadn’t been sleeping well, and that it was probably nothing. And maybe she is right, but I don’t know. It sounded real. And I don’t want to go crazy. Life is already hard enough without voices in my head.

And yes, I haven’t been sleeping all that well. I keep having dreams of Draco walking away from me and then falling over the castle walls. I run to the edge and when I look over the bannister he’s gone. I don’t know what it means, or why I keep having this dream, but it wakes me up sweating all the time. After that, I never can get back to sleep. I just stare at Draco’s drapes, hoping he’s still sleeping behind them. And I want to open his drapes and crawl into bed with him. Just to hold him and make sure he’s really there. I know it’s stupid since it’s clear he doesn’t care about me.

I’m glad Blaise still talks to me, and when we have a class without the Gryffindors he sits next to him in class. He told me he asked Draco why he was acting like a stupid fool, only to get the same treatment as Ron and Hermione. Blaise said Draco screamed at him, saying he would never understand and that it was none of his business anyway. I told Blaise it is okay, that I still have my other friends, including him. And he promised me that he really liked hanging out with me. But he’s also hanging out a lot with this crazy Ravenclaw lady. He says she’s a lot of fun and that I should come to join them in the library one day. I promised him I will. So maybe life without Draco isn’t going to be so bad after all. I just need to start forgetting about him. I’m sure that one day I’ll find someone else to give my heart to. It can’t be that Draco will be the only person I will ever love, will it? Mom, did you ever love anyone else but dad? And what about you, dad?

I go and have some sleep now.

Love you both,

Harry James Potter.


	20. Sunday 1 November 1992

Sunday 1 November 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I had a cold the beginning of October, that was quickly resolved because of Madam Pomfrey’s Pepperup Potion. It works instantly, only I had smoke coming from my ears for several hours afterwards. Hermione said it looked funny. Ron said Ginny also took some and that it looked like her whole head was on fire because of her vivid red hair. The rest of the month was kind of boring. It rained a lot and I went to my classes, did homework with Hermione in the library and tried not to think of how close Draco and Pansy seem to be these days.

 

It’s only since last weekend that everything seems to go wrong. It started last Saturday when I went out to fly my new broom, in the hope it would help me take my mind of Draco. It didn’t. All I could think of was how badly I wanted to fly together with him. He’s so talented on a broom. I’ve been coming to look at most of his Quidditch training. He’s noticed me there. He always looks around the stands until he finds me when he comes on the field and then just tries not to look at me for the entire training. Pansy and Daphne are also always at the training, cheering Draco on. I wish I could cheer with them. Hermione says I should stop going, that it’s not healthy. I should just forget about him and move on. Like it’s that easy. I still have the nightmares, only the situations keep changing. Sometimes we are sitting in the Great Hall having dinner and I look away for a second and then Draco is gone. I then run out of the Great Hall, looking for him, but he has just vanished. Or he’s playing Quidditch and suddenly his broom would be empty. I hate them, the nightmares. What if they are a bad omen? Like my nightmares from last year, that warned me about the danger that was coming? What if Draco really is going to disappear? I don’t think I want to live in a world that doesn’t have Draco in it.

 

But like I said, I had been out flying my broom. It was raining and I was wet and dirty when I came back into the castle. I took the stairs down to the dungeons and ran into Nearly Headless Nick. He’s the Gryffindor ghost. He said I looked troubled and I responded that he looked troubled too. He told me he had wanted to join the Headless Hunt but was denied. It’s because his head is still attached to his body by an inch of skin and sinew. He also asked me what was bothering me and if he could help me. I was just in the process in asking him if he could mend a broken heart when Mrs Norris showed up, followed closely by Filth. I had to come with him because I had left a muddy puddle on the floor. In his office, he started to fill out a form with my name and crime. He was just about to write down my punishment when we were interrupted by a loud bang coming from the floor above. Filch ran out of the office screaming Peeves’ name, saying he would get him this time.

 

I didn’t really know what to do, should I wait or get out of there? But Filch would remember he was going to request for a detention for me when he would see the half-completed form, so I decided to stay and wait. I looked over the desk and found a letter from Kwikspell, a correspondence course in beginners’ magic. And I know I shouldn’t have, but I was curious, so I pulled out the sheaf of parchment inside and read some of it. When Filch returned I quickly place all the parchment back into the envelope and place it back on the desk. But it wasn’t back where I found it and Filch was afraid I had read it. I said I hadn’t. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t lie, but I didn’t want the change even more detentions, not if professor Lockhart would volunteer again to give them to me. Only Filch was so upset about it that he told me to leave and I didn’t get any detention at all.

 

On my way to the Slytherin dungeon, Nearly Headless Nick caught up with me and asked if it had worked. He had persuaded Peeves to crash a vanishing cabinet right over Filch’s office. I thanked Nick for his efforts and told him it had worked, that I got away without punishment. To thank him I wanted to help him with the Headless Hunt, but I didn’t know how. Nick said it was okay, and that there was something else I could do for him. I could come to his five-hundredths death-day on Halloween. He said I didn’t have to if I rather go to the school feast. Only a death-day party sounded much better than sitting as only Slytherin at the Gryffindor table during a feast because the people from my own house don’t like me or pretend I don’t exist. And there would be no way to escape Draco at the party, seeing him being all friendly and nice with Pansy, Daphne, Nott, Crabbe and Goyle. I hate seeing him hang out again with the people that almost killed me last year. So I said I would come. Nick said I was allowed to bring a friend if I wanted to, so I invited Hermione, Ron and Neville.

 

Ron and Neville said they wouldn’t come, too eager to join their other Gryffindor friends at the Halloween feast and eat way too much food. Hermione was intrigued. (See Draco, I can also use fancy words, bastard.) She thought it was going to be fascinating. Ron opted that it would probably be depressing and that made me think, what if it is really depressing? Should I be going then? I’ve already been feeling so sad lately. I don’t want to make it worse. I don’t want to start crying in front of others. When I do it when I’m alone it’s fine, right. It’s okay that I feel sad all the time because Draco doesn’t want me anymore, right? I’m not crazy, am I mom? I just feel so alone without him.

 

The party turned out to be okay. Nearly Headless Nick welcomed us at the door and there was a lot of ghost at the party. It was an incredible sight. I was happy I had put on a think sweater underneath my robes because it was freezing cold. And the music was horrible. It sounded like a thousand fingernails scraping an enormous blackboard. Hermione and I couldn’t eat the food, because it was all rotten and moulded. It’s here I met Moaning Myrtle, a young girl ghost who lives in the girls’ bathroom on the first floor. She has a glum face, half-hidden behind lank hair and thick, pearly spectacles. She thinks everyone is constantly making fun of her and she cries quickly. I wish there was something I could do for her, to make her feel better, but I think she will always be a sad ghost.

 

But the worsted of the night happened when Hermione and I left the party. We were halfway the hallway towards the stairs to the entrance hall when I heard that voice again. You remember, the one I heard when I had detention with Professor Lockhart. It said it was hungry and that it was time to kill. It was moving upwards and I ran after the sound, up the stairs, into the entrance hall, and then up to the first floor. Hermione followed me and it became clear quickly that she couldn’t hear the voice. I told her it was going to kill someone. It was saying it smelled blood and I was afraid I would be too late to stop it. I ran after it, turning corners until I arrived into a deserted passage. And there it was, written on the wall: The chamber of secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware. And Filch cat Mrs Norris was hanging underneath it, stiff as a board, her eyes wide and staring. I wanted to help, but Hermione said we needed to get out of there.

 

But it was too late. The feast had ended and from either end of the corridor where we were standing came the sound of feet climbing the stairs. The next moment, students were crashing into the passage from both ends. They all fell quiet when they spotted the hanging cat. Hermione and I stood alone, in the middle of the corridor, as silence fell among the mass of students pressing forward to see the grisly sight. And worst off all was Argus Filch that came shouldering his way through the crowd. When he saw Mrs Norris he fell back and clutched his face in horror. For a short moment, I felt sorry for the man until he started screeching that I had murdered his cat.

 

Headmaster Dumbledore arrived at that point and I was glad to see him. He would never think I would be able to murder a cat. The headmaster detached the cat and asked Filch, Hermione and me to follow him. Lockhart told us we could use his office and off we went. Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall followed as well, being the heads of our houses. In the office headmaster Dumbledore examined the cat and told us she was not dead but petrified and that no second year would be able to do that, because it was the most advanced Dark Magic.

 

But that didn’t satisfy Filch, he kept blaming me. He said it was because I knew he was a Squib. But at that moment I didn’t even know what a Squib was. Filch said I knew because I had seen his Kwikspell letter. It was Professor Snape that then said that maybe Hermione and I had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. But that it was suspicious that we were in the upstairs corridor instead of at the Halloween feast. I didn’t know what to answer. I didn’t think saying I had heard a voice that wanted to kill was going to do me any good. So I was very glad when Hermione explained that we had gone to Nearly Headless Nick’s death-day party and that I was simply escorting Hermione back to her own common room. Snape than asked why we didn’t join the feast after the party and Hermione said that she was feeling really tired and just wanted to go to bed.

 

Professor McGonagall than raised her voice at Hermione, asking she would lead me to the Gryffindor common room. But Headmaster Dumbledore simply answered that I had known the location since Christmas break last year, when he had given the Weasleys permission to take me there, so I wouldn’t have to spend all my time alone in the Slytherin common room. I couldn’t believe my ears, the headmaster was telling a lie to help us out. Isn’t that amazing.

 

After that, we were allowed to go and Hermione pulled me into an empty classroom as soon as we were far enough away from Professor Lockhart’s office. I know she is worried, about me hearing voices and she said it was a good choice not to tell them, it would only make me look guilty. She also explained to me what a Squid is, it’s someone born into a wizarding family without any magic, but I’m sure you would have already known that.

 

Hermione hugged me and then we both went our separate ways. Hermione up the west tower and me down to the dungeon. All my roommates were already asleep when I got there and I went to bed quickly. It wasn’t until the next morning that the Slytherins heard about the attack on Mrs Norris and that I had been in the middle of it all. I got asked if I had lost us any points and when I guaranteed them I hadn’t most of them let it go, except of course Nott and Crabbe. They keep joking that I will go after the Mudbloods next, me the great Harry Potter, the heir of Slytherin.

 

Oh, and something is up with Draco. He seems very disturbed about what happened to Mrs Norris. And that’s just weird because Draco hates cats. He has kept to himself all day, hiding away in his bed, writing in this little notebook he has. He even told Nott to get the hell away from him. I wish I knew what was going on with him. I hate seeing him like this. He looks paler than usual and he didn’t even bother to style his hair today. I think something is bothering him. But I’ll probably never learn what it is since mister “I pretend you don’t exist Harry” won’t speak to me.

 

I’m going to meet Hermione in the library now. I write to you again soon.

 

Love Harry James Potter.


	21. Monday 16 November 1992

Monday 16 November 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

Things have gone from bad to worse. It seems everyone thinks I’m the heir of Slytherin. There’s this boy in Hufflepuff named Justin, he ran away from me one day when I wanted to great him in the library. And Ron and Neville don’t want to be seen with me either. None of the Gryffindors wants to by the way. I’m not allowed to eat at their table anymore. I tried to explain that it wasn’t me, but nobody seems to want to listen. Only Hermione and Blaise still hang out with me, and the girl Blaise has been hanging out with. Her name is Luna and she’s a bit crazy, but I like her. She doesn’t seem to care about what happened at all.

 

Hermione has been reading a lot the last two weeks. She feels stupid that she didn’t bring her copy of Hogwarts, A History, because all the copies of the library had been taken out by other students. She wants to read up on the legend of the Chamber of Secrets. She even asked about it in our History of Magic class last Wednesday. It was a nice distraction during the boring class. Professor Binns just talks in his flat drone like an old vacuum cleaner until nearly everyone in the class is in a deep stupor. It was my favourite class at the end of last year because it was the one where Draco would play with my hand all class. And now the only thing I can do is daydream about how amazing that felt and how much I want it back. But he’s sitting with Pansy now. I think they are dating. That’s what everyone has been saying at least.

 

But like I was saying, Hermione disturbed the History of Magic class last Wednesday. Professor Binns was droning on about the International Warlock Convention of 1289 when she put up her hand and just asked point blank if the professor could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets. Well, that woke up everyone in the class. Professor Binns told us about the founders of the school and how Salazar Slytherin wanted to be more selective about the students who they would admit to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. It turned into this big argument between Slytherin and Gryffindor and Slytherin left the school. And the legend goes that Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing, that could only be opened by his own true heir to unleash the horror within, to purge the school of all who were unworthy to study magic.

 

Everyone was very excited to learn more about this Chamber, but professor Binns said it was all nonsense. That the school had been searched and that no such chamber excited. I didn’t really listen to all the questions the other students threw at professor Binns. I was more worried about Draco’s pale face. He had been looking out the window since the chamber had been brought up. The whole subject made him feel uncomfortable and that worries me. What if he knows something about all this? What if he’s the one who wrote that message on the wall and petrified Mrs Norris? Would Draco really be capable of doing that?

 

And then this Friday Hermione was crying during breakfast. She was sitting far away from Ron and he kept giving her dirty looks. As soon as she left the Great Hall I followed her. I asked her what was wrong. She just shook her head, grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs. We walked a little until we reached the wall with the writing about the chamber on it. Filch still hasn’t found a way to get it off. Hermione pushed open the door to the girl's bathroom and pulled me inside. It was the gloomiest, most depressing bathroom I’ve ever set foot in. Hermione walked into one of the stalls and set down on the toilet seat. Before I could even ask her again what was going on, Moaning Myrtle floated towards me and told me that this was a girls bathroom and that I was not a girl. I told her that I was just there to help my friend. Myrtle took one look at Hermione and asked if she wanted to kill herself. And then she went on that she wanted to kill herself last Halloween after Peeves had been mean to her, but that she remembered that she was already dead. She let out a tragic sob and then dived into the toilet, splashing water all over the place. I could still hear her sobbing from the u-bend.

 

Hermione had calmed down a little by then and she was able to tell what had upset her so much. It seems that last night she and Ron had a fight. Ron doesn’t want her to be friends with me anymore. And when Hermione told him no, he broke up with her. I know they had also already been fighting on Wednesday, after class. Ron had said something bad about Slytherin and Hermione had defended me. But they love each other, so I had thought they would be okay. Clearly, I was wrong. Hermione is really sad about it all, but she said she had promised me that we would stick together in this place and she was not going to break that promise. I told her she didn’t have to, that I would be fine, but she wouldn’t hear it. I was her best friend and she knew I hadn’t done it, so there was no reason to stay away from me. And if Ron wanted to be a stubborn ass-hole (yes Hermione really used the word ass-hole, I couldn’t believe my ears) than she was better off without him. I’m really glad she said that, because I wouldn’t know what to do without her.

 

The Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson is also a horror these days. Professor Lockhart hasn’t brought any more living creatures into class, but instead just reads passages from his books. He always wants to re-enact the more dramatic bits and I’m always the person that is picked to help him with these reconstructions. I’ve been forced to play a simple Transylvanian villager whom Lockhart had cured of a Babbling Curse, a yeti with a head cold, and a vampire who had been unable to eat anything except lettuce since he had met Professor Lockhart. And this Friday I was hauled to the front of the class to act like a werewolf. He made me howl and moan. Wow writing it down here makes it sound even worse than it already was. Nott and Crabbe have been re-enacting it all weekend.

 

And then this Saturday Draco had his first Quidditch match of the season. Slytherin was playing against Gryffindor. I know he was nervous in the way he snapped at everyone. And for the first time since I had made friends in Gryffindor, I didn’t at all feel conflicted about which team I should be cheering for. With me in the black books of the Gryffindors, there would be nobody giving me a hard time for cheering for Draco and our own house.

 

So as soon as it was eleven I made my way over to the Quidditch stadium and found a place at the back of one of the stands. And then the game started. Draco was good. Stealing the Quaffle from the Gryffindor team and scoring some good points. But then everything went wrong. One of the Bludgers kept aiming for him. Whenever the Beaters whacked it into a different direction it would just change direction in mid-air and shoot straight for Draco again. Draco had to manoeuvre hard to avoid it. I was glad Draco was so skilled on a broom, but I was scared for him.

 

I didn’t matter what the Beaters did, the Bludger wouldn’t stop attacking Draco and it became impossible for him to score any more points. With the Slytherin Beaters focused on keeping Draco safe, the other Chasers were having a hard time, giving Gryffindor the change to score a lot of points. And on top of that, it had also started to rain. It was clear someone had tampered with the Bludger and I wondered who would want to hurt Draco. What had he done to anyone lately? He just kept to himself most of the time. He even spends less time with Pansy these days. So maybe he’s not dating her.

 

Well, he probably is, since she was the first on the field when the Bludger got past the Beaters and Draco got hurt. It smashed onto his elbow and Draco broke his arm. He almost slid off his broom but was able to keep a grip with his legs. But the Bludger went for him again, going straight to his face and I was afraid Draco would die. He didn’t. He managed to swirl to the side, but it made him lose his balance and he fell to the ground. With a loud splattering thud, he hit the mud.

 

Draco just lay there on the ground, passed out with his arm in a weird angle next to him. I struggled not to cry, seeing him lying there like that. I wanted to go down and make sure he was okay so badly, but I know he wouldn’t have wanted me to, so I just stayed put and the back of the stand.

 

I was relieved when he woke up, but not when I saw that professor Lockhart was leaning over him and tried to heal his arm. I don’t know what happened, but I think he only made it worse. Pansy screamed at the professor for some minutes before she and Goyle escorted Draco to the hospital wing. It looked like his arm was all elastic when they moved him.

 

We did win the match by the way. In all the commotion nobody had noticed our Seeker catching the snitch, but he did and we won.

 

That evening I waited until everyone was asleep. I then took my invisibility cloak and made my way to the hospital wing. And you won’t believe what I saw when I got there. That silly house-elf Dobby was there with Draco. Draco was sitting upright in his bed, talking with the elf, like he knew him. I moved closer to them so I could hear what they were saying. Dobby was telling Draco that if he didn’t want to go home he should stop writing in the diary, that it was dangerous, that he would endanger Harry by doing so. Draco responded with that Dobby didn’t know what he was talking about, that he had no right to meddle and should go home. And then Dobby asked if Master Draco didn’t care about my welfare. But I never got to hear Draco answer the question because someone else was coming.

 

Dobby disappeared with a loud crack and Draco slumped back into bed, his watery grey eyes on the dark doorway to the hospital wing. I couldn’t look away from him, he looked sad and lost. Maybe he does still care about me.

 

Only moments later the door opened and headmaster Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall came in carrying what looked like a statue. Professor McGonagall went to get Madam Pomfrey. It seemed there had been another attack and this time it was Colin Creevey, the Gryffindor first year that used to follow me around at the beginning of the year. He was also petrified, still holding his little camera in his hand. When headmaster Dumbledore took it and opened the back a jet of steam hissed out of the camera. The inside of the camera was melted and I wondered what that mend. I still need to tell Hermione; maybe it will help her in figuring out what is attacking everyone.

 

And then headmaster Dumbledore said the worst. He said the Chamber of Secrets war indeed opened AGAIN!

 

I found Hermione the next morning in Myrtle’s bathroom. She’s avoiding the Great Hall and library since she and Ron broke up, so this had become our new place to hang out. She’s still heartbroken and says she understands now why I want to go and watch Draco play Quidditch all the time. I’m glad she finally understands, but I’m also sad about it. Now we are both heartbroken and sad all the time. Well, at least we still have each other.

 

I told Hermione about my trip to the hospital wing and how I found out that Draco knows Dobby, the house elf that had stopped my letters from arriving this summer. And how headmaster Dumbledore had said that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened before. We speculated about how a monster could get around unseen. Hermione thought it maybe was capable of making itself invisible or disguise itself just like Chameleon Ghouls. She had read about them somewhere and I joked she reads too much.

 

And now it’s Monday and the news of Colin’s attacked has spread through the entire school. The first years are moving around in tight-knit groups. Some of the older children are selling talismans, amulets and other protective devices. And everyone seems to believe I attached Colin. The rumour is that I was sick of him following me around with his camera. And somehow Crabbe had realised I hadn’t been in our dormitory when the attack happened, so he now also believes it was really me. He looks scared now, he’s not boasting anymore, but avoids me like everyone else. Even Blaise tries to speak to me as little as possible. Only Nott still thinks it’s one big joke that I’m the heir of Slytherin. I’m only a half-blood so I can’t possibly be the heir according to him.

 

I hope others will start listing to him soon because I hate how everyone looks at me like I’m some dangerous person.

 

Draco is okay now. He was released of the hospital wing on Sunday. Pansy is pampering him ever since. I don’t think he really likes it, he keeps pushing her hand away every time she tries to stroke his hair. His watery eyes from the hospital wing have been hunting me. I see them every time I close my eyes. They looked so hopeless and sad. I think something bad is going on with Draco. What if my dreams are coming true? What if he is ill? So ill he might die? Mom, I’m scared. How do I get him to talk to me, to tell me what is wrong? I need to help him, need to be with him.

 

I don’t know what to do.

 

I love you both, I’m going now. I just want to be alone right now.

 

I promise I will write again soon and I’m sure everything will be better by than. It has to be. I hate school like this. I hate my life if it’s always going to be like this.

 

Your Harry James Potter.


	22. Friday 18 December 1992

Friday 18 December 1992

Dear mom and dad,

 

I want it to stop. I want it all to stop. It’s a good thing most children are going home for Christmas tomorrow because I can’t do it any longer. There is not a single person in this school that doesn’t think I’m the one causing the attacks now. Another boy has been petrified, together with Nearly Headless Nick. I would never hurt Nick, he’s a friendly ghost. He even helped me at the beginning of the year when Filch was trying to give me detention because he had left mud on the floor. And he was so nice to invite me to his party. Why would I hurt him? But nobody seems to care about that. No, they only see the boy who can talk to snakes and has been spotted at the scene of the crime, twice. And I was missing for the other one, so it must be me. But I’m not doing this. I promise mom, I’m not.

 

It’s because of that stupid duelling club that Professor Lockhart tried to start up last week Wednesday. Hermione and I thought it would be fun and useful. Learning how to duel might help with keeping the bullies at bay. It’s not as bad as last year; it’s mostly just Nott saying mean things. But Hermione is right, and now that Draco isn’t teaching me defensive spell anymore I’ll have to learn them somewhere else.

 

And it started all of great. Professor Snape was also there to help Professor Lockhart give a demonstration. Professor Lockhart said that we didn’t have to worry, that we would still have our Potions master before he was through with him. And I wondered why Professor Lockhart was still smiling; if Professor Snape had been looking at me like that I’d be running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. And maybe Professor Lockhart should have because Professor Snape made him fly backwards with just a simple Disarming Charm. I thought it was funny and I clapped for my head of house. Hermione was all worried about her precious Professor Lockhart; she still thinks he’s amazing. I think it’s the smiles and the hair. If I hadn’t been so hung on Draco, I might have felt the same.

 

It got worse after that. We were paired up by the professors and against complaints from both of us Professor Snape paired me with Draco, saying it was time we tried to work out or differences, so Draco could start helping me with my Potions homework again. Professor Snape was tired of reading my horrible work. Hermione was forced to partner with Millicent, a girl in my house that is I think dating Vincent at the moment.

 

I couldn’t keep my eyes of Draco, and neither could he. When we were supposed to bow, we both barely inclined our heads. We both raised or wands, but I couldn’t remember the spell Professor Snape had used so I went for something else that wouldn’t be harmful. The only thing I could think of was a Tickling Charm. Draco had used it on me before when I was annoying during one of his study sessions last year. So when it was time to cast the spell I shouted Rictusempra. A jet of silver light hit Draco in the stomach and he doubled up, wheezing. I could hear Professor Lockhart shouting in the distant that we were to disarm only, when Draco sank to his knees, barely able to move for the laughing. His eyes found mine and for a moment I could see he remembered too, that night and the fun we had together, and a proper smile formed on his face before it fell back into his neutral form.

 

And then he turned his wand on me, and for I moment I was afraid he was going to hurt me. But he hit me with a Tarantallegra, making me dance a kind of quickstep. And the memories that came with that were even more painful. Draco had made Crabbe dance around like this last year when he tried to hit me again close to the exams. I had been so proud of Draco for not using anything that would hurt, that he remembered that I don’t like hurting others. I don’t know, but it felt like he wanted to tell me something, that he still cares, that he still doesn’t want to hurt anyone. But why does he hurt me then? By staying away from me and have Pansy hang over him all the time? Doesn’t he know that that is even worse than all the beatings I’ve had from Nott and Crabbe?

 

Snape made all of us stop with a simple Finite Incantatem and I could see Ron apologise to Neville for whatever his broken wand had done. Hermione and Millicent looked like they were fine. Only Draco looked worried at Nott like he was afraid Nott had read more in him working with me that there was. And this was the moment that Professor Lockhart decided that it was time for a volunteer pair to teach us all a blocking spell. And of course, Professor Snape volunteered Draco and I. Professor Lockhart showed me some complicated sort of wiggling action before he dropped his wand, expecting me to now know what to do. Meanwhile, Draco was almost fighting with Professor Snape, and when the professor told him he should, Draco just ran out of the Great Hall. I think he was crying and I wanted to follow him, but Professor Snape had already found a replacement for Draco and now I was facing Theo Nott.

 

Professor Snape had told Nott to use a spell called Serpensortia. The end of his wand exploded and a long black snake shot out of it. The snake landed in front of me, ready to attack. Professor Snape was just about to get rid of it, seeing I was frozen in place when Professor Lockhart stepped in and managed to only make it fly through the air. The snake was now hissing furiously at Justin Finch-Fletchley. And I don’t know why I did it, I can’t even remember deciding to do it, but I walked towards the snake and told him to leave him alone. And the snake slumped to the floor, and I knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone now. I looked up at Justin expecting him to be grateful, but he was angry and scared. He screamed: ‘What do you think you’re playing at?’ and stormed out of the hall. Everyone was muttering around me and Professor Snape looked at me with a shrewd and calculating look.

 

By then Hermione was pulling me out of the Great Hall. People on either side of me drew away as though they were frightened of catching something. Hermione dragged me all the way to Myrtle’s bathroom before she turned on me and asked me why I had never told her I was a Parselmouth. I told her I didn’t even know what that mend and she explains it means I can talk to snakes. I told her I know I can talk to snakes, that I once accidentally set a boa constrictor on my cousin Dudley at the zoo. I thought loads of people could do it, talk to snakes. But it turns out it’s very rare and that it was bad. I asked why it was bad. Didn’t people understand that if I hadn’t told that snake not to attack Justin… And that is where Hermione cut me off and told me that she could only hear me speaking Snake language and that it sounded creepy. I had never realised I spoke a different language, and that still freaks me out a little. How can I speak a language without knowing I can speak it? And then I asked again why it was bad and Hermione told me that being able to talk to snakes was what Salazar Slytherin was famous for and that now the whole school will be certain that I’m his great-great-great-grandson and therefore the one who attacked Colin and Mrs Norris.

 

I couldn’t sleep that night, just lied in bed staring at Draco’s drapes through a gap in the curtains for hours. First I listened to Draco cry and wondered why he had been so against doing the spell Professor Snape had told him to do at the duel. I was happy when the sobbing turned into even breaths and I knew he was sleeping. But that just left me to think about what Hermione had said. Could I be a descendant of Salazar Slytherin? I don’t really know anything about my father’s family. I tried to say something more in Parseltongue, but the words didn’t come. I think I need to be face-to-face with an actual snake for it to work.

 

Form the next day, people started to turn around when they saw me. I tried to find Justin to tell him I told the snake to stay away from him, but I didn’t find him anywhere. During meals I would sit alone at the end of the Slytherin table, nobody wanted to sit close to me, so the next students at the table were at least 2 meters away from me. I spend almost all weekend with Hermione in Myrtle’s bathroom. Myrtle is really enjoying the company. Always asking if we want to cry with her and if we already decided about how we want to kill ourselves. And sometimes I think she might be right, maybe it’s easier to just put an end to it all. But then I look at Hermione and remember what an amazing friend she is and I just can’t do that to her.

 

And then on Monday Herbology got cancelled. We have that class with the Hufflepuffs this year, so I decided to go look for Justin and explain. I went looking for him in the library, but he wasn’t there. Some of his house-mates were and they were talking about me. They said that Justin had gone back to their dormitory to hide. That he should be careful now that I had marked him as my next victim. One of the girls asked if Ernie was sure. And he said that I was a Parselmouth, so I must be a descendant of Slytherin. And then they said that I had a run in with Filch and the next thing you know, his cat gets petrified. And that Colin was annoying me at the Quidditch match when I wanted to leave, next thing you know he gets attacked. Hannah then said I always looked so nice and I thought that was nice of her. She also pointed out that I had made You-Know-Who go away. But Ernie also had an answer for that, that only a really dark wizard would have been able to defeat him, especially because I was only a baby. And that that is probably why he wanted to kill me in the first place. That Voldemort didn’t want another Dark Lord competing with him.

 

I couldn’t take it and turned around, with tears in my eyes. If even the Hufflepuffs think I’m an evil wizard. They are normally the nicest of everyone here in the castle, always seeing the good in people. But even they were now convinced that I’m the dark wizard terrorising the school.

 

I didn’t really look where I was going and walked straight into Hagrid when I turned around a corridor on my way back to Myrtle’s bathroom. He was on his way to the headmaster to get permission to put a charm around the hen coop since something was killing the roosters. It was either foxes or a Blood-Suckin’ Bugbear, whatever that may be. And then Hagrid took another look at me and could see that I was crying. He asked me again if I was sure that I was alright. I quickly pulled the sleeve of my rope over my eyes and told him it was nothing and that I had to get my books for my Defence Against the Dark Arts class I had next.

 

Leaving Hagrid behind, I still wasn’t really looking at where I was walking. Ernie’s words just kept spinning in my head. ‘Justin has been waiting for something like this to happen ever since he let slip to Potter he was Muggle-born.’ How could they think this of me? My best friend is a Muggle-born. Why would I hate them, if the only person in this castle that still cares about me is one of them? I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t see something lying on the ground. I tripped over it and when I turned to see what I had fallen over I felt as though my stomach had dissolved. Justin was laying on the floor, rigid and cold, a look of shock frozen on his face, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. And next to him was Nearly Headless Nick, no longer pearly-white and transparent, but black and smoky, floating immobile and horizontal, six inches off the floor. I got to my feet and looked up and down the corridor and saw a line of spiders scuttling as fast as they could away from the bodies.

 

I was panicking. I could run and no one would ever know I had been there. But I also couldn’t just leave them there. I had to get help. But who would believe I didn’t do it? I was so lost. What was I supposed to do? And then Peeves came by and saw the bodies next to me. He started screaming: ATTACK! Attack! No mortal or ghost is safe, run for your lives. And of course that made every door in the hallway crash open and students were coming in from all directions. It wasn’t until Professor McGonagall came on the scene and she had ordered everyone back into class that I dared to move. Professor McGonagall looked at me and told me to follow her. I tried to tell her that I hadn’t done it, but she said it was out of her hands. And then she took me to headmasters Dumbledore’s office.

 

Professor McGonagall left me alone in the headmaster’s office and I was sure I was going to get expelled. What else could they do? Everyone was certain that I was the one behind all the attacks. And now, I was again found on the scene of the crime. After just standing there, looking at all the amazing things in the headmaster’s office I heard a strange, gagging noise behind me. I turned out I wasn’t alone in the office. Headmaster Dumbledore has a bird, a very special bird, but I didn’t know that at first. So I yelled when the ill-looking bird burst into flames. And then the headmaster stepped into the room. I gasped, that there had been nothing I could have done. But headmaster Dumbledore just smiled and said that it was okay. Fawkes is a phoenix, and they burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes. We watched together until a tiny, wrinkled, newborn bird pokes its head out of the ashes. Headmaster Dumbledore assured me that he is normally a very handsome bird, with wonderful red and gold plumage. He also explained that they can carry immensely heavy loads and their tears have hailing powers.

 

It was then that Hagrid came bursting into the office, to defend me, saying it couldn’t have been me since I had been talking to him only seconds before the kid was found. And then the headmaster surprised me by saying that he knew it hadn’t been me. That made Hagrid stop talking and he went back out to wait for the headmaster to finish with me.

 

Headmaster Dumbledore asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him, and for a moment I thought about telling him about the voice I had heard saying it wanted to kill. But I remember that Hermione had said that hearing voices no one else can hear isn’t a good sign, so I decided not to tell him. And maybe I should have asked him if he knew if I was somehow related to Salazar Slytherin. Or told him that the children and even some professors at the school are consciously avoiding me, afraid I’ll go after them next. But I said that there was nothing and after that, I was allowed to leave.

 

After those attacks, almost all the students decided to go home for the Christmas holidays. Hermione tried to convince her parents to let her stay, but they agree, saying they missed their daughter, so she also had to go. Draco is also leaving, going to his elaborate Christmas dinner at the manor. I hope he will have a good holiday. I think he’s really scared and sad right night. He’s been crying more often at night. I hear him every time I wake up from my nightmares. They are still the same. I see Draco somewhere, I try to get closer to him and then he disappears. What if he doesn’t come back from the holiday?

 

I’m also a little scared because Nott, Crabbe and Pansy are staying here for Christmas. What if they decided to go after me? I know they think I’m some dark lord that has released a dangers monster on the school. But I’m sure they remember how easy it was to almost hex and beat me to death last year. What if the fear of me being a dark lord doesn’t stop them and I end up in the hospital wing again? Or worse, death? Well, I don’t really think that will be worse. Nothing can be worse than this, being avoided and looked at with fear. I’m tired of people skirting around me in the corridors and all the muttering, pointing and hissing as I pass. I’m tired of it all, I just want to be with you, mom and dad. I just want to be somewhere where I can be happy and don’t feel so alone all the time.

 

Oh, I must tell you about Fred and George, you remember Ron’s brothers. They are the only students, next to Hermione, that don’t think I am the heir of Slytherin. They make jokes about it all the time. When they see me walking down a corridor, they come to march ahead of me, shouting: ‘Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through.’ And making jokes like: ‘Harry’s off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea whit his fanged servant.’  It makes me feel a little better to know that there are at least two other people that think it’s ludicrous that I’m the heir of Slytherin.

 

I think I’ll try to go back to sleep now.

 

I love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


	23. Sunday 3 January 1993

Sunday 3 January 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

This must have been the worst Christmas holiday I’ve ever had. Even the silence and deep layer of snow on the grounds haven’t been able to cheer me up. It wasn’t like last year, when the Weasleys were here and I got to spend a lot of time with them, no this year I had to look over my shoulder all the time, making sure Nott or Crabbe left me alone. I feel that the only reason they stayed at the castle is to make my life a misery.

 

It started as soon as the other students were gone. On Sunday morning I found a dead rat in my bed and when I screamed from the shock, Nott and Crabbe doubled over in laughter. I throw the rat at Crabbe’s face and he ducked away with a frightened look. Luckily he’s scared that I would go after him next with my monster I keep hidden in the Chamber of Secrets.

 

The next day Nott followed me around the castle and I was afraid to go to Myrtle’s bathroom to talk to her. She was the only one left in the castle I could talk to. Isn’t that pathetic, Hermione is away for the holidays and I’m left with only a ghost of a dead moaning girl to hang out with. Nott tried to hex me all day and I used the Expelliarmus charm on him a couple of time with success, stopping him from tripping me with his leg-bind jinxes.

 

On Tuesday I made sure I got out of bed before Nott and Crabbe woke up and spend the entire day sitting on a toilet listening to Myrtle complain about the fact that Hermione is not visiting anymore and that she’s a horrible friend. I tried to explain that she had to go home for the holidays and would be back in January, but Myrtle didn’t believe me.

 

Wednesday was a little better. I woke up early again and went outside to fly my broom a little. It was nice to fly, even though it makes me miss Draco even more than I already do. It’s weird to see his drapes open at night, his bed perfectly made up. I miss the sounds he makes at night. I even miss his crying. Isn’t that pathetic of me? He doesn’t want to do anything to do with me and I still miss him now that he’s not here. After I was done flying around I landed on the other side of the lake and just sat there looking at the frozen water. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I was freezing when I made my way back to the castle. When I got to the dungeon Nott and Crabbe were nowhere to be seen, so I changed a quick shower to warm up. That was a big mistake. They came back while I was under the shower and they stole my clothes and my towel from the bathroom and had to walk back to our dormitory naked. Pansy thought it was very funny. I don’t know what they did with my clothes, I haven’t gotten them back or found them anywhere and that makes me sad because it was the sweater Mrs Weasley had made for me last year. It was so comfy and Draco also liked it. He said it looked good on me. Probably because it was one of the only clothes I possess that fit me. All my other clothes are old clothes of Dudley and they are too big for me.

 

Draco had promised to take me clothing shopping last summer, so I would look amazing all year long, and not only in winter when I could wear the sweater that I’ve now lost. I’m very happy that I’ve gotten a new sweater of Mrs Weasley this year with Christmas. I hadn’t expected it since I don’t hang out with Ron anymore. I’ve sent her a thank you note saying I’m very grateful. I never thought about sending Mr and Mrs Weasley any present. I should have, they took me in during the summer holiday and made me feel at home, even after they found out I was bent.

 

The day before Christmas I visited the owlery, in the hope Hedwig would speak to me again. She has been upset with me ever since the car trip to Hogwarts. Hermione has been feeding her for me. But it seems Hedwig has forgiven me. She was nibbling on my ear in an affectionate way while I gave her some threats. I told her I had missed her and that I was sorry. She squeaked happily and I was glad I had visited her. After that, I went to the library and started on my homework, in the hope that Nott and Crabbe won’t find me there. And they didn’t, so Thursday was an okay day.

 

On Christmas morning I slept in a little, and that was a big mistake. Someone had stepped on all my Christmas presents. So the tin of treacle toffee Hagrid had sent me was ruined, just like the luxury eagle-feather quill I had gotten from Hermione. The Dursleys had gotten me a toothpick and a note telling me to find out If I would be able to stay at Hogwarts for the summer vacation. And like I said before, Mrs Weasley had sent me another green sweater, this one in a different shade of green. Draco would probably know what kind of shade it is because it’s not the Slytherin emerald.

 

Christmas dinner was awkward. The Great Hall looked magnificent, with its frost-covered Christmas trees and thick streamers of holly and mistletoe. The awkward part was that I was sitting all by myself. The few Gryffindors that stayed behind didn’t want me at their table and the Slytherins also made sure I wasn’t sitting anywhere near them. Hagrid must have felt sorry for me because after a while he came sitting next to me. He didn’t make me talk, just placed one of his large hands on my back and said it would all get better soon. He was drinking a lot of eggnogs and he started booming more and more loudly with every goblet. I just wanted to slide under the table and disappear. Nott and Crabbe were looking at us like it was the stupidest thing they had ever seen. Nott also made a loud snide remark about my new sweater, and I felt tears well up in my eyes, so I left. I ran as quickly as I could to Myrtle’s bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. And I cried. For a very long time, mom. I just really hate it here. I hate my life. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t think I can. It’s too hard, too painful.

 

The next two days I hid away, thanking Myrtle for letting me hang out with her so much. She said it was nice, to have company so often. So I survived the weekend. But then Monday came and somehow they had managed to put Sleeping Draught in some of the snacks I had saved for later. One moment I was eating and the next I was fast asleep. They took me outside in my pyjama and strapped me against a tree. When I woke up I was freezing cold and I had no way of getting loose. I screamed for help only to hear laughter from behind some of the bushes nearby. Nott even screamed: ‘so where is your big bad monster now when you need saving, Scarhead?’

 

They left after a while, leaving me tied to the tree. I struggled to get lose, but nothing worked. My eyes were watery and that hurt, because the tears started to freeze a little. After a while I just let my head hang and hoped it would all be over soon. I must have passed out at some point because the next thing I know I woke up in the hospital wing with some warm blankets on top of me. Madam Pomfrey made me stay there for three whole days, only releasing me in time to go celebrate New Year’s Eve. Not that I had anyone to celebrate it with. I stayed up together with Myrtle, looking at the fireworks through her bathroom window.

 

Professor Snape came by when I was in the hospital wing, demanding me to tell him who had tied me on that tree. I told him I wasn’t sure, that I had fallen asleep on my bed and woke up tied up. Professor Snape got angry at me then, really angry. He shouted: ‘How am I supposed to help you when you won’t let me. Mr Potter? I thought that by now you would know that you can trust me. I can’t do anything about the bullying if you don’t give me names, Mr Potter. But have it your own way. Just don’t come hunting me when they finally manage to kill you.’

 

I didn’t say, but I had kind of hope not to wake up again when I was stuck on that tree. Every day that Hermione is not here, every night without Draco close by, with all the teasing and bullying, with everyone treating me like I’m a horrible person for attacking Colin, Justin and Nearly Headless Nick, I think I would be better off dead. I want to die, momma. I want to die and be with you and dad.

 

Wishing I was with you both,

 

Harry James Potter


	24. Thursday 21 January 1993

Thursday 21 January 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

Hermione is back at school and that makes everything a little easier again. I still hate it here, nothing else has changed. Everyone still avoids me or looks at me like I’m going to hex them if they come to close. In the classes I don’t share with Hermione I sit alone, at the back, so no-one can look at me. Even the teachers ignore me. Only Professor Snape tries to include me in his classes. But that just makes it worse since I usually have no idea what the answers to his questions are supposed to be. So it ends up with me saying the wrong thing, having Nott and Crabbe laugh at me and the rest of my house angry because I lost them house points for not knowing the answers.

 

I also showed Hermione the get well card I had received from Professor Lockhart. She thought it was amazing. I still think it’s too much. He was wishing me a speedy recovery as a concerned teacher. And the way he signed off is just ridiculous, as Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award. Who cared that he won the most-charming-smile award. That doesn’t say anything about his abilities as a wizard, or as a teacher. So I gave the card to Hermione. It made her happy and I enjoyed that at least one of us was still finding the strength to smile.

 

Two days later when I walked towards Myrtle’s bathroom just after dinner, I could hear Filch shout hysterically. For a moment I was afraid another person would have been attacked, but then I heard his words and he was complaining he would be mopping all night. Then his footsteps receded and after I heard a distant door slam I walked into the corridor. A great flood of water stretched over half the corridor. It was coming from Myrtle’s bathroom and I could hear Myrtle wail from inside. She was crying louder and harder than ever before. I found her in her usual toilet and asked her what was wrong. She asked if I also came to throw something at her, and I responded confused, why would I throw anything at her? Myrtle is my friend, I would never do anything to hurt her. She answered as followed: ‘Don’t ask me. Here I am, minding my own business, and someone thinks it’s funny to throw a book at me.’ And then I said something wrong because it only made Myrtle shriek even louder. It was just that I wanted to comfort her, by reminding her that it couldn’t hurt her because it just flies right through her.

 

I felt bad for making Myrtle feel even worse. I told her I was sorry and then asked her who threw it at her. She didn’t know. She had just been sitting in her U-bend thinking about death, and then it fell right through the top of her head. I asked her what it’s like, to die. Did it hurt or was it peaceful? Myrtle than told me how she died. She said it was dreadful. It had happened right there, in her toilet stall. She remembers it well because she’d been hiding from Olive Hornby. She had been teasing Myrtle about her glasses. Myrtle had been crying when she heard someone else enter the bathroom and say something funny, in a strange language. It was a boy, so Myrtle opened her stall to tell him to get out and use his own toilet, and then she died. She doesn’t know how, she just saw a pair of great big, yellow eyes. Her body sort of seized up and then she was floating away. And I just thought, that doesn’t sound so bad. It would be nice to flow away from this place and move on to be with you. I really wish I could be with you, mom and dad.

 

After our talk, I collected the book from the floor that had been thrown at Myrtle and I recognised it directly. It was the little book I have seen Draco write in this year on several occasions. I thought it was his diary and I didn’t understand why he would throw it away. Only the year on the diary wasn’t 1992 or even 1993, no the diary was fifty years old. And that just made no sense so I opened the diary to look inside, but all the pages were completely blank. There was only a name on the first page in smudged ink. The diary had belonged to someone named T. M. Riddle. And when I looked at the back of the diary I found out it was from a store on Vauxhall Road in London. And that made even less sense. Why would Draco have a diary that’s fifty years old, that was bought from a Muggle shop and used to belong to a T. M. Riddle. And why would he want to get rid of it, when it was clear nobody ever wrote anything in it. But that wasn’t right either, because I’ve seen Draco write in it.

 

I asked Hermione the next day if she knew if there were any ways to hide writing in books and she told me there were several ways. And that made so much more sense. I’m sure Draco had found the diary somewhere and used its ability to hide his word to the rest of the world to keep his own thoughts safe. For a moment I wished I had known how to undo it, so I could have read it. Just to see what I did to make him hate me, so I can apologise. And then maybe one day he will be able to look at me again and smile. But me reading it would have also made him hate me even more, so I let it go and just placed the diary under his pillow that evening. I’m sure he would have wanted it back if someone had stolen it from him. Because I don’t think he would have thrown it away himself.

 

The nightmares are getting worse, by the way. The ones with Draco disappearing. They wake me up almost every night now. And I just have to get up and check that Draco is still in his bed. It just feels so real, the dreams. They scare me, dad. Do you think it’s a bad omen? Should I be worried, or is it just because I’ve lost him? Am I dreaming him disappearing because he doesn’t like me anymore? Because he hates me now?

 

I wish you could talk back, or write back to me. I need you now, dad. I need both of you. Why did you leave me? Why does everything have to be so hard? I don’t want to do this anymore.


	25. Saturday 13 March 1993

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated the tags to include suicide attempt because of this chapter, if this might be a trigger for you, please skip this chapter and continue on to the next where things will start looking up.

Saturday 13 March 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

This will be my last letter to you. I promise I’ll be with you before everyone will wake up tomorrow morning. I just can’t do it anymore. Not now with Hermione

 

 

 

Hermione got petrified. She was at the library during the last Quidditch match. It was Slytherin against Hufflepuff and I wanted to go see Draco fly. When I was walking towards the stadium I heard the voice again. It said it was going to kill this time. I tried to follow it for a bit, but I lost it, so I went to the Quidditch match.

 

Only the match never happened. Professor McGonagall came onto the field before they could start, holding an enormous purple megaphone. She announced that the game had been cancelled and that all students must make their way back to the House common rooms, where our Heads of Houses will give us further information. I had just left the stands when Professor Snape walked up to me and asked me to come with him. First I thought they suspected me again and that I would sure be expelled now. But it was much worse than that. Professor Snape didn’t take me to his office, or headmaster Dumbledore’s office. No, he took me to the hospital wing. He explained that there had been another attack and when we entered the hospital wing I could see her.

 

She lay utterly still, her eyes open and glassy. It was like she was carved out of stone. Professor Snape said she was found near the library and I think he wanted to say more, but I couldn’t stay there. She’s petrified. I’m all alone now. So I ran, down the stairs, out the oak doors and over the grass, until I tripped. I didn’t want to get up. Not now I had lost my best and only friend.

 

Hagrid found me like that and took me to his little house. He carried me all the way and sat me down on his small couch. He was making me tea when Professor Snape showed up. He and Hagrid stared at each other for a while, and then Hagrid let the professor in.

 

Professor Snape sat down next to me and was just about to start talking when there was another knock on the door. Hagrid opened quickly and he looked scared when he let the men in. One of them was headmaster Dumbledore and the other was a man I didn’t know. He was a very odd-looking man. They both looked at me and professor Snape in surprise and the odd-looking man said it might be better if I would go back to the castle. I shook my head, I didn’t want to go back there, everyone in that castle hates me. I think headmaster Dumbledore saw that I wasn’t ready to go and he said it would be okay, that I had just as much right to be there. And then he told me that the odd-looking man was Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic. I nodded my head at him and whispered a nice to meet you. And he replied with that he had wished it had been under better circumstances.

 

And then everything got even worse. It seems that the Ministry thinks Hagrid had to do something with all the attacks and they have taken him to Azkaban. Headmaster Dumbledore told the Minister that taking Hagrid won’t do any good, but the minister said he had to act, that he had to be seen to be doing something and if it turns out that it wasn’t Hagrid that he would be released and no more said. I couldn’t believe my ears. First Hermione, and now I would lose Hagrid as well. Tears had started again and I tried to crawl away underneath the blanket Hagrid had pulled over my legs when we first had arrived at his house.

 

It was then that there was another knock on the door and Draco’s father strode into Hagrid’s hut. He had a cold and satisfied smile on his face. He didn’t seem to notice me and I was a bit relieved about that. I didn’t want to know what he would say to me if he even knows who I was and how I feel about his son.

 

He was there to tell the headmaster that the governors feel it’s time that he stepped aside. Mr Malfoy had an order of suspension with him. The Minister tried to tell Mr Malfoy they couldn’t, only to get told that the appointment or suspension of the headmaster is a matter for the governors. Hagrid also said they couldn’t do it, that there will be killings next without headmaster Dumbledore around. Professor Snape said nothing; he just looked at the whole conversation with a blank face. The headmaster made everyone calm down and then told Mr Malfoy that he would step aside if that was the governors wish. And then he followed with that he would only have truly left this school when none here are loyal to him and that we would also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. I didn’t get why he said that and what it means, but that doesn’t really matter anymore.

 

They all left, leaving me alone with Professor Snape, who then escorted me to the Slytherin dungeon. Before he left me there he assured me that Hermione will be okay as soon as the Mandrakes were mature enough. But how long will that still take? And what if something goes wrong with the potion? Or what if someone would damage or destroy the Mandrakes? I would still be all alone.

 

The other students in the common room all started blaming me for everything when I came back. They said that the other houses hated them even more now because all of the victims had been from the other houses. And that everyone was sure that it was all Slytherins fault. Some had even heard others saying that Slytherin house should be chucked out. And they all blamed me.

 

And there is talk about closing the school for good. Meaning I would have to go back to the Dursleys, for the rest of my life. I would never see Draco again. And I can’t do it. I can’t do any of it, momma.

 

I took my cloak that afternoon and made my way to Myrtle’s bathroom. I told her about what had happened and that I had nobody left. Draco hates me, Hermione is petrified, Hagrid is in jail and headmaster Dumbledore is fired. Who’s going to believe now that I didn’t do this?

 

Myrtle told me how to do it. And I’m going to. She’s right if life is this bad it’s better to end it. And I’m going to. When I’m dead I can be with you and everything will be okay. So tonight, when everyone is asleep, I’m going to go to the bathroom and break a mirror. I will use the glass to cut open my wrist. Myrtle told me to not do it horizontally, but vertically, from the bottom of my hand and then straight down over the veins that are visible there. She promised it would be quick and painless. She asked me if I would come to her as a ghost so we can haunt the bathroom together, but I told her I wanted to go to you. That it is time I would get to know my parents. And she understands, even though she is sad to see me go. But it’s for the best. I know that now. The world will be better off without me.

 

So this is goodbye form this side of the world. I’ll be with you soon.

 

I love you.

 

Harry James Potter


	26. 14 March 1993

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't leave you all with the cliffhanger of the previous chapter, so you get this little update only five minutes after I wrote it.  
>    
>  There is a complementary scene through the eyes of Terence Higgs of these events that can be found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16630400/chapters/38986937 

_14 March 1993_

_Dear Mr and Mrs Potter,_

_Harry is going to kill me when he sees I’ve written in his notebook, but I just wanted to let you know that he’s still alive. And I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. It’s my entire fault. If I just had been braver, like him, he would have never done this. So I’m sorry and I hope you will be able to forgive me one day._

_He’s still asleep now, but Madam Pomfrey has promised me that this is normal and that he will wake up once his body has healed enough. They have been giving him a blood-replenishment potion and he already has more colour that he had when I first sneaked into the hospital wing. I used the cloak he inherited from you, Mr Potter. I hope Harry won’t mind when I tell him, but I just had to see him. He had lost so much blood and I just needed to know that he was still alive._

_I love your son and I couldn’t bear the thought that he would die without knowing how much he means to me. And I know now that I was wrong for staying away from him. It was one of my father’s stipulations. He has made a whole list of them that I had to sign before he let me go back to Hogwarts. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell Harry all year, but Theo or Pansy were always watching, making sure I wouldn’t break any of the rules that had been imposed upon me. And I hate myself for not breaking them the first day back._

_I’m also sorry that I didn’t realize how much Harry was hurting because of me. I know he had it hard with everyone thinking he’s the heir of Slytherin and all, but I read the last entries in this book and all I can think of now is that I made everything so much worse than they were._

_You must know that I’ve made up my mind now. I don’t care what father is going to do to me. I won’t lie to your son anymore; I won’t stay away from him. He’s worth whatever punishment is waiting for me at home. I will tell him all as soon as he wakes up. And most of all, I will tell him how amazing I think he is and that I will never love anyone other than him._

_Again I’m sorry for being the main reason why Harry did this, I’ll try to make up for it for the rest of my life, I promise you._

_It was nice meeting you._

 

_With kind regards,_

_Draco Malfoy_


	27. Friday 16 April 1993

Friday 16 April 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

Things are better now. I have to see a mind healer once a week. We talk about my classes mostly. Sometimes we talk about you, or how it is to live with the Dursleys. She never asks me why I did it, and I’m glad. I don’t really want to talk about it. Hermione is still petrified and I’ve been to visit her a couple of times. It’s hard to see her lying there, so still. It almost looks like she’s dead. But Miss Davis says it’s good to go and see her and talk to her like I would do if she wasn’t petrified, so I do.

 

Draco was sitting next to my bed holding my hand when I woke up after I cut my wrist. He’d been crying, out in the open where other people could see because of me. He is the one that found me that night. If he hadn’t woke up and needed to use the bathroom I would have died. He hasn’t let me out of his side since. I can’t even go shower without him following me to the bathroom. I think he’s scared I’ll try again, even though I promised him I wouldn’t. And he feels guilty about ignoring me for so long this year. He told me what his father had made him promise and how hard it had been for him. He thinks he should have been braver and that he should have told his father he won’t, no matter what, because he loves me. He loves me, mom. Draco loves me.

 

The first night I spend back in my own bed I woke up again from one of my nightmares. The once with Draco disappearing all the time. Draco read some of my letters to you and knew what was going on, so he climbed into my bed and hugged me until I stopped crying and had fallen back to sleep. Ever since then he just crawls into my bed in the evening and his presence, warm and safe against my back, with his arm around my stomach, it helps me sleep through the night.

 

The first day back to class was hard. It seems like everyone knows what I did and Nott and Crabbe make fun of it every chance they get. Draco told them to shut up, but they don’t really listen to him. I told him it’s okay, but Draco gets upset when people talk about what I did. I think I scared him and I feel bad about that. I never thought he would care about what happened to me. I hate that his father had forbidden him from even looking at me the wrong way.

 

Draco has gotten a letter from his father only a couple of days I came back to the dormitory and he started sleeping in my bed. We think Nott most have told his parents about what happened. Draco’s father is angry and is threatening to pull Draco out of school. His father is ashamed of him, for showing openly that he’s bent. And to make matters worse he has picked a half-blood, the enemy of the Dark Lord to associate with. Draco was very upset when the letter came. He wants to make his father proud and he hates that his father hates this part of him. I was glad when the next day Draco received a letter from his mother, telling him that she was proud of him for helping me and that she would make sure that he would stay at Hogwarts. She also wished that I would feel better soon and that she would like to meet me next summer so she can get to know her son’s boyfriend. Draco’s mother sounds nice, so it would be nice to meet her. His father still scares me and Draco hates him at the moment, so I’m not sure if all the horror stories about him are true or if they are coloured by Draco’s hate for him.

 

It’s the Easter holidays now and I have to choose my subjects for the third year. I’m sure Hermione would take it all very seriously. If she was here she would be saying things like: ‘It could affect our whole future’. I just don’t know what to choose. I have no idea what I want to do with my future, only a few weeks ago I didn’t even want to have a future. I told Miss Davis that. She asks me if I feel guilty about thinking like that and I kind of do. I almost left Hermione and Draco behind. I was so stupid. I promise I’ll never do anything like that again. I want to live now. I know it’s still hard, but I’m not alone anymore. Draco is helping me pick out my subjects. He already knows what he wants to do. He’s taking Divination and Ancient Ruins. I told him I could just take the same subjects as him, but he told me that was the worst way to choose subjects. And he’s right of course, but I kind of like the idea of sharing all my classes with him. It’s nice to sit next to him again in class. My potion work has already improved and Professor Snape looks happy about the fact that we are working together again. He’s been keeping an eye on me a lot lately. I can’t blame him, what I did was stupid.

 

Draco stayed at Hogwarts this Easter holiday. He said I would need him more than his mother would need him. It’s nice to have him around. We are not allowed to go outside the Slytherin common room because of the attacks so we spent most of our time just hanging around in our dormitory, talking and playing with magic. It’s nice. I’ve missed this, just the easy simple time with Draco.

 

People in the castle are afraid. Everyone looks worried and tense all the time. Draco hates it that his father is responsible for getting rid of Dumbledore. That the headmaster might be crazy, but that he was not at fold for the attacks and that it had been stupid to sack him. I know Draco doesn’t really like the headmaster, and he hates going against his father, so hearing him say that his father had made a mistake for dismissing headmaster Dumbledore was a big thing.

 

And on the last day before the Easter holiday, Ron and Neville came up to me during Charms to apologise for thinking I was the heir of Slytherin. They know I would never attack Hermione. Ron held out his hand and I shook it. Draco gave both of them an evil look, but I told him during lunch that he had been just as bad, ignoring me all the time. That even though he never thought I was the one causing the attacks he still made me feel like there was something wrong with me. And that if I could forgive him for that, I could also forgive Ron and Neville for thinking what they did. Draco said he would try to be nice to them again, but only if they would treat me with respect.

 

Professor Lockhart is still as ignorant as ever. He thinks the danger has passed because Hagrid has been taken away. That the Minister of Magic wouldn’t have taken Hagrid if he hadn’t been one hundred per cent sure that he was guilty. But I was there when they came to take Hagrid, and the Minister hadn’t thought he done it, but just wanted to save his own face. I really need to calm myself during his lessons. He irritates me so much that I want to throw Gadding with Ghouls right in his stupid face.

 

Draco says hi, by the way. He’s busy writing in his own little notebook. He says it holds the memory of a student that lived here in Hogwarts like fifty years ago and that the Chamber had also been opened when he was here. A girl died back then. I asked him if he could ask this Tom more about this girl and what had happened to her, but Draco doesn’t want to bring it up to him, because they seemed to have had a fight about who was responsible for it. This Tom also thinks Hagrid did it. But I’m sure he hasn’t. Hagrid has a good heart. He might like dangerous creatures, but he would never want to hurt anyone. Not on purpose anyway. I hope Hagrid is okay, being stuck in Azkaban. Draco told me about that place and it sounds nasty.

 

But I should really go do some homework now. I write again soon.

 

Love you

 

Harry James Potter.


	28. Tuesday 18 May 1993

Tuesday 18 May 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

It’s only a couple of weeks until final exams. Hermione is still petrified so Draco is the only person pushing me to study. It’s been nice, we’ve made a little study group. We can’t go to the library (which I’m kind of grateful for since it will only remind me that Hermione is still petrified and won’t be studying with us) so we study in the common room. Greg, Blaise and Daphne have joined us. Blaise is really good in Transfiguration, he’s been helping me practice the Reparifarge spell right. They all apologised for thinking I was the heir of Slytherin. Daphne said there was no way it could be me because I would never hurt Hermione. She hopes the Mandrakes will be ready soon, so I can have my best friend back.

 

I also still go to Miss Davis every week. We don’t only talk about classes anymore. We’ve also been talking about how it is to not have parents like all the others around me. I told Miss Davis that I write to you on a regular basis and she said that was good, that I should keep doing that if it makes me feel better. I told her it did, that it made me feel closer to you. We talk about how I miss you, even though I can’t really remember you.

 

Another thing I’ve been talking about with Miss Davis is Draco. I think he’s my boyfriend now. We never really said it out loud, but he’s always holding my hand and smiling at me. He makes me feel good about myself, stronger. But it still hurts what he did to me, ignoring me for so long. I know he had good reasons and that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he did. Miss Davis said it might be a good thing to tell him, to talk about it, but I don’t really want to. I don’t want to push him away or make him think I don’t like him.

 

_Excuse me Mr and Mrs Potter, but I need to steal your son for a moment. It seems we need to have a conversation about my idiotic behaviour of the last couple of months. And I need to convince your son that there is nothing he could ever do that would make me love him less._

 

Okay, so I just had a talk with Draco. He wanted me to tell him everything, about how much he had hurt me, and how much I hate him for it. I told him I don’t hate him, that I could never hate him. It was intense, but also good. We both cried a lot. He keeps promising me that he will never do that to me again. He also told me what it was like for him to find me that night, in the bathroom. I never thought about what it would be like for the people that would find me, or how I would hurt others with my actions. Draco says I should talk to Greg in private and tell him I will never do it again. Draco thinks his brother might have killed himself a couple of years back. I never knew Greg had an older brother. I feel really bad now, for doing what I did.

 

_Hello Mr and Mrs Potter, Harry is really upset right now. I keep trying to tell him nobody blames him for anything, but he’s still extremely upset about the fact that he hurt so many people when he slit his wrist. He never meant to hurt anyone, he just wanted it all to be over. He says he doesn’t feel that way anymore, on most days. Only sometimes he still wishes that I hadn’t saved him. He doesn’t know how he can explain it, but he’s trying. He’s promised me he will never do anything like that again, that he will come to talk to me or Miss Davis when he feels like everything is too much to handle._

_I don’t think Harry has told you already about my crazy house elf Dobby. Harry told me he saw me with him when I was in the hospital wing when my arm got broken and Professor Lockhart made a mess when he tried to heal it. It seems that Dobby had also made a visit to Harry during the summer. I told Harry that Dobby is my favourite elf, him and Elka. Elka is an elderly house elf. She was my nanny when I was growing up. And Dobby is just the kindest elf I’ve ever seen. And for a long time, it was normal that we treated him like a lesser being, but I’ve started to see that we should treat him with respect. He might be a servant, but he’s still a living and breathing person. Harry made me realise that when I told him about the position of house elves. He says we treat them like slaves, and he has a point._

_I’m getting a bit carried away. What we wanted to tell you about Dobby is, that he showed up again last weekend, when Harry and I were alone in the dormitory. Dobby is still convinced that we are both in mortal danger and that we should leave the school. I love the way Harry interacts with Dobby. He treats him like an equal. Your son has an amazing heart._

Yes, we all know, Draco loves me. But back to the point. Dobby has this believe that Draco and I will die a horrible death if we stay at Hogwarts. I don’t know why he’s worried since Draco is a pure-blood and I’m a half-blood. Until now only Muggle-born witches and wizards have been attacked. But there was no calming Dobby down. He threatened to bodily harm me if I would not go. And that is when Draco ordered him to never harm me in any way. Dobby bowed and said he wouldn’t, that he would never go against young Master Malfoy’s wishes. I wanted to ask him why we, in particular, were in danger, but Blaise came into the dormitory and Dobby disappeared with a loud crack. 

 

I’m feeling better again. The talk with Draco was hard. I still have a lot of bad days, where I just want to stay in bed and don’t talk to anyone. I still think most people in this school hate me. Draco keeps reminding me that almost everyone in Slytherin House doesn’t think anymore that I’m responsible for any of the attacks. And I know that a lot of the older students are keeping an eye on me, making sure nobody bothers me during the day. It’s just, I really wanted to die. And now I don’t, but sometimes I still feel like I should be with you, and not here. I think I need to tell Miss Davis this. Draco is now looking at me with a worried face. I don’t know how I can make him believe I won’t do it again. Not now that I know that he loves me. I don’t think I can leave him now. I can’t hurt him like that.

 

But it’s time now for our little study meeting.

 

I love you both,

 

Your Harry James Potter

 

_And with kind regards,_

_Your son’s boyfriend Draco Malfoy_

 

Oh yes, that’s also something we just talked about. We are officially boyfriends now. Now I just need to find someone who can punch that silly smile of Draco’s face.


	29. Friday 4 June 1993

Friday 4 June 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

These last two weeks have been unreal. First off, Draco kissed me. Like really kissed me, on the lips and everything. And now we can’t seem to stop. I love feeling his lips on mine. It’s the best thing ever. And I’m glad we get to do it whenever we want now because when he first did it, I thought it would be the last thing I do before I died.

 

Yes, I almost died and this time I didn’t want to. I was just so badly hurt and we thought there would be no way to rescue me on time. But I should start at the beginning, so you understand what had happened.

 

It was the week before exams would start when Draco figured it out. I had told him that I had heard a voice saying it was going to kill before all of the attacks. And he knows that Hermione was carrying around a mirror when she got petrified. The monster of Slytherin was a Basilisk. That was why I could only hear the voice. I’m the only one we know in this school that understands Parseltongue. A Basilisk kills you instantly with the stare of his eyes, but none of the victims had looked it straight in the eye. Hermione had used the mirror, Colin saw it through his camera, Justin was looking through Nearly Headless Nick and Mrs Norris had only seen the Basilisk reflection in the water that had been on the floor. That’s why none of them had died.

 

Draco showed me the passage in a book about the Basilisk and it all made sense. Hagrid had said something had been killing roosters, and the crowing of the rooster is fatal to a Basilisk. We only took some time to figure out how the Basilisk got around the castle. But after some brainstorming we knew, it was using the pipes. The voice I heard was inside the walls.

 

Later that evening, when I was brushing my teeth I remembered Myrtle’s story, about how she had died. She was in the bathroom and heard some boy say something in a different language. And when she opened the stall door she died instantly when she saw a pair of eyes. It must have been the Basilisk that killed her. She’s the girl that died fifty years ago. The entrance to the room must be in her bathroom.

 

I went to find Draco to tell him about Myrtle, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. He wasn’t in the dormitory or the common room. I asked around, but no-one had seen him in a while. Terence said not to worry, that Draco was probably just in the bathroom or something. But it just didn’t feel right. I went to bed and waited for a while for Draco to join me, but he never came. So I got up again to look for him. The common room was empty by now, just like all the bathrooms. Draco wasn’t in the dungeon. I was really worried so I decided to go to Professor Snape and tell him Draco was missing.

 

But I never made it to Professor Snape’s quarters. When I came out of the Slytherin dungeon I found Ron and Neville looking around in the hallway. Ron came running up to me, saying they had been looking for me. They had overheard Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick talking about a student that had been taken to the Chamber of Secrets. That there had been a message on the wall saying ‘His skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever.’ So they followed them all the way to the staff room and then overheard that Draco was the student that had been taken.

 

I stumbled to the floor when they told me. I couldn’t believe it, I had only just got him back and now I was going to lose him all over again. And this time for real. He would die and I won’t be able to save him.

 

Ron kept talking, saying that all students will be sent home the next day and that the end of Hogwarts had come. He continued with saying that he couldn’t believe that the professors were just giving up. That nobody was going to try to find the Chamber and save Draco. It was wrong. So they had come looking for me, to go on a mission to find this Chamber and rescue Draco. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Ron, the boy that had dumped Hermione for hanging out with me, who had been sure I was pure evil for most of the year and who hated all things Malfoy had come looking for me so we could go safe Draco.

 

Ron already had a plan. Only the day before they had overheard Professor Lockhart saying he knew where the entrance of the Chamber of Secrets was, so we should start with him. So we sprinted to his office. And you will never believe it, but Professor Lockhart was packing all his belongings. It seemed that the other Professors had tasked him with rescuing Draco and he was running. He was going to leave my boyfriend for death. I got really angry and started shouting at Professor Lockhart. Accusing him from running away, even after all that stuff he had done in his books. And then we found out that he hadn’t done any of those things, he’d been taking credit for what other people had done. He tried to defend himself by saying it was a lot of work to find the stories, to track the people down, asked them what happened and then putting a memory charm on them so they wouldn’t remember doing it.

 

After that, he tried to obliviate us, couldn’t have us blabbing his secrets all over the place. So I reached for my wand and used the Expelliarmus spell to disarm Professor Lockhart. Ron caught the wand and flung it out of the open window. I was furious. Professor Lockhart said he couldn’t do anything to help Draco, because he didn’t know where the Chamber of Secrets was. I spit at him that he was in luck, because I knew and that I also knew what was inside. I told Neville to go find Professor Snape or Professor McGonagall and to tell them to find us in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. Neville ran off and Ron and I forced Professor Lockhart to come with us to the bathroom.

 

Myrtle was sitting on the tank of the end toilet when we came in and she was surprised to see me. She asked what I was still doing walking around alive. She thought I was dead by now since I hadn’t been around in weeks. I hadn’t thought about it, but I hadn’t been back there since she convinced me it was a good idea to slit my wrist open and kill myself. I had completely forgotten about Myrtle. And I was supposed to be her friend. I apologised to her and promised that I would come to visit her more often.

 

Myrtle wanted to know why I wasn’t dead and I told her we would discuss that some other time. She got upset about that and snapped at me ‘Than what do you want this time’. I asked her where she had seen the pair of great, big, yellow eyes when she died. Myrtle pointed vaguely toward the sink in front of her toilet and Ron and I hurried over to it to investigate. It looked like an ordinary sink; the only thing standing out was a tiny snake on one of the copper taps. Myrtle said the tap has never worked when I turned it. Ron suggested saying something in Parseltongue. I didn’t know if I could since I only managed to do it when faced with a real snake and I’ve never tried otherwise. But after a couple of tries, I managed to say ‘Open up’ in Parseltongue.

 

The tap glowed with a brilliant white light and began to spin as soon as I hissed the words. Then the sink sank right out of sight, leaving a large pipe exposed. The pipe was wide enough for a man to slide into. I told Ron that I was going down. I couldn’t not go, not if there was a change that Draco was still alive. I had to believe he was, the thought of losing him for good was daunting. Ron said he would come with me and I was thankful that I didn’t have to go down the pipe alone.

 

It’s then that Professor Lockhart spoke up, saying that it seemed that he wasn’t needed. I had completely forgotten about him. Ron turned towards him and pointed his wand at him, saying Lockhart could go first. He protested, but we had both our wands pointed at him, so he hadn’t a real choice.

 

Professor Lockhart went down the pipe first. I followed him quickly. It was like rushing down an endless, slimy, dark slide. Other pipes branched off in all directions, but none of them was as large as the one I was sliding down. In the end, the pipe levelled out and I landed on the damp floor of a dark stone tunnel. We were miles under the school, and Ron thought we were probably under the lake.

 

I lighted my wand with a Lumos and told Ron and Professor Lockhart that they should close their eyes at the first sign of movement. Ron asked why and I told him about the Basilisk and how it could kill him with his eyes. We moved forward and discovered that the entire floor was littered with small animal bones. I struggled to not imagine what Draco might look like if we found him, what if the Basilisk had eaten him and there would only be bones left.

 

After a while, we walked up to a large shed snake skin that was from a beast at least twenty feet long. Ron and I were examining it when Professor Lockhart made a grab for Ron’s wand and tried to obliviate us again. But Ron’s wand was still broken from our little crash into the Weeping Willow, and it backfired. The wand exploded with the force of a small bomb. I slipped over the coils of snakeskin to get out of the way when great chunks of tunnel ceiling came thundering to the floor.

 

When I looked up again I was staring at a solid wall of broken rock. I made sure that Ron was okay, but Professor Lockhart wasn’t because he had gotten blasted by the wand. Ron couldn’t get through the fallen rocks so I told him to wait there with Professor Lockhart. I was sure that Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall would arrive shortly once Neville had warned them about where we had gone. They would be able to get through the wall of rocks.

 

I took off alone, past the giant snakeskin. The tunnel turned and turned and I was afraid I would never reach Draco in time. And even if I did, how was I going to save him? I had no skills to fight a Basilisk of even the person that had taken Draco. I’m just a mediocre wizard, I have no extraordinary skills.

 

Finally, after another corner, I came to a solid wall on which two entwined serpents were carved. I told them in Parseltongue to open. The serpents parted as the wall cracked open, the halves sliding smoothly out of sight and I walked inside. By then I was shaking and terrified of what I would find.

 

I was inside a very long, dimly lit chamber. Stone pillars entwined with more carved serpents rose to support a ceiling lost in darkness, casting long, black shadows through the odd, greenish gloom that filled the place. It was eerily silent and a chill went over my body. I pulled out my wand and started moving forward between the serpentine columns. My footstep echoed loudly and I was sure I wouldn’t surprise anyone. They would know I was coming, so I kept my eyes narrowed, ready to clamp them shut at the smallest sign of movement.

 

I found Draco lying on the floor, between the feet of a high statue of a wizard with a face that was ancient and monkeyish. It had a long, thin beard that fell almost to the bottom of the wizard’s sweeping stone robes. I sprinted towards Draco, begging him not to be dead. I flung my wand aside, grabbed Draco’s shoulders and turned him over. His face was white as marble and he felt cold to the tough. His eyes were closed and I was afraid I was too late. I hugged Draco against my chest and begged Draco to wake up.

 

A soft voice came from the side, saying: ‘he won’t wake’. I jumped up and spun around. A tall, black-haired boy was leaning against the nearest pillar. He was blurred around the edges and he looked at me with fascinated eyes. I asked him who he was and he told me he was Tom Riddle. I shook my head, that couldn’t be possible. Tom Riddle was the memory trapped inside Draco’s notebook; he could not be a person here in the school.

 

And I wish I had realised right then that Riddle was the one, but all I could think of was Draco and his lifeless body on the floor beside me. With tears in my eyes, I asked Riddle what he had meant when he said that Draco won’t wake. Tom said he wasn’t dead and I was relieved for a moment until he continued with a ‘but only just’.  I took hold of Draco again and asked Tom for his help, telling him there was a Basilisk around and that we needed to get Draco out of there. I hoisted Draco half off the floor and then bent to pick up my wand, but my wand was gone.

 

When I looked up I could see that Riddle was holding my wand, twirling it in between his long fingers. A smile curled the corners of Riddle’s mouth and I got angry at him. This boy had helped Draco all year and now he was just smiling at us while Draco was dying. I screamed at him that we needed to go, that the Basilisk could come at any moment. But Riddle said in a calm voice that it won’t come until it’s called. I had to lower Draco back onto the floor, unable to hold him up any longer. And I was confused. I didn’t understand what Riddle meant and he also hadn’t given me my wand back. I was getting a bad feeling about it all.

 

Riddle his smile just broadened. He said I wouldn’t need my wand. And that he’d waited a long time for this, for the chance to see me and to speak to me. I told him we could speak later, that we now first had to get Draco to the hospital wing. But Riddle didn’t care. He said we were going to talk now. Something was wrong and I looked again at Draco, wondering out loud how he had gotten like this.

 

Riddle answered that question for me. He said it was an interesting question and quite a long story. He said that the real reason Draco was like this is because he opened his heart and spilt all his secrets to an invisible stranger.

 

The notebook. Draco’s notebook. I looked at where Riddle was nodding towards and I could see the little diary Draco had been writing in all year. About his fears and heartbreak. He had told me. And now Riddle was telling me that he had charmed Draco into trusting him, that it had been boring to listen to the silly little troubles of a twelve-year-old boy. But he had written back, had been sympathetic and kind, making Draco pour his soul into the diary, so Riddle could grow stronger. So strong that he became more powerful than Draco, and started pouring his soul into him. Riddle had made Draco open up the chamber of Secrets, had him strangle the roosters and had him write threatening messages on the walls.

 

I couldn’t believe my ears. Draco had been the one to do all that. And he had let the entire school believe that it was me. Why hadn’t he ever said anything?

 

So you will believe that I was relieved when Riddle continued his little speech and revealed that Draco had no memory of doing any of it. He hadn’t known that he was being used. It sickened me when Riddle bragged about how interesting it had been to read about how worried Draco had been, how he had questioned if he might be responsible for any of it. And how fun it had been to convince him otherwise. Until Draco had said he wouldn’t write to Tom again after an argument. But I had been so kind to almost kill myself, upsetting Draco so much that he started writing to him again.

 

And I felt horrible. When I had found the notebook, Draco must have tried to get rid of it and I had brought it back to him. It was my fault he was dying now. I could feel the tears stream down my cheeks by now. Draco was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. And it was all my fault.

 

Riddle looked at me with an angry look. He said I disappointed him. He had been so curious about me ever since Draco had told him that I had defeated the Dark Lord twice in my short life. And then I tried to kill myself, like a helpless little child. He just had to meet me, and seeing how much Draco and I care about each other, he just knew that I would come to his rescue if Draco would be in danger. So Riddle had made Draco write his own farewell on the wall and come down here. Draco cried at first, Riddle said, he thinks Draco finally realised that had been him all along. Only it was already too late, he had put too much of himself in the diary, into Riddle, so much so that Riddle could leave the pages of his diary, slowly killing Draco while he was waiting for me.

 

He wanted to know how I, a skinny boy with no extraordinary magical talent, who even wasn’t smart enough to kill himself properly, managed to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How had I escaped with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort his powers were destroyed? I asked him why he wanted to know and he told me he was Lord Voldemort. That it was the name he had fashioned for himself, a name he knew wizards everywhere would one day fear to speak when he had become the greatest sorcerer in the world.

 

But he wasn’t the greatest sorcerer in the world and I told him so. I told him that headmaster Dumbledore was the greatest wizard in the world. That everyone says so and that Voldemort was still afraid of Dumbledore now, where ever he was hiding these days.

 

Something amazing happened then. Music was coming from somewhere that kept coming closer. It was Fawkes, headmaster Dumbledore’s bird. It dropped the sorting hat at my feet and then landed on my shoulder. It made Riddle laugh, mocking the items that Dumbledore had to send me. But for me, it felt like I had a change. Even though the objects seemed useless, I felt like I might be able to somehow defeat Riddle now and save Draco. All I wanted was to save Draco.

 

After that things became a bit scary. Riddle asked me how I had defeated him before. He tried to keep me talking, but I knew that the longer it would all take, the more life was slipping from Draco’s body into Riddle. So I told him he was useless, that my muggle-born mother had saved me. Riddles concluded out of that that there was nothing special about me and send for the Basilisk. It came sliding out of the mouth of the statue that had opened wide to make a huge black hole. I shut my eyes and I could feel Fawkes take flight. I was going to die, I was sure of it. If Fawkes would take of what did I have to defend myself with?

 

I could hear the Basilisk’s heavy body slithering across the floor. I kept my eyes shut and began to run blindly sideways, keeping my hands stretched out. Voldemort was laughing when I tripped. Something heavy hit me then and I was smashed into a wall. I was sure the next thing I would feel were some fangs biting me and killing me. But that never happened. I could hear mad hissing and something thrashing wildly off the pillars. And I couldn’t help myself; I had to take a look. And you will never believe what I saw. Fawkes had punctured the Basilisks eyes.

 

The next thing I remember is holding the Sorting Hat, while the Basilisk was coming after me. I pulled the hat on my head and just thought ‘help me’. There was no voice but the hat contracted and something very hard and heavy thudded onto my head. It almost knocked me out. It was a gleaming silver sword and I took it out and used it when the Basilisk lunged for me. The hilt drove into the roof of the Basilisks mouth, making it keeled over sideways, twitching to the floor. I slid down the wall, my arm hurt so badly and when I looked I could see one of the poisonous fangs of the Basilisk sticking out of it. I crawled toward Draco. I was going to die, I knew it. A white-hot pain was spreading slowly from the wound and my vision started to become foggy. It was a lot like when I had slit my wrist and the world had started spinning while the blood pulsed out of my arm.

 

I made it to Draco and took his hand in mine. If we were going to die I wanted to hold him, know that he was here with me. I tried to ignore Riddle’s laughter and mocking. I just wanted to tell Draco one more time that I love him. Fawkes came flying by then and he dropped the diary into my lap. And without thinking I wrenched the Basilisks fang out of my arm and plunged it straight into the heart of the book. I wanted to hurt the awful book that had used my Draco, manipulated him and was now killing him. There was a long, dreadful, piercing scream and ink came spurting out of the diary. Riddle was writhing and twisting, screaming and flailing and then he was gone. My wand fell to the floor with a clatter and then everything was still. I lay down on the floor and closed my eyes, not expecting to open them again.

 

The next thing I remember is Draco holding me in his arm, begging me to wake up. I opened my eyes and was happy to see that Draco wasn’t as white anymore as when I found him on the Chamber’s floor. I asked him if we were dead. He told me we weren’t and that I had to stay awake. Draco was crying and I knew he had seen the wound in my arm. He was begging me to stay with him. I said I was sorry. There was no way to save me. It hurt so much hearing Draco pleads, begging me not to leave him alone. I told him I love him and he said it back to me. I knew I hadn’t long, I was in so much pain and Draco’s face was fading in and out of focus. I remember whisperings ‘please kiss me’ and the next thing I know is the feeling of Draco’s lips on mine. It made me forget the pain and despair reaching inside me. I could only feel his warm breath against mine, his lips pushing against mine, opening slightly and biting on my bottom lip. It was perfect. And I thought that this was not a bad way to go, with the boy I love kissing me.

 

Only Fawkes had another plan. He had landed next to us and was pushing Draco away from me. Draco fought it at first and then he was gone. Only his hand stayed entwined with mine. He said everything was going to be okay and I believed him. The pain was leaving me and I could open my eyes again. The world was coming back into focus and I could see Draco sitting next to me, a smile on his face. Fawkes had his head still on my arm and a pearly patch of tears was shining all around my wound, only there was no wound anymore. And then headmaster Dumbledore’s words came back to me, phoenix tears have healing powers. I wasn’t going to die. I was so happy that I leapt at Draco and found his lips again and this time I kissed him back with all my strength. We laughed and kissed and it was perfect. We were both going to be okay and Voldemort and the Basilisks were death.

 

After a while, we got up and walked with Fawkes on our tails out of the chamber back towards Ron. Ron had managed to move enough rocks in the time I was gone to make a gab where Draco and I could climb through. Professor Lockhart was also still there. Ron said his memory was gone, that Lockhart had no clue who he was or where he was.

 

For a moment none of us knew how we were going to go back up the long pipe, but Fawkes helped us out again. Draco was still holding my hand and Ron grabbed the back of my robes, holding Professor Lockhart’s hand with his free hand. I took hold of Fawkes tail feathers and then we flew upwards through the pipe. And when we reached the top I could see Professor Snape run into the bathroom with Neville on his heels. Myrtle expressed that she was disappointed I wasn’t dead and Draco gave her an angry stare.

 

And then Professor Snape pulled Draco and me in a hug. It was the weirdest thing that had happened all night. Professor Snape was hugging us and Ron and Neville were staring at us blankly. I must say I was glad when Professor Snape let go of us. It’s just weird, him hugging us.

 

He took us to headmaster Dumbledore’s office. Draco’s parents were there and it was clear that his mother had been crying. She took Draco in her arms as soon as we entered the office. Headmaster Dumbledore was also there, just like Professor McGonagall. The headmaster made Draco go to the hospital wing to get checked out and his parents went with him. And then they asked me to tell them what had happened. I told them everything, up till the moment that Professor Snape found us in the bathroom.

 

After that headmaster Dumbledore awarded Ron and I both Special Awards for Services to the School and he gave out points for the house cup. Neville got 100 points for finding help, Ron got 150 points for facing danger to save a friend and he gave me 200 points for bravery and courage to face the Basilisk to save the boy I love. Professor McGonagall escorted Ron and Neville back to their own common room and Professor Snape took Professor Lockhart to the hospital wing, leaving me alone with the headmaster. He first thanked me for showing real loyalty to him and then he told me something disturbing. The only reason why I can speak Parseltongue is because Lord Voldemort can, as a last remaining descendant of Salazar Slytherin. Headmaster Dumbledore thinks that Voldemort has transferred some of his own powers into me the night he killed you. I don’t know what to think of that. It scares me. I wondered if I was only Slytherin because of that part in Voldemort inside me since you both had been Gryffindors. Headmaster Dumbledore assured me that the hat would see more than just the little part of Voldemort that is inside me and that I myself had qualities that Salazar himself valued in his students, like my determination and cleverness. He also said that I cherish the once I love abidingly and unconditionally and that that was very Slytherin of me. And then he continued that I could have also been in Gryffindor because I also have a lot of traits that are part of that house, like my bravery (even though I don’t feel brave most of the time) and my heroic actions last year and now. And the fact that I had pulled Gryffindor’s sword out of the head should tell me that house placements aren’t as black and white as we would like to pretend. And that I shouldn’t worry about the small part of Voldemort inside me because that was not what made me the person that I am or determent my placement in Slytherin.

 

It was time to sleep after that and I was happy to see that Draco was also back in our dormitory and we could slip into my bed together. The next morning I woke with his arms around me and the news we would have a feast that afternoon to celebrate the end of the terror at Hogwarts.

 

The feast was amazing. The Mandrakes had matured so all the petrified people were there and Hermione had joined Draco and me at the Slytherin table. It was good to have her back and she was pleased to see that Draco and I were now boyfriends. Ron and Neville also joined us halfway through the feast. It was a bit awkward, seeing Ron and Hermione trying to be civil for my sake, but it was fun. Daphne was very interested in everything that had happened and Greg wanted a word by word account. And at the end of the feast, Hagrid walked into the Great Hall. I got up and ran towards him and hugged him, glad to have him back.

 

Sunday we had to get back to studying, because or exams have started since Tuesday. Hermione was in a panic on Sunday, afraid she wouldn’t do any good because she had missed so much while being petrified. Draco told her not to worry, that he had no problem with taking over her number one position. She hit him with a book after that and Daphne and I just laughed at them. Greg tried to cheer Hermione up by saying she would still do better than him and that just made her determent to tutor Greg for the rest of the Sunday afternoon.

 

Just one more week of exams and then we can relax until the results come in.

 

I have to go now, Draco is here and he is going to quiz me on Potions, to make sure I don’t mess up our practical exam on Monday.

 

Love you both,

 

Harry James Potter.


	30. Wednesday 23 June 1993

Wednesday 23 June 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

It’s a lovely day today. Exams are over and the results are in. I’ve done okay this year. My potions mark is an Exceeds Expectations and I still can’t believe it. I’ve got Acceptable on most of my exams and an Outstanding for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Draco’s marks are all Outstanding and he’s top of our class in all subjects except Charms where Hermione managed to beat him by a couple of points.

 

Right now we are hanging out with the Slytherin Quidditch team. It’s Terence his last week at Hogwarts and he just wanted to play around on a broom for a while. Woods, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain is trying to get his team together to do an impromptu match against our team this Saturday, just to end off the year with a nice match. The seventh years have missed Quidditch this year and are peeved that they didn’t have the chance to win the cup one last time. Only Marcus Flint will get another shot. He failed some of his N.E.W.T.’s he needs for his choice of profession, so he’s going to repeat seventh year next year.

 

I’ve been flying around with the team just now and they offered me a place on the team next year to replace Terence. Adrian and Marcus say that Terence is a good seeker, but that I have a natural talent that should not be going to waste. Terence even joked that he’s happy I didn’t try out this year since I would have kicked him off the team for sure. Miles agrees with him. Only Peregrine and Lucian don’t seem all that enthusiastic about me joining the team. They have been giving Draco and me some nasty looks. I don’t think they like the fact that our hands are always almost holding each other these days and Draco tends to rest his head on my shoulder or in my lap every chance he gets. But that’s their problem, it’s not like we are kissing in front of them or anything. We only kiss when there is nobody else around, or at night before we fall asleep. It’s nice to be able to kiss him, mom. I sometimes still can’t believe he’s my boyfriend now.

 

Last week, Draco and I had to come to Professor Snape’s office for a short talk. Nothing to worry about, he just wanted to make sure that we are both doing okay. I think we scared him good with almost dying a couple of times. He complimented me on my good marks for potions. And then he brought up our sleeping arrangements. It seems that Nott has been complaining. We had to promise Professor Snape that we would start using our own beds for now. We promised, but haven’t really kept to that promise. Now Draco just waits for everyone to fall asleep before he makes his way over to my bed. I’m glad he does that. I just sleep so much better with his arms around me.

 

Just when we were planning on leaving the door to Professor Snape’s office burst open so violently that it bounced back off the wall. Draco’s father was standing in the doorway, with a furious face. And cowering behind him, wrapped in bandages, was Dobby. Professor Snape greeted Draco’s father pleasantly. Draco hand had slipped out of mine as soon as his father had walked into the room and he was staring at the floor. For a moment I was afraid Draco would go back to ignoring me to please his father until his foot pushed against mine. He was just making sure his father wouldn’t have any reason for dragging him home this instant.

 

Draco’s father started to complain about headmaster Dumbledore first, saying it was scandalous that he had forced the other governors to sign for his reinstatement before he demanded an explanation about what had happened since Draco refused to tell him anything. He wanted to know who had been responsible for all the attacks this year. Professor Snape said it had been the Dark Lord, acting through somebody else, by means of a diary. Professor showed the destroyed diary to Draco’s father. When he did that Dobby started to point at the diary, then at Draco’s father and then he would hit himself on the head with his fist to punish himself.

 

Professor Snape continued to say that if I hadn’t gone down the Chamber to safe Draco (Draco’s father gave me a swift, sharp look at this point), Draco would have certainly died and maybe even more students after him. Dobby kept doing his weird pointing and hitting himself routine and suddenly it made sense. Draco hadn’t stumbled onto the diary by accident this summer; his father had planned for him to find it. So I took those little slivers of bravery inside of me and asked Mr Malfoy if he knew how Draco had gotten hold of that diary. Draco’s head snapped up at that next to me and I still regret that I couldn’t see his face. I just didn’t want to lose eye-contact with his father.

 

Draco’s father claimed he didn’t know how his son had gotten a hold on it. And then I accused him of leaving it in Draco’s room, knowing Draco would use it since he had forbidden him to communicate with anyone outside of the family. Draco’s father's white hands clenched and unclenched and he hissed: ‘prove it’. Draco’s hand then slit back into mine and he asked his father in a broken voice if he had done this to him, to his own son. Professor Snape got up from his chair, ready to step in if needed, but Draco’s father just said in a cold voice that Draco was no son of him and then turned around and kicked Dobby out of the room. I turned to Draco and tears were streaming down his face, but he looked determent. He asked Professor Snape if he could give the diary back to his father. Professor Snape seemed confused, but agreed and told us we could go back to our friends. Draco ran out of the office, pulled off his shoe and his somehow always clean white sock and stuffed the diary into it. He pulled his shoe back on and ran down the dark corridor towards the sounds of Dobby’s squeals of pain.

 

We caught up with them at the top of the stairs and Draco forced his sock into his father’s hands, telling him that he would still be his father no matter how much he would try to pretend he wasn’t. Mr Malfoy was looking at his son in disbelief, pulled the sock from the diary, throwing it towards Dobby and looked furiously from the ruined book to Draco. I had to swallow away the no I wanted to shout at Draco’s father’s response to it all. He said that Draco would be going to Durmstrang next year, to teach him some respect for his elders. And then he just walked off calling for Dobby to follow him.

 

Only Dobby didn’t move. He was holding up Draco’s sock and looking at it as though it were a priceless treasure. He said in wonderment that his master had given him a sock and that he was free. Mr Malfoy just stood there frozen, looking at Dobby, Draco and me and then he lunged at me, shouting I had stolen his son and his servant. And then there was a loud bang, Draco’s father was thrown backwards and Dobby shouted at him that he shall not harm Harry Potter. Draco’s father got up and pulled out his wand, but Dobby raised a long, threatening finger and told Draco’s father that he shall go now and that he shall not touch Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy. Draco’s father gave us one more incensed stare and then he swung his cloak around him and hurried out of sight.

 

Dobby turned towards Draco and gazed up at him and said: ‘Draco Malfoy freed Dobby! Draco Malfoy set Dobby free!’ Draco nodded at the elf, knelt down and embraced the smiling elf, telling him it was the least he could do. Dobby told Draco that he was a good man and that he was greater by far than Dobby knew. Then Dobby said his farewells and disappeared with a final loud crack.

 

As soon as Dobby was gone, Draco fell back on his backside and hit his face in his hands. He was trembling and crying so I sat down next to him and pulled him in my arms. We just stayed like that for a while until Draco lifted his head and looked into my eyes. And I know I shouldn’t find it beautiful when his eyes are all red and wet from crying, but I do, mom. I could look into his eyes all day long if I had the change.

 

Draco was scared of what was going to happen when he goes home. Is still scared I should say. His father is really angry with him and he’s afraid his mother won’t be able to convince his father to let him stay at Hogwarts instead of transferring to Durmstrang. And that is not even starting with that his father had placed the diary in his room, putting his own son in danger like that, or the fact that his father had said that he is no son of him. Draco doesn’t like talking about it and I understand that, but I just hate seeing him sad because his father can’t see how amazing his own son is.

 

Oh, and because Draco’s birthday was in the middle of exams we are going to celebrate it this Saturday. We are having a party in one of the unused classrooms in the dungeon to celebrate his and my birthday (since mine is during the summer and we are not sure if we can celebrate it together). All our friends are coming and Marcus and Terence have arranged that there will be music. Fred and George have promised to supply the food. It’s going to be amazing. I even got Draco a present. First I thought of buying him a new notebook to write in, but he’s afraid to write down any of his thoughts and feelings right now, so I lost that idea quickly. It’s hard to find a present for him because he already has everything. But I think I have found the perfect present. I will tell you what it is and if he liked it when I’m back at the Dursleys. Now I just want to enjoy the little time we still have left here at school since there is a big change that Draco won’t be coming back next year. But we will make it work somehow. We love each other and nobody is going to stop us from being together anymore.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.

 

 


	31. Saturday 16 July 1993

Saturday 16 July 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

I’m back at the Dursleys and the summer holiday is not even halfway done and I already want it to be done. As soon as I had come home Uncle Vernon had locked my spell-books, wand, cauldron and broomstick in the cupboard under the stairs. I have a lot of holiday homework I need to get done, so this was a big problem. And don’t be mad, but I picked the lock of the cupboard the first chance I had and grabbed the books I would need to do my homework. And now I study in the middle of the night. At least Hedwig is allowed to fly outside this year, so I can send and receive letters from my friends.

 

The last weekend at school was the best of the entire year. On Saturday morning Draco had to participate in an impromptu Quidditch match against Gryffindor. I went to watch it with all my friends and it was very exciting and fun, having both Gryffindors as Slytherin friends around me, screaming at each other in a friendly manner over the game. Ron and Greg are both very enthusiastic about Quidditch. Hermione and I just laughed at them half of the time for their crazy accusations of foul play. Blaise didn’t seem to be interested in the game at all and was talking with Daphne about summer holidays plans. Halfway to the game, Neville, Seamus and Dean joined us on the stands and joined in with the cheering for their house team.

 

I love watching Draco play. He’s really good and looks so beautiful on a broom. And now even more since he stopped putting so much grease in his hair and it falls more natural around his face. Mom, dad, I’m sorry, I’m hopelessly in love with him.

 

In the end, Slytherin won the match and Draco came to greet me with a sweaty kiss before heading to the showers. Daphne and Hermione wooed us and started laughing. Ron looked like he had just witnessed a murder being committed to the amusement of his brothers Fred and George (who are on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, but didn’t seem all that upset with losing, their captain Wood, on the other hand, walked away with an angry scroll as soon as the game was finished because Terence had caught the Snitch). Come to think of it, that was our first kiss in front of others, I hadn’t realised until now. I wonder if Draco thought about that.

 

When Draco came back all showered and cleaned up we spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out on the stands until it was time for dinner. During dinner, we all sat down together at the Gryffindor table this time and Blaise his friend Luna (who’s in Ravenclaw) and Ron’s little sister Ginny joined us. We almost all eat together now, either at the Slytherin or the Gryffindor table. I hope we keep doing that when next year starts. It’s good to see everyone getting along. And even better is the fact that nobody cares that Draco and my hand are entwined non-stop. I miss his hand in mine here at home. I miss him a lot. He hasn’t written to me yet and he said it would be better if I would wait with writing to him until he was sure his father wouldn’t destroy my letters before he would be able to read them.

 

That last Saturday, Draco and I also had a party for our birthdays in the evening. It was a big success. All our friends came and Terence had enchanted a gramophone to play music non-stop. Fred and George had somehow managed to steal food from the kitchens and we danced and eat till it was time to go back to our common rooms because of curfew. We also took the time to open up all the presents our friends had gotten us. Hermione had gotten me a Broomstick Servicing Kit, with a large jar of Fleetwood’s High-Finish Handle Polish, a pair of gleaming silver Tail-Twig Clippers, a tiny brass compass to clip on our broom for long journeys and a Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broom-care.  I know Draco was a bit jealous when he saw how happy I was with that present. The others had gotten me books about Quidditch or writing supplies. And Daphne had gotten me a scarf in Slytherin colours. Draco was also happy with his gifts that also included books about Quidditch, an identical scarf as mine and hair products. We ended with the gifts we had gotten each other and I was very nervous when I handed mine to Draco. He unpacked it and just stared at it for a long time without saying anything and I was afraid he didn’t like it until he looked at me with tears in his eyes saying it was perfect. According to Hermione, it was so cute to see us smile at each other like the world was perfect.

 

I had asked Dean to make a drawing of Draco and me. He draws with normal Muggle pencils, so the pictures don’t move, but he captured us in a happy perfect moment. And I’m so happy that Draco likes it. He said he will keep it under his pillow all summer so he can look it every time he misses me and can’t sleep because I’m not in his arms.

 

And his present for me was also perfect. My last letter I had to scrawl the last lines on the back cover of my notebook since I had ran out of pages and Draco has bought me a new notebook. It’s from a Muggle store, to make sure there would be no evil spirit in it to hurt us. And Draco has decorated it with magic so the cover changes colour according to my mood when I pick it up. It’s really awesome and just what I needed. He also got me a quill and ink set to write with. Hermione told me it’s a really expensive set and that I should cherish it. I told her that even if had been the cheapest quill in the world it would still be the quill I would cherish the most.

 

Before I knew it, it was already the 1st of July and we were on our way back to London with the Hogwarts Express. Our little group shared two compartments, walking in and out of them since one was too small to hold all of us. Daphne and Hermione are starting to become friends, talking about things girls find interesting and we boys don’t care about. We played Exploding Snap and practised disarming each other by magic. And at some point, Draco and I left them all alone to find an empty compartment so we could kiss some more before we would reach King Cross. I just hope it won’t be our last kiss for a long time and that we can find a way to see each other this summer, or at least that Draco will come back to Hogwarts in September and I can see him again. I wish he would write to me and tell me how things are going at his house.

 

Draco didn’t want to leave the train when we arrived at King Cross. He was afraid to face his father. He had written to his mother about what had happened in the last weeks of school and he hadn’t heard back from her and that scared him. It’s not normal for his mother to not write back. I told him that everything would be okay, that I would still love him even if he would go to Durmstrang. That we could write letters if that would happen and that we would find a way to see each other. What I didn’t tell him, was that I dread it just as much as him if we would not be at the same school anymore and that I’m scared of losing him over all this. Letting go of his hand before we stepped off the train was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, not knowing when I’ll be able to hold it again. But I need to believe we will be okay. I need us to be.

 

I still have bad days, where everything just seems to be too much. Draco gives me the strength to face those days and without him here, well some days I don’t leave my room at all. The Dursleys don’t care, they are happy to see as little as possible of me. Miss Davis has given me some exercises to do this summer that will help me fight the negative thoughts. She says they are Muggle techniques, so they don’t acquire me to use magic. I have to write down all my negative thoughts I have in a notebook she has given to me and then write behind them why they are not true and what I can think about instead to make it better. And I also have to write down when something good happens, so I can remember all the good things in my life when I’m having a bad day. I haven’t written down a lot of things yet since I’ve been mostly just been alone here. Writing down the negative thoughts is easier until I have to figure out why they aren’t true and what I should think instead. But I’m trying and that is all Miss Davis asked of me.

 

I’ll keep you informed of how my holiday is going and will let you know as soon as I know how Draco is doing.

 

Love you both,

 

Harry James Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  If you are interested in what Draco wrote in Tom's Diary all year, you should read 'Dear Harry / Forever Yours, Draco', the second part of the Letters to my Parents series 


	32. Thursday 5 Augustus 1993

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait everyone, moving countries takes up more time and stresses you out more than I expected. I'm back on the writing wagon now and hope to post a new chapter at least every two weeks. But I can't promise a regular schedule, real life still takes priority.

Thursday 5 Augustus 1993

 

Dear mom and dad,

 

I ran away from home yesterday. Don’t get mad, please. It’s just that Aunt Marge came to visit. She’s a horrible person. And I kind of lost my temper when she insulted you both. The week had started off so good. On the night of my birthday, I received a letter from Draco, the first one this summer. He was okay and still allowed to go to Hogwarts the coming school year. He said it had helped that Hermione hadn’t had enough time to study for her exams, making it possible for him to become the top of our class. It had helped his mother to convince his father. Not that they are on speaking turns. Draco says they are fighting all the time. He hides away in his wing of the house (I still can’t believe he has his own wing, I’m already glad I finally have my own room) to avoid them the best he can.

 

Included with Draco’s letter was my first ever birthday card. I placed it on my bedside table while I read his letter. But I was interrupted a couple of times. Firstly by Hedwig who came back with a birthday card from Hermione. She’s in France, enjoying her holiday by learning about the local history of witchcraft. A little later Ron’s family owl Errol showed up with a card from Ron. He is in Egypt with his family after they won the Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw. Ron is also getting a new wand next year, which is good because that broken wand of his causes more problems than it solves.

 

I also received a card from Greg. His family didn’t go on holiday, says they haven’t for years. Not since his brother died anyway. I still need to ask him about that and tell him I’m sorry. My trying to kill myself brought back a lot of nasty memories for him. He told me he’s been to visit Draco once this holiday and that Draco looks to be doing okay. He only talks about me all the time now I’m not around him. Greg begged me to tell him to stop obsessing about me so they can talk about Quidditch and stuff.

 

Hagrid send me a card that included a present. And off course, it was no ordinary present. I hadn’t even unwrapped it fully when the parcel quivered and started to snap loudly. I took my lamp and raised it over my head so I could strike if it was necessary and then pulled off the rest of the wrapping paper. A large book fell out of it with a beautiful green cover. Before the book scuttled sideways and then fell off the bed with a loud clunk I could read the title, written in golden letters. The monster book of Monsters it said. The book hid under my desk. When I tried to grab it, it snapped shut on my hand. When it tried to escape I jumped on it and then held it closed with a belt tightly buckled around it.

 

Together with Hagrid’s package came also my Hogwarts letter for the coming year. It was the normal stuff, informing me that the school year will start on the 1st of September and a list with the books and supplies I will need. But it also included a permission form to visit Hogsmeade. That made me a little sad because there was no way Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia were going to sign it for me.

 

By then it was already two o’clock when I could sit down in peace with my flashlight and the letter Draco had sent me. I read it a couple of times until I almost knew every word by heart. As I said, he’s hiding out in his own wing. He finished all his homework in the first week of the holiday and is now reading this interesting book about potions. He misses me a lot, says it’s weird to sleep alone in his massive bed. His mother is taking him to Diagon Alley to get his supplies the Sunday before school starts and he hopes I can go that day as well, so we can finally see each other again. He misses kissing me. And to be honest, so do I. His lips are always so soft. I dream about them at night. 

 

The next morning Aunt Marge came to visit. You know I’ve told you about her before. She’s Uncle Vernon’s sister, the one and only bulldog breeder. She was the one that beat me with her walking stick on Dudley’s fifth birthday to stop me from winning musical statues. And a few years later she gave me dog biscuits for Christmas. And the year before I went to Hogwarts I accidentally (and maybe a little bit on purpose) I stepped on the tail of her favourite dog. The beast had chased me into a tree and Aunt Marge didn’t call him off until long after midnight. And now that nightmare was visiting again, for a whole week. It was the worst birthday present I ever got from the Dursleys.

 

So for an entire week, I had to pretend that I went to St. Brutus’s Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys, was not allowed to do any ‘funny’ stuff and I was to keep a civil tongue when talking to her. I woke up Hedwig as soon as Uncle Vernon left to tell her to go stay at the Weasley’s for a week, that it wouldn’t be safe for her to stay with Aunt Marge around. I’m sure one of her dogs would go after her. After that, I made sure all my cards and letters from friends, just like my schoolbooks were put away safely.

 

And it was a nightmare, from start to finish. First, she said that if I had been dropped on her doorstep she would have sent me straight to an orphanage. Then Uncle Vernon made me pretend that they use the cane at St. Brutus to please Aunt Marge, who assumed straight away that I probably got beaten all the time. The next couple of days Aunt Marge made sure I stayed close so she could compare me to Dudley and to boom out suggestions for my improvement.

 

On the third day of her visit, she crossed a line. She told Uncle Vernon that it was not his fault that I turned out o be an unsatisfactory person. That if there was something rotten on the inside, there was nothing anyone can do. I had to fight tears when she said that, it reminded me of all the bullying that I had received in my first and the start of second year at Hogwarts. She continued by comparing me to her breeding dogs. She said that if there was something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup. I got so upset when she said that. I could feel my magic flare through me and Aunt Marge her wineglass exploded in her hands. It didn’t seem to bother her at all, she thought she had just squeezed it too hard. I fled the room after that, afraid I would get another warning from the Ministry about using magic outside of school.

 

The warning never came, but the insults from Aunt Marge continued. And then yesterday, just after dinner when Aunt Marge was hammered from the wine she turned on me again. Told me I had a mean, runty look, just like some dogs. And then she told us that she had Colonel Fubster drown one of her dogs last year because it was weak. I looked down at my hands when she continued, small tears falling from my eyes. She went on, explaining it all comes down o blood and that Aunt Petunia’s sister was a bad egg. That she was stupid to run off with a wastrel and that I was the result of that. She then asked what you did for a living, dad and Uncle Vernon said you were unemployed. And then Aunt Marge just went on, saying you were a no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger and I just snapped. I pushed my chair back, stood up and screamed at her that you were not. She laughed at me, joked about the tears I was shedding and then she suggested that you died because you were driving drunk I couldn’t take it and yelled that you didn’t die in a car crash. This made Aunt Marge angry, she, of course, doesn’t know the truth and still believes you dying in a car crash is the trued. She called me a nasty little liar, an insolent, ungrateful little something. She couldn’t finish her sentence, her body was swelling, her face expanded, her tiny eyes bulged, and her mouth stretched too tightly for speech. Then the buttons from her tweed jacket burst. She just kept swelling. I knew I was doing it, but I couldn’t stop it. I was so angry. I’ve never been that angry before, it scared me a little.

 

I don’t know what happened to Aunt Marge after that, I ran out of the room towards the cupboard under the stairs. The door burst open before I reached it. I think I did that too with my magic. I took my trunk out of the cupboard and then raced upstairs to grab the pillowcase with my books, letters and birthday cards. I sprinted back down and placed the pillowcase in my trunk. At that moment Uncle Vernon came into the hallway and ordered me to come back and put her right. I don’t know why, but I wanted to hurt Uncle Vernon at that moment. I grabbed my wand and pointed it at him. For a couple of seconds, I wanted to jinx him, to hurt him and punish him like he used to punish me. And then I thought of Draco and how disappointed he would be if I wouldn’t show up at school because I was in jail. And I thought of you, knowing you wouldn’t want me to hurt anyone. So I just opened the door behind me and left without saying a word.

 

It took me a while to calm down. Dragging along my heavy trunk helped with that. When I reached Magnolia Crescent I collapsed onto a low wall. It didn’t take long before I started to panic then. I was sure I would get expelled from Hogwarts because I did magic and even harmed a Muggle doing so. I was afraid I was going to get arrested, or outlawed from the wizarding world. And that made me think of Draco, and how I would have to leave him if that was true. I couldn’t force Draco to leave the wizarding world, he knows nothing about Muggles and their ways. I started to cry again, wishing I could be with Draco at that moment. I needed him more than ever.

 

After another while, I decided that since I would already get expelled I would just use some more magic to bewitch the trunk to make it feather-light. That way I could tie it to my broomstick, cover myself with the invisibility cloak and then fly to London to get my money from Gringotts and start my life as an outcast. I opened my trunk to look for the cloak when I felt like someone was watching me. I looked at the black alleyway behind me, even used a Lumos to see it better. And that is when I saw it, a hulking outline of something very big, with wide, gleaming eyes. It scared me to death. I stepped backwards, I hit my trunk and tripped. My wand slipped out of my hand and then there was this massive bang sound and I was surrounded by blinding lights.

 

I yelled and rolled back onto the pavement, just before a purple triple-decker bus stopped beside me. The name ‘The Knight Bus’ was spelt in gold lettering over the windshield. A conductor leapt out of the bus and introduced himself as Stan Shunpike. He spoke loudly into the thin air until he noticed that I was sitting on the ground. I got back up, looked for the massive black dog I had seen only moments before, but it was gone.

 

It turns out the Knight Bus can take stranded wizards and witches anywhere they need. I didn’t want to put too much attention on me so I pretended my name was Greg Goyle. I’m sure Greg won’t mind, I’m sure he will find this story funny once Draco tells him when he goes back to school. It would take me 14 Sickles to get to Malfoy Manor in Wiltshire, so I looked for my last coins and paid Stan. He helped me get my trunk into the bus and off we were. Stan wanted to know why I wanted to go to the Malfoy’s and I told him that I knew Draco Malfoy from Hogwarts and that I was going to stay with them for a while because my mother wasn’t feeling well. Luckily they believed my story and didn’t ask any other questions.

 

The Knight Bus doesn’t have normal seats, instead, it’s filled with half a dozen brass bedsteads. Once I set down on mine the bus took off with another loud bang. It threw me back flat on my bed because of the speed of the bus. I felt really nervous on the bus. The driver, Ernie wasn’t a very good one. We kept mounting the pavement, only the bus didn’t hit anything. Everything jumped out of the way of the bus as it approached and back into position once it had passed.

 

I couldn’t sleep, so I took the Daily Prophet that Stan offered me. On the front page was a large photo of Sirius Black, an escaped prisoner. I had also seen him on the Muggle news. It turns out he murdered thirteen people with a single curse twelve years ago. He looked just like a vampire in the picture. Stan saw me looking and told me that Black had been a big supporter of Voldemort. And once Voldemort was gone and he was cornered In the middle of a street he blasted half the street apart, killing one wizard and a dozen Muggles. And after that, he just stood there and laughed, like it was one big joke. It seems that this Black is off his head. And he’s the first one ever to break out of Azkaban.

 

After all the other wizards and witches had left the bus we came to a stop on a small country road. Stan said we were at Malfoy Manor. When I got out I could see a large hedge stretching in both directions. In front of us was a gravel driveway, and the large hedge curved with it and continued alongside the driveway. I took my trunk and started my way up this driveway until I reached a large iron gate. The gate contorted into a face and asked me if I knew what time it was. I told it, that I was sorry for bothering him that late, but that I really needed to speak to Draco Malfoy. The gate informed me that the young master Draco had already gone to bed and that I would have to come back after sunrise. I tried to convince the gate that I had nowhere to go, but it wouldn’t let me pass. After a while, the face disappeared and I was stranded in front of the gate. I set down on my trunk and tried to think of a way to let Draco know that I was at his house. No good ideas came to mind and after a while, I felt stupid for even thinking I could just rock up at Malfoy Manor and that everything would be okay. Draco’s father hates me after all and me showing up, as a criminal, won’t help matters much for Draco.

 

I decided to turn around, walk back to the road and call for the Knight Bus again and go to London. I could wait till morning and then get my money and disappear. I would write to Draco and tell him what happened and maybe meet up with him somewhere to say goodbye.

 

Just as I started walking someone stepped through the gates. I looked around and saw Draco’s mother Narcissa standing with her arms folded around her. She was wearing a long black jacket and a purple scarf. She asked me if I was leafing already and pointed out that Draco would be very disappointed when he would hear I didn’t even stay to say hello in the morning. I couldn’t help myself, I started crying again at that point. All the tension and fear leaping out of me at once. Draco’s mother was very kind, she hugged me and told me it was all going to be okay. She guided me through the gates, it was very weird, they didn’t open at all, just turned into some black smoke and were back being a solid gate once we passed it. The rest of the driveway was shielded by the large hedge all the way up to the house. It was dark, so I couldn’t see it properly, but I knew it was larger than any house I’ve ever seen before. I hope I get to see it a bit better later today, but for now, I’m stuck in Draco’s wing to make sure that his father doesn’t see me.

 

Narcissa brought me to a room on the first floor that held a bed and some other small furniture. She order a house elf to get me something to drink and eat and then made sure I told her what had happened. She told me I could sleep here for now, but that it wasn’t wise to keep me at the manor since Lucius still didn’t approve of me and Draco’s relationship. She told me Draco was only two doors away, asleep in his own bed. I can’t believe how kind Narcissa is, she insisted I call her that, that miss Malfoy makes her sound old. And I like it when she smiles at me, it reminds me of Draco’s smiles.

 

Once Narcissa had left me alone to sleep I crept out of the room to find Draco’s bedroom. It wasn’t hard at all and I was stunned by how big it was. Draco has a king-sized bed. It’s fairly simple, just a bed base with a mattress on top of it. Now that I’ve seen it in the light of day it really looks amazing. It has two simple black boxes next to it as bedside tables and a large desk stands on the other side of the room. One of his walls is filled with Quidditch posters and the picture of us together that Dean made for him is really stuck underneath Draco’s pillow. And Draco has a walk-in closet filled with all his clothes. Oh, and he has a massive en suite bathroom with a massive bath and a cabinet filled with all his crazy hair products.

 

Of course, Draco was really surprised to see me sneak into his room yesterday, but he didn’t hesitate for one moment, he just lifted his blanket and let me crawl into bed with him. He asked me if he was dreaming. I told him I was really here. Then he asked me why I was at his house and I told him that I had run away and that I was afraid that I won’t be going back to Hogwarts because I did magic. Draco said it would be okay, that the Ministry would understand that it was an accident and that I shouldn’t worry. He kissed me then and that made my worries ebb away. I fell asleep in his arm and woke up with him staring at me. It was really nice.

 

Narcissa came to look for us in the early morning and wasn’t even upset when she found me in her son’s bed. She told us to stay in Draco’s wing until Lucius would have left for the day. She told us the elves would bring us breakfast and now we’re just waiting for it to arrive. Draco keeps asking me when I’m going to put my book down an pay him some attention. I told him I had to tell you all about what happened and he stopped complaining after that. He’s reading a book right now, his hand entwined with mine on the bed. I’m really happy I’m here now and somehow I’m not that worried anymore about what is going to happen next.

 

I will let you both know as soon as I do what is going to happen now. If I get expelled or not and if I can stay here for the rest of the summer. I really hope I can.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter


	33. Wednesday 18 Augustus 1993

Wednesday 18 Augustus 1993

 

Dear mom and dad,

 

Everything turned out okay. I’m not staying at Draco’s anymore, which makes me a little sad, but I’m good. Draco’s mother contacted her sister and asked her if I could stay with her for the rest of the summer. Draco was really surprised by this. According to him, his mother hasn’t spoken to his aunt Andromeda in years, not since Andromeda married Ted Tonks. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now and it’s really nice. Mrs Tonks is a kind woman and her husband Mr Tonks is really funny. They have a daughter that is busy with her Auror training. Her name is Nymphadora, but she wants me to call her Tonks. Its something she and her mother fight about a lot. Tonks is a metamorphmagus and she likes to turn her hair bright pink. I’ve seen it in the morning, in its natural colour and I don’t get why she likes to make it bright pink. I think it’s just a bit too much.

 

And I’m sure you will also be glad to hear that I’m not in trouble for all that happened with Aunt Marge. I’m not getting expelled or have to go to jail. The day after I ran away, an owl from the Ministry came to Malfoy Manor. The Minister had written it personally to tell me that they had dealt with the unfortunate blowing-up of Aunt Marge. Two members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad had punctured her and modified her memory. It also said I could go back to live with my Aunt and Uncle next summer, as long as I stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas and Easter holiday. Not that I ever go back for those holidays, but who cares. I’ll have to go back next year. Even Mrs Tonks says it is better for me to stay with family. Right now I don’t really care, I’m not expelled and I have three Dursley-free weeks before school starts.

 

The Minister had arranged that I could stay at the Leaky Cauldron for the rest of the holiday, but Draco’s mom and Mrs Tonks wrote back to the Minister, telling him that I would stay with the Tonks family until term starts. They were very worried about my safety. Saying it was irresponsible to leave a thirteen-year stay alone at an inn. Especially with Sirius Black on the loose. Nobody wants to explain to me why I would be in danger of a criminal that was arrested when I was just a baby. The only thing Draco and I found out until now is that Sirius Black used to be friends with you, dad. Draco’s mom let that slip before Mrs Tonks shut her up, saying it was not important and that it was nothing we should worry about.

 

Draco comes by on the weekends. His mother won’t let him stay all the time. I get that she wants to spend time with her son before he goes back to school, it’s just that I miss him when he’s not here. I love talking to him, and kissing him. Mrs Tonks lets him sleep in my room when he’s here. I sleep much better with Draco against my back. I’ll be glad when we’re back at Hogwarts and Draco can crawl into my bed every night.

 

I’ve told Draco about the visit of Aunt Marge, and he told me I missed a perfect opportunity to take advantage of the situation. He told me I should have played Uncle Vernon, tricking him into signing my permission slip for Hogsmeade. In return for behaving around Aunt Marge. Off course it wouldn’t have worked, since I kind of blow her up and everything. But Draco is convinced it could have worked, that it would have helped me keep my temper. I told him that if I hadn’t lost my temper we wouldn’t have seen each other at all this holiday. And Draco agrees with me that would have been horrible and that our current situation is preferable.

 

We’ve been flying around in the fields behind Mr & Mrs Tonks house. It’s nice to practice together for the coming Quidditch season at Hogwarts. I’m really looking forward to being a part of the Quidditch team together with Draco. And so is Draco, he won’t shut up about it in the letters he writes me. We write almost every day. When his owl comes to deliver his letter I can’t help but smile. Tonks says it’s super cute, Mrs Tonks says it’s heart-warming and Mr Tonks just tells me to make sure that Draco will always know how much I love him. He’s a bit of a sap, Mr Tonks. He buys flowers for Mrs Tonks every other day.

 

I wish it was already Saturday so I can kiss Draco again. If I could I would kiss him all the time. Mom, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I’m only thirteen, and that this is way too young to settle down with someone, but I don’t think there ever will be someone else for me. Just the idea of living without Draco, no I don’t even want to think about it. He’s the love of my life, I will do anything I can to make him happy.

 

Mrs Tonks is calling me, so I have to go and help set the table. Talk to you soon.

 

Love,

 

Harry James Potter


	34. Monday 30 Augustus 1993

Monday 30 Augustus 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

I can’t believe it’s only two more nights before I go back to Hogwarts for my third year. It’s the first time since starting that I’m really looking forward to it. I just know it’s going to be a good year. Draco and I are dating and I will join the Quidditch team. I’m going to be an athlete. Who would ever think that? Dad, did you play Quidditch? I wish I knew or knew someone who could tell me. At least this last month of the summer holiday has been good. Mr and Mrs Tonks already promised me that they would chat with headmaster Dumbledore if there is a way for me to spend more of my holidays with them. Draco’s mom and they both agree it’s unhealthy for me to stay with the Dursleys for long periods of time.

 

This Saturday Draco and his mother met Mrs Tonks and me in Diagon Alley to do all our shopping for this school year. I wrote to Hermione and she promised to come as well. Our first stop was Quality Quidditch Supplies. Draco had told me about the new broom that came out just two weeks ago: the Firebolt. We went to go take a look and had to manoeuvre around other people to take a good look at it. It’s a beautiful broom and has an acceleration of 150 miles an hour in ten seconds. The Irish International Side is going to use them this season. I wish I was bold enough to buy myself one, but my Nimbus 2001 is a perfectly good broom. Draco begged his mother for one. I’ve never seen Draco beg like that before. He really uses all his little tricks, teary pleading eyes, promises of studying hard and buying his mother the best Christmas present ever. It didn’t work though. His mother told him he just got a new broom last year that will be just fine. Draco was a bit cranky after that. But not for long after I pulled him into a little nook and give him a proper kiss, he was smiling again after that.

 

We both got new ropes at Madam Malkin’s, standing next to each other while she fitted us. We had to laugh about how that is where we first met and how we both got the wrong idea about who the other is. Draco’s mom made sure that I got the same quality robes as Draco, they are way better than the ones I had last year. Not itchy at all. Draco’s mom also ordered some basic clothes for me at Madam Malkin’s, and she promised to send them to Hogwarts as soon as they are finished. Draco says I’m finally going to look sharp.

 

Next stop was Flourish and Blotts to get our new books. Here we met up with Hermione after Draco and I had words for the first time. I found out he added an extra class to his schedule, namely Care of Magical Creatures. The idiot did it because he knew I wanted to have all my classes with him. The fact that he’s terrified of Magical Creatures makes this the worst decision he ever made, even worse than ignoring me for almost an entire year. I told him he was stupid and he threw back that he did it for me. I don’t want him to do things like that for me. I know it is because he still worries about me. I think he’s still scared that if my life isn’t perfect I’ll do something stupid. I hate myself for giving him that fear.

 

The manager of Flourish and Blotts wasn’t happy that he had to get two more Monster Book of Monsters for Hermione and Draco. I found out that I already have it, it was Hagrid’s birthday present for me. The manager had to put on a pair of very thick gloves and used a large, knobbly walking stick to get the books out of their cage. He was happy that he only had to catch two and not three. All three of us also bought Unfogging the future for Divination and Draco got the books he needs for Ancient Ruins. Hermione had to buy so many books and she loved them. She’s taking Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures, Divination, Ancient Runes and Muggle Studies. Draco said that was impossible, but Hermione showed us her book list from Hogwarts and the books were really on there.

 

Off course we also had to get all the books for our standard subjects like Intermediate Transfiguration and The Standard Book of Spells Grade Three. When we got at the Tonks home after our shopping Draco spent the first hour going through the books, looking up things he finds interesting. He’s a nerd from time to time, he just doesn’t like it when I point that out.

 

We went to the Apothecary to replenish our store of potions ingredients. Draco helped us to pick the perfect ones, told me off when I just pick the ones on top without inspecting them. He loved helping me, hanging over me and touching all the time. Hermione wanted to know all about my troubles during the holidays with my family and was amazed I wasn’t expelled. I told her I was too, that for a little moment I was scared I would be sent to jail for what I did. This made Draco laugh, joking that it would make the news if the Boy Who Lived would be incarcerated. After that Draco asked Hermione how France was and she told us all about the interesting wizard history there.

 

Hermione had gotten money from her parents to get an early birthday present and she wanted to get an owl. She loves Hedwig and is always grateful she’s allowed to use her whenever she needs to, but she would like to have an owl of her own. So we went to a magical creature shop where we bumped into Ron and Neville. Ron was there to get his rat Scabbers checked over, said Egypt hadn’t agreed with him. The witch behind the counter was busy with another wizard so we waited. Draco moved very close to me, almost hiding behind my back when we looked at all the amazing creatures in the cages. There was a pair of enormous purple toads, a gigantic tortoise with a jewel-encrusted shell and poisonous orange snails. Cages filled with owls and ravens was where Hermione took off to find herself an owl, Ron on her heels, chatting to her. Neville said that Ron wants to try to start dating Hermione again. But after today, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.

 

Ron showed Scabbers to the witch at the counter while we looked at the owls. When he was busy a huge orange cat jumped on his head and then propelled itself, spitting madly, at Scabbers. Scabbers took off, fleeing out of the door and Ron and Neville chased after it. Hermione squealed and went to take a better look at the cat the witch had called Crookshanks. It was like she fell in love right there. Safe to say, she bought the cat and not an owl and of course that upset Ron. Ron called it a monster when they caught up with us again. And Hermione told him to shut up, said that Crookshanks was gorgeous. She was glowing and Draco and I had to suppress our laughter. Ron was replaced by a big orange cat that hates his rat.

 

After we did all our shopping we went to get some ice-cream at Florean Fortescue’s. Draco’s mom and Mrs Tonks went to sit at their own table, to chat and catch up. Draco is still surprised about that. He never really knew Mrs Tonks, who’s his aunt, because she was cast out of the family after she married a Muggle-born wizard. I like that somehow my little misdemeanour caused them reconnecting. Florean himself brought us our ice-creams and asked us about the coming school year. Hermione mentioned our essay about medieval witch burnings and she and Florean got into a discussion about that, giving me and Draco some time to just stare at each other and smile a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled this much before in my life. I like it.

 

We had dinner at the Leaky Cauldron. The five of us ate our way through five delicious courses. Draco’s mother was a bit hesitant to eat there, but Mrs Tonks promised her it was good food and that it was nice to not have to think about which fork to use. After dinner, we were all full and sleepy. Hermione her parents came to pick her up and the rest of used the floo to get back home. Draco is staying with at the moment. His father is off on some business trip and won’t notice that he’s not at home. His mother is also here at the Tonks. I think she really loves hanging out with her sister.

 

I must be honest, I never expected Draco’s mother to be as kind as she is. I don’t know why I thought she would be mean. Draco has a kind heart. He might like to hide it but deep down he’s the sweetest person I know. He must have gotten it from someone, and since his dad is a scary guy it’s not weird his mother is this nice. She keeps stroking her hand over Draco’s hair that is getting longer every day. It reaches his chin by now. I think it looks very good, the longer hair. I also like touching it, just like Draco’s mother.

 

But the main reason I wanted to write to you today is that I overheard Mr Tonks, Mrs Tonks, Nymphadora and Draco’s mother fighting. Mr Tonks said it made no sense not to tell me, that I have a right to know. But Mrs Tonks and Draco’s mother agreed that the trued would terrify me. Nymphadora said they had to stop treating me like a little kid. And Mr Tonks yelled it was for a reason why Dora had to come along to escort me to the train tomorrow, that I had the right to know that I might be in danger. Mrs Tonks yelled back that Sirius was a mad man and that there was no way he would get into Hogwarts. Dora then told them all that the ministry is no nearer to catching Black and that the man managed to escape from Azkaban, and that’s supposed to be impossible. Draco’s mother then said that Sirius wouldn’t dare to go to Hogwarts with Dumbledore there so that I would be safe. They went back and forth a little longer until they agreed that it was better I didn’t know that Sirius Black might want to kill me.

 

It scares me, dad, that this man might want to kill me. I don’t want to die anymore. I’m happy and I just want to have a fun year at Hogwarts with my friends and boyfriend. And why would this man want to kill me? Draco’s mother had said he used to be your friend. Well if he was a real friend he would never come after me, wouldn’t he? I wish you were here to tell me. I miss you.

 

Draco is hanging over my shoulder now, reading what I’ve just written down and I just want to lay in his arm for a while. I’ll write to you soon, tell you all about my new subjects and stuff.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter


	35. Thursday 2 September 1993

Thursday 2 September 1993

Dear mom and dad,

 

Today my therapy started up again. Miss Davis wasn’t all that impressed with the notes I made during the holidays. When I was still at the Dursleys I really tried to fill it all in, but once I was at the family Tonks I never thought about it again. I was just having a very good time. There was no lingering in bed because I had to show up dressed for the day for breakfast. Also, I was always busy, either with homework and chores or fun stuff, like helping Mrs Tonks with her research or grooming my broom.

 

I told Miss Davis that I’m good and that I don’t think I need any more therapy. She didn’t agree with me, so I still have to come back every Thursday after my classes and before dinner. It’s really annoying because I also have Quidditch practice at that time. I told Miss Davis this and she would look if she can find another afternoon to do this. Draco said Marcus wasn’t happy I wasn’t there for the first training this afternoon and that he would go look for another Seeker is I miss practice once a week. After dinner, Draco and I went to speak with Professor Snape and he assured me that he would take care of it. I hope he does because I would hate to be kicked off the team before I even get the change to really play.

 

Miss Davis wanted to talk about the train ride to Hogwarts. Something big happened and she wanted to know all about it. I didn’t even have a chance jet to tell you and I didn’t feel like talking about it to her. But she made me, anyway. She kept asking questions until I opened up a little. I didn’t tell her all, Draco knows everything and I want to tell you, but I’m not okay with sharing it with anyone else. It’s not like it made me all depressed again. I’m doing really good and I’m happy. So you don’t need to worry.

 

The morning of the 1st of September started really good. I woke up wrapped in Draco’s arms. We kissed some until Dora banged at our door telling us that we had 5 minutes till breakfast. We hurried to get dressed for the day, eat breakfast and hurried to the floo with our suitcases. Hedwig was being difficult, she didn’t want to go into her cage until Draco promised her that we give her treats every hour on the train. We use the floo to go to a special room at King Cross for wizard families to arrive by floo to catch the train.

 

Once on platform 9 3/4, we met up with Hermione, Blaise and Daphne. We found an almost empty carriage at the back of the train. We loaded our trunks onto it and stowed Hedwig, Crookshanks and Draco’s new owl Dopey. It’s a silly owl and still very young. His mother gave it to him so he can send her letters without his father noticing. Draco gave it the name Dopey after he read the story of Snow-White in a fairytale book he borrowed from Hermione. He says his owl is just like trustful and silly Dopey from the story. I think it’s just funny he named his owl after a Muggle fairytale dwarf. Blaise doesn’t get it, he thinks Draco lost his mind.

 

We said goodbye to Mrs and Mr Tonks and Draco’s mother. I thanked them all for helping me out this summer. Mrs Tonks and Draco’s mom both hugged me and told me to be good. I promised them I would and then we had to hurry back into the train. We joined Hermione, Daphne and Blaise in their compartment and were joined a little later by Greg and Luna Lovegood. She’s the girl Blaise fancies, but he’s too afraid to tell her that he kind of likes her. She’s in her second year now and is kind of weird, but very kind. Hermione likes it that she hangs out with us, so she isn’t the only non-Slytherin in our little group.

 

After everyone told their stories of what they had been up to during the summer the subject of Hogsmeade came up. Hermione had read about it and was off course fascinated to go visit a town that is entirely non-Muggle. Greg just wants to go to Honeydukes, a sweetshop that sells everything. Draco looked at me and give me a sweet smile and told me that it was okay, that he would stay with me in the castle when everyone goes to explore Hogsmeade. Blaise overheard us and asked us why I couldn’t go. I told them my guardians didn’t sign the permission form. Greg said Professor Snape might be able to sign it for me so I could come with them all. I don’t think he will since Black is after me and wants to kill me, there is no way the professors are going to let me go to Hogsmeade.

 

We had a great time with our friends on the train. At one point Hermione let Crookshanks out of his cage and Luna fell in love with the cat. Not long after that, Ron, Neville, Seamus and Dean came by. Crookshanks jumped at Ron’s pocket straight away, somehow knowing that is where he keeps Scrabbers, his rat. Ron was all upset and the Gryffindor boys left soon after that.

 

After some time, Draco pulled me to my feet and we left everyone behind to go look for an empty compartment. We couldn’t find any, but there was one compartment with a sleeping adult in it. The man was wearing an extremely shabby set of wizard’s robes and looked ill and exhausted. In the luggage rack was a case with his name on it, Professor R.J. Lupin. He’s our new professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts. We had our first lesson with him this afternoon and it was really good. I think we finally have a professor for Defence that knows what he’s doing.

 

But on the train, he was fast asleep and that was good enough for us. Draco pushed me on the other seat and knelt on my lap before his lip found mine. We kissed for a long time. It’s like the world disappears around us when his lips are on mine. It’s the best feeling in the world. We didn’t notice the train slowing down or stopping at all. When we met up with the others again they told us how they fell over each other when the train suddenly stopped and how scared the ladies were when the lights went out. We only noticed that something was wrong when Professor Lupin asked who was there. I opened my eyes and noticed it was all dark around us. Draco wondered out loud if we had been snugging all the way to Hogwarts. Professor Lupin snickered and told him we hadn’t arrived but had made a sudden stop along the way. Draco hid his face in the crook of my neck and I petted his hair. I’m sure his face was just as red as mine, being caught by a teacher snugging is not something you want to do.

 

Professor Lupin made some light that illuminated his tired, grey face. He told us to stay where we were and moved towards the door. Only the door slid open before Lupin could reach it. In the doorway stood a cloaked figure that towered to the ceiling. Its face was completely hidden beneath its hood. It drew a long, slow, rattling breath and I got very cold. I noticed Draco was also shivering in my arms. The cold crept deep inside me, into my heart. And then my eyes rolled up into my head, while I was drowning in cold. I felt like I was dragged downward until the screaming started. It were terrible, terrified, pleading screams. I wanted to help whoever it was and tried to move, but I couldn’t. It was like I was trapped inside a thick white fog that moved inside of me as well.

 

The next thing I remember is waking up when the train was moving again. The lanterns had come back on and I lay on the seat. Draco was knelt next to the seat, his hand brushing through my hair. I felt really sick and was glad I was laying down. Draco asked me if I was alright and I told him I was fine. I asked what happened and what that thing was. And finally, I asked who screamed. Draco told me that nobody screamed. I stuttered that I heard someone screaming. Draco looked at me with his worried face and kept petting my hair.

 

It’s then that I noticed that Professor Lupin was still there and he gave us both a big piece of chocolate. He explained that the thing we saw was a Dementor, one of the guards of Azkaban. Then he told us to eat the chocolate, said it would help, and then he left to go have a talk with the driver. Draco then told me that I had gone rigid and had almost fallen off the seat. The only reason that didn’t happen was that Draco had still been sitting on my lap. It seems that Professor Lupin had told the Dementor that none of us was hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks, and when that didn’t work he used some kind of spell to chase it away. Draco said he felt really cold like he’d never be cheerful again.

 

By the time Professor Lupin came back, I was sitting in Draco’s lap and we were both eating the chocolate he gave us. It really did help, it made me feel warm again. Greg, Blaise, Hermione, Luna and Daphne had joined us in the new compartment. None of them had fainted like I had and I felt a little ashamed. They had seen the Dementor and also felt horrible, but none of them felt as sick as I was feeling at that moment.

 

Professor Lupin looked around and told us all that we would be at Hogwarts in ten minutes, and then he asked me again if I was okay. I don’t know how he knew, but he called me by my name. Draco was also surprised by that, but none of us thought to ask him how he knew.

 

After this, we took a coach, that gets pulled by invisible horses, to the castle. I saw two more Dementors standing guard on either side of the wrought iron gates. A wave of cold sickness threatened to engulf me again, so I leaned into Draco’s side, who tightened his hold on me, and whispered in my ear that it was okay, that he was there and it would all be okay.

 

Draco didn’t let go of my hand when we walked up to the stone steps to the entrance. Nott bothered us for a minute, joking about how I had fainted but Professor Lupin stepped out of the carriage behind us and asked if there was a problem, so Nott, Crabbe and Parkinson moved along, leaving us be. We walked into the entrance hall and I was just about to step into the Great Hall when Professor Snape called out, saying he wanted to see me. Hermione was pulled away by Professor McGonagall at the same moment. I turned to Professor Snape, Draco wanted to follow me, but Professor Snape told him to move along. I told him I come and find him as soon as possible and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I followed Professor Snape to his office in the dungeons. It seems Professor Lupin had sent an owl ahead to notify my head of house that I had taken ill on the train. Before I had the change to reply, Madam Pomfrey came into the office and made a big fuss. I’m glad Professor Snape told her off when she suggested that maybe I should stay the night in the hospital wing, saying I looked well enough to sleep in my own bed. I think he didn’t want Draco sneaking around the castle on his first night back. I was ordered to eat more chocolate and come by the hospital wing if I still felt cold and clammy today.

 

I walked back to the Great Hall together with Professor Snape, who told me that he will not tolerate beds not being used and that he doesn’t want to get any complaints from Nott and Crabbe this year. So Draco takes my cloak with him to bed at night and once Nott and Crabbe are dozing off he sneaks into my bed and hugs me close.

 

I’ve missed the sorting, but was in time for the Headmasters warning about the Dementors, he said they won’t be fooled by tricks, disguises or even Invisibility Cloaks. So I won’t be sneaking out of the grounds any time soon, not that I want to, but I don’t want to be near those creatures ever again.

 

After that, the Headmaster introduced Professor Lupin and both me and Draco didn’t miss the look of loathing on Professor Snape’s face. I wonder why Snape hates Professor Lupin that much, I know he wants the DADA job, but I’m sure it’s more than just that. Draco thinks they maybe know each other somehow, says they are around the same age, so maybe they went to school together and didn’t get along or something.

 

That’s all for tonight, it’s getting late anyway and tomorrow is another day of classes before we can enjoy our first weekend back. I’m hoping we don’t get too much homework already and that we can go flying or something. I’ll write to you soon again.

 

Love you,

 

Harry James Potter.


End file.
